My cousin is getting married next month.
In January, she emailed pictures of her engagement ring to the whole family. I wrote her back and congratulated her and asked when the wedding would be. She said she was planning on April but wasn't certain yet. I mentioned it to my sisters and boyfriend - this side of the family is big into reunions, so there wasn't a question in my mind that we'd be invited. Also, my boyfriend's mom lives in the same area as my cousin, and we were going to visit both of them with one trip.
I found out the definite date this morning from my dad, who received his invitation about two weeks ago. My sisters and I didn't receive any. My cousin has my address - we send each other cards at Christmas - and she could've easily asked her parents, if a lack of address was the case.
Am I right to feel a little slighted and disappointed? If she was planning a very small service, I wish she'd mentioned it in her emails with me.
2007-03-28 03:45:18 · 39 answers · asked by Jessie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Ouch. I know that probably hurt your feelings. I've been in a similar situation. She shared her engagement with you so i'm sure it's nothing personal. Maybe since your dad got one and the two of you had talked about it, she assumed you would be there. You could email her and ask or hint around to it. Maybe ask her where she's registered for gifts... Good luck!
2007-03-28 03:50:11 · answer #1 · answered by zzfanta 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It's possible that your invitation was lost in the mail. Doubtful, but possible.
Presumably, as the deadline draws near, if you haven't given an RSVP, the cousin will call you and ask if you'll be able to make it.
If not, then it's possible that for some reason, you weren't invited. It could be a practical reason (although, from what you said, unlikely). It could be that the cousin is mad at you (for a reason that you clearly don't know). It could have been an oversight.
Unless the cousin contacts you, assume that you were invited. After the wedding is over, get in touch with the cousin to chat about how married life is going. Do NOT bring up the wedding.
If she's cold to you, then there might be something wrong and you can then ask if everything is OK. If it's the same-old, then clearly there's some non-offensive reason for you not being invited.
2007-03-28 03:51:17 · answer #2 · answered by Jay 7 · 1⤊ 3⤋
There are many reasons she may have done this, but most likely it was not meant as any slight to you. She may have had to restrict the guest list to keep costs down, and may have felt too embarassed (or possibly too stressed,) by this to say something directly.
I really, truly wouldn't take it personally. You might send her an email saying something like "I'll be in town around that time visiting (bf's mother). I know you're swamped, but if you need to get away for an afternoon, we'd be happy to treat you and your fiancee to lunch in honor of your wedding."
Most of all, don't hold it against her. I'm planning a September wedding, and I'm already a basket case. No matter how organized or together she normally is, I imagine she's probably at the point that she'd forget her own head if it weren't attached.
2007-03-28 03:56:24 · answer #3 · answered by Alison R 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Sounds like you've got a pretty good relationship with your cousin. Call her or email her and just ask. It may be that the wedding budget forced her to keep it small. If that is the case, tell her you'd like to attend the actual wedding ceremony and be in the area to visit relatives. She may welcome an idea or two on keeping everyone happy. You could talk with your sisters and perhaps other cousins of the bride and go to a dinner on your own during the reception. There is more to a wedding celebration than just the reception!! With relatives and friends from out of town visiting, there will be lots of chances to share the joy even if the reception is for very close family members and friends.
2007-03-28 03:59:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Some people are just like that and if you are so close and sending seasonal greetings she could have invited you to the wedding since you were going to be in the area. That's not acting family like by doing that. I know if I was close to someone I would want them at my wedding. I know there's some ppl who will not be invited.
2007-03-28 04:27:40 · answer #5 · answered by nabdullah2001 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is alright to feel that way. It's natural. But, don't do anything stupid that will only bring down your own reputation (if you care about it). Just be happy, congratulate & send her small present for her wedding. Even though she didn't realise that, well, what can you do? At least you have an attitude to hold yourself. Suppose you're going to mad at her, that will only perceive you as a jealous, needy & greedy person.
I think you shouldn't talk about wjy didn't she invited you, unless you're very close to her.
Sometimes, it's better not to discuss something small for the sake of the bigger relationship.
Isn't it a good person who was hurt by others, but don't do revenge or anger?
Maybe she feels unappropriate by telling you that you're not invited.
Either way, your cousin must have some reasons. Stay positive.
2007-03-28 04:06:29 · answer #6 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Wow! I can imagine that your feelings are more than a little hurt! Just give her a call and ask how the wedding plans are going...tell her that your Dad mentioned getting an invitation and ask straight out if you can come. You'll either get a yes or no answer...if it's no..then say "can you tell me why?" and go from there! It's completely possible that she assumes you'll be coming since she sent your parents an ivitation...and wanted to save on invitations or postage. I sent an invitation to my aunt & uncle but didn't have the addresses to my cousins (who are their children) but I did put all their names on my aunt & uncles invitation.
2007-03-28 04:29:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Wedding are not cheap. If all of your siblings did not get an invitation I would guess that none of her cousins, or the grooms cousins were invited. You have to draw a line somewhere when planning a wedding and someone is always going to feel like they are on the wrong side of the line.
What should you do? Nothing. If you feel slighted, thats OK, but you have to get over it. She didn't do this to insult you. and I don't think you should force her to explain either.
2007-03-28 03:51:45 · answer #8 · answered by chinamigarden 6 · 4⤊ 2⤋
She probably wasn't comfortable telling you she wasn't going to be able to invite everyone she wanted. You could ask your mom or dad if they've talked to her mom and dad to find out why the guest list is limited. Be a good sport and send a small gift or gift card to show you are truly happy for her. It is normal to feel "left out" but as you said your sisters aren't invited either, so it isn't something personal just to you. Good luck and God Bless.
2007-03-28 04:31:05 · answer #9 · answered by tersey562 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sorry, but maybe she had to cut down her list. It is very common to invite aunts and uncles, and not the cousins. There can be soo many cousins that it's just easier not to invite any. Don't ask her anything, the last thing that she needs is people bombarding her because they weren't invited. Send her a nice card congratulating her.
2007-03-28 04:00:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋