Sex before marriage?

Question

Hey, I'm a Christian, I've got a question, I think I already know the answer, but I'm just double checking....I know that it's wrong to have sex before marriage, but what about "external sex"? Y'know, when you still have your clothes on? (is this making any sense?) My bf and I sometimes feel like it's just too long to wait until marriage...I won't have real sex before marriage, as it goes against Biblical principles, but is "external sex" under the same doctrine?

Answer 1

No sexual contact of anykind is to be made before marriage. I am sorry to have to tell you this, but been there, done that, and it is hard to wait!!!

Answer 2

Let me ask you a question darlin....

If this is the woman you are marrying and you have already made a comittment to her, then you are as GOOD as married. There is NOTHING in the bible that says you need to put on a wedding dress, go into a church and get married to be married.

Suppose you were on a deserted island with no Christians, no churches or you were in a foreign country with no churches etc and you both stand before God and say, this is my mate, I vow before you that I will love her and be faithful to her.

Aren't you married? Isn't that what marriage is in essence?

In the old Testament a "promise" of marriage is as good as "marriage".

In addition, you need to read the Song Of Solomon (note the sexual metaphors and use your imagination) and then consider that ALL that erotic behaviour was between two young UNMARRIED people. The thing that made their romance holy was that the LOVE was real.

I am not going to spell out for you what to do like some will. Use your discernment, search your heart. Remember that Jesus said, "My yoke is light and my rules are not burdensome."

Hope that helps.

Answer 3

It should be consider as wrong as sex, for sure. But once I am not Christian, let me tell you this. Curiosity about sex, excitement and desire are absolutely normal things and they are more intense when we are teenagers, because we are discovering one million new things about ourselves, besides the hormones are fighting inside of us to be responded. It is absolutely natural to desire to have sex with your boyfriend. It is human nature, it is human physiology. However, like everything else, abuse is totally wrong. One or two beers might be OK, 10 or 15 bottles would be wrong, right? That's the same concept.

Therefore, if you choose to have sex or external sex, be sure not to get hurt, not to get pregnant, not to make that promiscuous, and everything else will be OK. Find someone you trust to talk about that. If not your parents, because they are Christians and especially because we don't talk about those things with our parents period, no matter the religion... it is way too embarrassing, come one, no child will tell parents no matter how cool they might be that they feel so attracted by boy-girlfriend that they cannot even control themselves... let's be reasonable, at least talk to someone else. A friend's mother or any other adult you trust. (I am not talking about talking to one of your friends, because they have the same doubts that you have.)

Or you can talk to me... I have 2 teen girls at home. Email me.

Just one more and most important thing: NO GUILT!! There's nothing wrong about your desire. That means you are a normal person!!

Peace!

How come sex before marriage is a sin, but get married just to have sex is not?? If you get married just because the "fire is burning" and then after a few years you realize your marrriage is a big lie, and then you decide to divorce, those Christians that suggests marriage now, will be the first ones to condemn you. This is hipocrisy and I see a lot of hipocrisy in certain religions. Sorry, kuteasakitten!! Make your decision based on what you feel and don't carry any guilt in your heart, especially the guilt for love your boyfriend. Relax and enjoy your moment... very soon you will be older, married, and all that fun will be over...

Answer 4

If you are serious about the biblical principle of sex only in the context of marriage, then you should be concerned not just with the letter of the law but with the spirit of it as well. For this reason, you should be cautious of the dangers of controlling your passions in the situation that you mention and you should be spiritually concerned when you find yourself in such a situation.

I would suggest that you first resolve in your mind whether or not it is appropriate to be engaged in sexually arousing behaviors as an activity. If you can say to yourself, "we are now making out," as opposed to, say, "we are having a passionate goodbye kiss," then you may want to apply the brakes. Simply looking for that thin line which you determine not to cross smells of loophole hunting, and it only invites that line to be pushed further over time.

Also, think of it this way. If you were on a diet, would you keep cake sitting around? Would you think it smart to regularly go over and smell it and lick it? Would you actually chew some of it as long as you were sure to spit it out? Neither should you taunt yourself sexually until "dessert" is safely on your diet. The best medicine is not to put yourselves into private places where things can get out of hand.

Answer 5

I'm not completely sure what you mean by "external sex", but it probably is also under the same doctrine. I don't remember where, but somewhere in the Bible, it says that your body is a temple of the Lord. Why would you want to do anything to that temple that isn't completely pure? Also, Jesus said that any man who merely looks at a woman lustfully commits adultery with her in his heart. The same probably applies to women. Don't you think "external sex" is probably even worse?

Answer 6

Sex before marriage is wrong no matter how you describe it. The bible make it really clear!!! The real question is do you want to follow the bible or not.

A real man will wait until he is married. If not then he is just out test driving lips and parts.

Answer 7

God created sex... OK. But god did NOT create marriage and the rules that go along with it. Sex is beautiful and godly, be responsible, follow your heart and have fun. Don't let some book and a huge building made of stone with a cross atop it control your sexuality in belief or action.

Answer 8

Be careful as if u get carried away u can easily lose self-control. The consequences are horrendous....and I would not reccommend it. The best thing is to seek God on this issue and ask him. Once u break the boundaries............you won't go back. Ask God for self-control ,as we are all weak and vunerable especially when it comes to sex. Your question is a very good one.

God Bless U,

Daniel
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Answer 9

Never heard of external sex. One thing to remember is that sex is a burning fire; kept in the fireplace it is warm, soothing and awesome. Ff you light it in the wrong place or if it gets out of the fireplace, it will burn your house down.

Pray about your concern. One thing I have learned is that it is always best to do the safe thing. If you feel uncomfortable with it afterwards, then it's probably the Holy Spirit speaking to you and maybe you shouldnt. Again, Pray and do as God leads YOU.

Answer 10

You could just get married earlier. Marriage is nothing more than making legal what you already feel in your heats. Marriage is trivial compared to Love.

Answer 11

It's under the same doctrine as "committing adultery in your heart" that Jesus talked about during the sermon on the mount.

Keep in mind that you are the one that needs to control your passions and urges- don't let them control you. The time will come soon enough when everything will be both permitted and expedient, as Paul said. Good luck!