I am dating the guy for a year and a half. We live on the same property, but he rents his own apartment and I - my own. I live only 10 years in America with my daughter and I never dated an American before. It seems strange to me that he does not want to share space, move-in with me or marry me, or have any common goals or plans. It is hard to make him do things for us - he insists to stay independent, free and unpredictable. He never cooks, but he takes me out for dinners at times. I feel that I give him everything I could possibly give to a man, but he takes it all and gives almost nothing in return. If I complain - he "punishes" me by sleeping at his apartment and eating his own food. And he says that he never promised me to help me with my problems or my daughter. I was sincerely trying to make this relationship work, but now I am about to give up. Somehow all relationships I had so far - fell apart. I really don't know what am I doing wrong?
2007-03-28 04:22:40 · 19 answers · asked by NONE 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Sorry but, why buy a cow if milk is free? This guy doesn't want a relationship with you and has no feelings for your child. He is a boy who wants free milk. You need to find a man who wants a relationship with a woman.
America threw away the rulebook a few decades ago, there is no normal now so you have to sort through alot of people before you find someone on the same page with your idea of normal.
2007-03-28 04:31:37 · answer #1 · answered by tenbadthings 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Muchka,
I really do not know where you are from, so I can not speak to how men in your country act.
I think you want too much, too fast. You really expected a ring on your finger, just from dating a year and a half? It seems to me that you feel that since you 'give him everything I could possibly give to a man,' you automatically expect something in return...whatever you do for someone in a relationship, you should do because you enjoy doing it...not to demand something in return, or as you put it 'to make him do things for us.'
From what I've read, you have no basis for complaint. He has his own place, eats his own food, and has been honest with you. He seems to enjoy your company, and to go to restaurants with you...perhaps he isn't a good cook, or perhaps he feels that his time with you is better spent being with you instead of cooking. It seems that any burden you carry in this relationship has been of your own choosing...and not due to his mooching from you.
Both men and women in the U.S. tend to be very independent...we tend to choose others who are independent as well, and spend time with people to enjoy their company...not to fill a deep seated 'need.' As a people, Americans are 'independent, free and unpredictable.' It's part of our national identity, and likely those are the very traits you find appealing about us.
He seems to me a nice enough fellow...so far as all your relationships 'falling apart,' I think that you're basically a 'needy' person...and that you should find someone who is going to need you as much as you need him
2007-03-28 11:54:07 · answer #2 · answered by Wolfsburgh 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are spoiling your partners. I bet you are too easy on the guys you relate to and they learn that quickly. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? The guy takes you out to dinner because that's easy to do anyway. Not much sacrifice. It also doesn't sound like he appreciates your daughter either.
Maybe you're not doing anything wrong! Maybe you're just not doing the right things, like value yourself enough? You sound like a good catch for some one who would appreciate you. This guy doesn't seem to. I wonder where you are from. Your culture may have taught you a lot of submission and guys here are not very used to that.
2007-03-28 11:34:19 · answer #3 · answered by forlove 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He's taking advantage of a nice girl. All Americans aren't like that. It's not normal sorry. I also don't know the whole story.
2007-03-28 11:26:34 · answer #4 · answered by madbaldscotsman 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You did nothing wrong, he is just a jerk, he wants all of the benefits of marriage without any of the responsibilities. Get rid of this guy and go out and find yourself a guy who respects you.
2007-03-28 11:27:21 · answer #5 · answered by mingcrew 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well theres nothing normal in the US. But bad people. women and men who don't want commitment , but want sex. They either hav ebeen hurt before, so don't trust or they just aren't trust worthy. im sure thats in every country, but here more people are for themselves. Find someone for u and your baby.
2007-03-28 11:28:27 · answer #6 · answered by Mrs.Vick 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Jerks are jerks of any nationality, sweetie. He's using you. Because you let him. Move on. There as many nice guys here as anywhere. Find one. Don't settle for less.
2007-03-28 11:28:12 · answer #7 · answered by trai 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What you are doing wrong is staying with someone who obviously doesn't want the same level of commitment that you do.... you deserve better. move on!
2007-03-28 11:27:50 · answer #8 · answered by darling 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a royal a ss. Find a decent guy who cares about you, and dump this jerk! That's not what a "normal" relationship in america looks like, I assure you.
2007-03-28 11:27:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well you pretty much answered your own question. Stop catering to these guys. You are better off by yourself.
2007-03-28 11:27:53 · answer #10 · answered by The girl next door 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋