I was trying to protect my son??but made a mess?

Question

I never told my ex. bf that he got me pregnant is now the father of my 5.5 yr old son because i wanted to avoid problems.He was really immature at the time and dating someone else.I was 19 yrs old and he was 18 yrs old so i also wanted avoid the drama of it all.Anyway i graduated from college and got married to a nice guy .Everything was suburban paradise but we were trying to get pregnant for almost 2 yrs. This put a lot of strain on our relationship causing a lot of fights he wanted us to have a baby to complete our family thought i was the problem .We seperated and i had a fling by chance when i ran into my sons father meeting on the train on the way to work he was going through similar fertility problems with his wife wanting a baby.Result i am currently pregnant again 7 months along and have not told him yet because he is married.

My marriage will probably end in divorce i dont want that to happen to my ex.bf marriage but i am only an interior designer and will need financial help with a 2 nd child on the way

I have no idea how to tell him he has a son 5.5 and a daughter on the way!?

Answer 1

Wow, talk about a real life soap opera! You are doing more harm than good by not telling him about his children. He's a big boy now and can decide on his own marriage, you have no say so. At 19, I can see how you thought you were protecting him. And that I think can even be forgiven eventually. But not telling him about the soon to be born baby, that's just not right. He's married, you're married (for now!), you're both grown up, he needs to know. And the two of you just need to either stay away from each other (besides sharing the kids) or just get married already. Good luck to you! :-)

Answer 2

Well, it sounds like you did what you wanted: protected your son. You didn't want him to know about his father, whom you assumed (maybe rightfully so at the time) that the dad would be irresponsible. Mission 1 accomplished.

HOWEVER, the second "problem" has little to do with your son. You have to tell this man he is the father of your children. He is obviously a grown man now, so immaturity is now longer on his side. The fact that he is married, had an affair and got a woman pregant is HIS problem. You being pregant is both your problems.

Frankly, it sounds like you have relationship issues and consider yourself before all things. I doubt infertility is the only reason for your seperation from your husband. Your lack of respect for marital vows is evident through your inability to keep them, or recognize that a married man has made a commitment to someone else. Not respecting other people's marriages is just as bad as not respecting yours. But what's done is done. Do what's right for your children. They deserve a father... you didn't make the baby on your own and you can't be two people, a mother AND a father.

You are the immature one now. Running from the consequences of your actions to mask your errors is very immature. Chances are, your children will grow up faster than you have. Do the adult, mature thing and change your ways. Your children need you to be a parent and adult. When have children, you sacrifice a lot, including the ability to run from relationship to relationship and fling to fling.

Answer 3

If youre sure its his baby ask yourself a couple of questions, was the fling with having him back in your life and the life of your son? He was married and messed around on his wife shouldn't she know he cant be trusted? Why would you want this man that can't be trusted in your childs and your life? Do you need the child support? If so he will want DNA after the child is born. Seperated or not you were both still married and you both deserve each other. Personally I think his poor little wife should know what she has, shes trying to have children with him and he'll mess around with whatever skank that will let him. ( I hope you dont think your the first and only time)

Answer 4

Well, it certainly is a mess, even though you were trying to do the right thing. Put yourself in his shoes; though. If you had two children out there, wouldn't you want to know about it? I understand you don't want to mess up his marriage, but he kind of did that on his own when he had the second fling with you. My advice is to give him the information and then it's his decision as to whether he wants to try and stay with his wife or not-provided she can forgive him. Regardless, he should know he has a son and another baby on the way. Not to mention the fact that he needs the chance to step up and be financially responsible for his children. Best of luck to you.

Answer 5

Well first of all, you're going to have to tell the guy he's the father, whether he's married or not. It' wont be pretty I'm sure but it's the right thing to do. I think this could definetly ruin his marriage and your chance of ever going back to your husband. Maybe the father and you should try to work something out? Is there anything there besides sex and baby making compatibility? Some things to think about I guess..

Answer 6

What I would do is tell your-ex. He does have a right to know that he is and is going to be a father. If they are already having problems anyway why not. I agree you will need help with this other child. things are high and it does cost a lot. I wish you all the luck in the world and hope everything goes you way!

Answer 7

This sound like a soap opera
anyway you did not ask a ? but I think if you did you want to ask if you should tell him about both child
what about your new husband?
are you sure that the baby doesn't belong to him
anyway continue communicate with him and see if he is mature, so you can find a way to tell him
if you decide to tell him, about both child you need to tell your husband first give him the choose to be a father to the second child if he wants to be
but at the end only you can decide what you need to do for your family
but girl if since your story already been play on lifetime t.v
as well as been told on all of the soap opera
I would tell you that you can write a play
but now if you do you might charge for plagiarism

Answer 8

Does he know your son is his yet? You need to tell him. Your son should know who his father is, even if he has a good relationship with your husband. Also, do not take this the wrong way, but speak to a counselor. I'm not saying you have problems, but it might help you to sort through this situation. I know he is married, but maybe you have unresolved feelings towards each other? Oh, and he needs to tell his wife. On his own, you shouldn't contact her. And please don't hide your pregnancy, your baby needs you to believe in him/her. I hid a pregnancy and I really regret it. I wish you luck. Everything will work out, don't stress yourself or the baby. Go tell him.

Answer 9

You need to fix the mess you started years ago by not telling him about his child. He has had years to grow up and would probably make a great father figure for both of your children even if you are not together at the time.You nee to take responsibility for your immature behavior.

Answer 10

You didn't have a problem keeping his son from him for almost 6 years, so what's your problem with keeping his daughter from him? You weren't trying to protect your son, you were running away from the whole thing. If you want to start to make things right, be honest with everyone about everything. Then look into getting fixed.