is this a normal feeling?

Question

I never used to be bothered by other people's comments and looks, but since I got pregnant to my second baby (whos 3 weeks old) my confidence had gone down hill big time. My boyfriend cheated on me a while ago (been together for 7yrs) and suddenly this momery keeps haunting me everytime i spot a good looking girl and feel angry and unpretty, is it normal to feel this threatend. he is not the type to show emotions and compliment me so i have no one to tell me otherwise, i try to look good, get my hair, nails etc done but i still feel down when i see a pretty lass.

Could this be depretion, as these feelings only occur when i am out with my boyfreind but when i am on my own i feel good and loving the attention when i get one. I feel scared that he may leave me for someone prettier but at the same time i am not all that attracted to him! (theres a reason for that and its a long story lets just say he hurt my feelings too many times before) xx

thanks in advance!

Answer 1

To be honest you should drop him. Hes not worth your time.
You shouldn't stay with someone who makes you unhappy and feel unloved.

But other than that yes the feelings are common

Answer 2

Is it a combination of all the things you listed. I don't care what they say, once you've been betrayed, it is so difficult to trust again. And the triggers! Especially coming down from being pregnant! Your hormones are all over the place.

I have a suggestion. Do the things that you do (keeping yourself up) for you and not him. Look in the mirror every day and say I love me and I am a great person. Get back out into the work force soon so you can feel important about your self-worth! Or if your bent on being a stay at home mommy, join an exercise class with your baby or get a new hobby. And even MORE importantly, hug your baby and tell them that you love them and will be there for them every day.

That man is not the end all -- be all. You can and will survive whether he is doing his part to give you your emotional needs. If he isn't, someone else will. This too shall pass.

Answer 3

Well, I don't think this is abnormal... but I do think it means you have low confidence. Which I can relate to. Some days I have really good days, others I have really bad days. Being 9 months pregnant right now, I have a lot more bad days.

Girls run around nowadays in practically nothing, so whenever I think of my husband seeing someone like that... I can't help but get a little jealous. I mean, I am 9 months pregnant and not at all "sexy."

Even when I'm not pregnant I have confidence issues, but the only way I learned to deal with them is by not basing my beauty or self-worth off of what ANYONE thinks about me. Husband. Strangers. Co-Workers. Or even other women. It doesn't matter.

You need to find your own beauty within, and although it's hard... we need to always remember that what is on the outside is not nearly as important as what's inside. The world tries to tell us otherwise.. I mean sex sells nowadays, it's everywhere. But in reality, the heart, the beauty inside is what will get you somewhere.

Be confident inside first, and let that shine through outwardly. Realize you don't NEED him to think you are the most beautiful woman in the world... you dont' even NEED to feel that way... just be who you are and try not to compare yourself to others.

I know, easier said than done. I will be working on that for life.

Answer 4

I've its a normal feeling in pregnant women. So, dont feel bad about it, you are not the only woman having this kind of depression. Its a little weird but it happens to the majority. You look different physically so it makes you feel like your guy may run away with a prettier woman. Im sure you are a gorgeous mom!! I would recomment you to stop being so negative and instead of that try to wear nice pregnancy clothes, even sexy. That will make you feel sensual and your guy will notice you are trying to make him see you more attractive even during your pregnancy. If you think like you cant stop thinking this way you can go to a psychologist and get some therapy. Or just talk to your friends and tell them how you feel, get some distraction, drink coffee or tea, I mean, talk. Don't stay silent, talking is important to express your feelings from the inside.
I wish you the best with your baby, remember that its very important for the mom to be in good emotional and psychological health so that the baby doesnt perceive that and it doesnt get involved in his/her future personnality.
God Bless you dear, good luck, You will be fine, Im sure. ;)

Answer 5

The one big clue that you gave, is that when you are not with him you feel like all eyes are on you. Thats great, that shows that you don't need him with you to make you feel good. The fact that he brings you down that drastically means that emotionally you guys are not attached.
I am afraid that you are staying with him because of the kids, and that is not a valid reason to stay with someone. Kids can sense when something is not right.
Besides make him earn your trust back, don't let him run the relationship, by letting him get away with cheating and you making him feel as though you need him, gives him every advantage to break you down (not complimenting, gawking at other women) , Which makes you feel invalued to him, and in return will keep you around. Get defensive, and make him feel like you won't always be around. You can stand on your own, and you don't need a man making you feel the way you feel. Your man should make you feel like princess, and nothing less, if thats not the case, then he isn't your prince charming.

Answer 6

Don't give him any. Start an exercise program like running around the house and jumping up and down or something from TV. Doesn't have to be expensive, just has to tone up you muscles and your self image a little. Don't give him any. Take care of the kids and go to community events that are designed with kids in mind. Meet some new friends and enjoy some new activities you are not used to. Don't give him any. Don't hang around the house waiting for the Cheater to come home and put you down. He only puts you down because he can't pull himself up. Don't give him any!.........

Answer 7

First go see a doctor sounds like you may have postnatal depression, Second stuff him and feel good for you, You have just had a baby so your hormones are up and down, so take some time out be a slob be there for your baby's because they are the ones that love you what ever you look like and stuff everyone else. (unless there paying for the beauty treatment) so put the mirrors away ,two fingers to the fella because if he don't like you the way you are, its his look out. and enjoy your self.

Answer 8

It sounds like you need to get rid of him, if he's affecting your self esteem like this and has shown that he's no good then you don't need him. You stated that you weren't attracted him, so why are you still with him? I'm sure you had some great times over the past seven years but nothing makes up for him making you feel less than you are. Please, understand that you are a beautiful person and don't deserve this crap, take care of yourself! Your children deserve a mother who isn't so scared that her jackass boyfriend will leave her, they need you to be a confident role model for them.

Answer 9

Well, seeing how you are okay when you see someone "pretty" when you are not with him, it sounds like you are simply in a bad relationship. Though you have kids, it might be best to leave him and be in a STABLE HOME with your mom/dad, or another close family member. Then work on your self esteem. Have a day to yourself at the spa, and just give yourself some relaxing time. You need to have the "Who cares what everyone else thinks?" attitude. It helps. God bless!

Answer 10

very normal. If your man cheats on you, you feel worthless and ugly... Also, after child birth no one feels pretty... you have 2 factors here. Your man should compliment you, maybe you should give him the boot. Do you have enough energy to take care of baby, work through your self esteem after he cheated AND try to trust and work with him again? I would let him go... life is too short and you have a baby and you to look after...

Answer 11

I think the feelings only occur when your with your boyfriend is because you are constantly reminded that he has been with another woman so you will naturally be on the defence thinking, 'Is he looking at her' 'Is she prettier than me' Of course its normal. This guy betrayed you in the biggest possible way and its always going to be in your head.

I think you should leave him, get out there and find someone who is faithful;