I became engaged and only two months later my sister and her boyfriend became engaged. They have planned a very short engagement, with their wedding date only two months before ours. Now they have selected their wedding party and it includes both of my brothers and their spouses. The entire family, excluding my fiancé and I will be involved in this wedding.
For the seven years that they have been together her boyfriend made it very clear to all of us that he has not interest in being married. Why did it have to be right now, with such a short engagement? Mostly I just feel hurt that they didn’t think to consider my feelings at all and hurt that they have included the rest of the family. Am I just being selfish wanting my big day? Is it normal to be hurt by this?
2007-03-28 05:09:58 · 10 answers · asked by Angie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Just to clear up a couple of things:
The reason that I am concerned with the weddings being so close is because the majority of my family will have to fly in to attend. It’s a lot of money for people to spend in a very short period of time and two flights in two months is just not going to happen for a lot of people.
My concerns have nothing to do with my bridal party. I have not experienced any issues with my own wedding party and I defiantly do not feel like anyone “beat” me to asking the people I wanted to ask. I simply feel hurt being the only family left out of my sisters.
My fiancé and I did not plan a long engagement nor do we expect people to put their lives on hold because we are getting married. Our engagement is only 9 months. My fiancé and I have respected their plans and altered our own to not conflict with theirs, I only wish they had shown us some consideration as well.
2007-03-28 09:07:54 · update #1
Both of my girls were married within 11 weeks of each other. I think there was a little tension about this in the beginning, but each one helped the other one and it really worked out. Sit back and take a deep breath and just plan your wedding. Help your sisiter and ask her to help you. It might not be quite as bad as you are anticipating.
2007-03-28 10:09:16 · answer #1 · answered by mimegamy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! You are all really taking a round out on this girl. Pink Denial, did you even read the question? Her issue has nothing to do with the family being in HER bridal party, she doesn’t even mention struggles within her party. She feels left out of her sisters party.
I think that feeling that way shows that she is happy for her sister and feels like she wants to be involved too. She also doesn’t mention if her engagement was long or not. For all you know her engagement was 6 months and her sisters was 2.
And basketcase, that was harsh. Why offer advice if it’s hurtful rather than helpful?
I agree leilani allyn a, I think there is a deeper issue going on here. This family isn’t showing the consideration or respect of a happy family. Angie, you should be happy for your sister and it was a little heartless for your sister to not consider your feelings at all.
I think you both need to talk. This should be resolved before either wedding so that both of you can enjoy your day.
2007-03-28 06:38:43 · answer #2 · answered by Ronnie b 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First, remember that you get a wedding DAY, not a month, season, or year. It is perfectly acceptible for her to have a wedding two whole months before yours. You are the one who chose to have a long engagement, and you can't expect her to rearrange her own life and wedding to accomodate your choice. You are also the one who waited to ask family members to be in your wedding...she got there first, basically, and that's completely fair.
If her wedding date bothers you, you could change your own. Push it farther back so that it doesn't become a burden to your family, or move it forward. You can probably still have your family in your bridal party.
So, I do think you are being selfish. However, I would be hurt by being the only ones excluded from her bridal party. But, she has her own wedding to plan, and she can't be expected to plan it according to how you are planning yours. And why they got engaged now and why they are having a short engagement is, frankly, between her and her fiance.
2007-03-28 05:59:53 · answer #3 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Am I just being selfish wanting my big day? Is it normal to be hurt by this?
Yes and yes. Not being rude here but when someone decides to get married they don't reserve the entire length of time between engagement and wedding so no one else can do it either.
You are her sister, you should just be happy for her and continue on with your own wedding plans. You can have your big day but why do you think she isn't entitled (look closely at that word AND it's meaning) to hers? Maybe she decided not to include you in the wedding party to spare you having to deal with two weddings at the same time. It can be pretty stressful being part of a bridal party.
Yes it is also normal to be upset by this I would think, but you need to be the bigger woman here and just go on about your business and let her get on with hers. I hope all goes well for you and your family and congratulations on your upcoming wedding.
2007-03-28 05:22:31 · answer #4 · answered by kauai_lvr 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Short engagements usually mean one thing....
She's pregnant, and wants to get married quickly before she's all huge and obviously pregnant.
And I fail to see where having your sister get married 2 MONTHS before you is taking anything away from your wedding. And of course they want to include the entire family in their wedding, you do, don't you? Why should they not have the same joy? You are REALLY being selfish here, because your sister's wedding will take NOTHING away from yours. Be happy for her, and move on. Grow up too while you're at it.
2007-03-28 05:15:54 · answer #5 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It's understandable that you're hurt. Try to remember the world will continue on even though you're getting married.
If you are really, truly hurt by this talk to your sister. Just be prepared that she may not be considerate of your feelings or she may have a very good reason why she needs to get married so quickly.
2007-03-28 06:20:14 · answer #6 · answered by retropink 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a race to the alter to me. Does a competition exist between you and your sister? Is she older than you? Maybe she is feeling like she's being left behind.
In the best of cases your wedding shouldn't be effected by hers, however, I do see how it could happen. Being as it is your sister, I assume you can count on many of the same guest. Attendance to one or both weddings may be effected, especially if there are many out of town guests.
I know that it may be hard for you to be happy for her when she was inconsiderate of you but you need to find it in you to do so. Things that revolve around weddings stick around for a long time. Maybe she stomped on your time but don't do the same to her. You don't want to look back and regret any of your actions during this time.
2007-03-28 07:21:32 · answer #7 · answered by jessie h 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think there's deeper issue(s) going on between you and your sister. It's normal to be hurt, the best way is to talk to her and tell her how you feel. After that, be genuinely happy for her. We only get married once..well at least "supposedly".
http://lanispage.blogspot.com
2007-03-28 05:46:51 · answer #8 · answered by Leilyn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you do sound a bit selfish, and it is NOT normal to be hurt by this. You are each having your own life and wedding, so just concentrate on you and your guy.
2007-03-28 10:45:53 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, you aren't wrong. But there isn't much you can do about it. Your options are to sit down and calmly tell them that your feelings are hurt and that it feels like they aren't considering your special time. The dynamics are such that you might be forced to postpone your date if you want it to be more about you and yours than them and theirs. You know?
2007-03-28 05:19:36 · answer #10 · answered by Lisa A 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋