I have two daughters, one is an engineer employed well, younger on is doctor doing post graduation. We parents requested and advised the first daughter to select a boy equally qualified, but she did not listen, we are worried much.how to solve this problem. She is 27,
2007-03-28 02:24:18 · 16 answers · asked by selvam john 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I am from India in Chennai. I would advise you to ask your daughter if she loves someone and if she does meet with him. Dont force her because today many divorces in India and things are going bad. If she does not love anyone ask her to find a suitable guy for herself. Be open and be wise. Give her a choice and dont worry about what other people feel. She must be quite modern and if she wants to find someone by herself then let her find someone. If he is less qualified or more it does not matter. She must love and be happy and be settled in a decent job. I am also 27 and a christian so please be open minded and realise that now women want to decide for themselves and if you give them that freedom then they will show how smart they are in a short run. But you can ask her to make it fast in case you are worried but frankly dont be too worried since she must be very smart and can handle it by herself.
Best of luck to you
2007-03-28 02:36:37 · answer #1 · answered by MafiaGal 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are worried only 'cos they are your daughters. If they were your sons - you would not have worried. This is something only YOU can change. Qualified daughters (and earning well) are the best thing that can happen to parents.
But parents make it a nightmare for their daughters. Why must she marry NOW ?? Why to a boy EQUALLY QUALIFIED ??? Don't you think you are laying too many demands. Life has changed from your days. What guarantee can you give that if she marries a boy NOW who is EQUALLY QUALIFIED (as per your wishes) that she will be happy. And if she is not will you be happy ??
Get over your social hangovers - relatives commenting that your girls are not married - is the most common one. Forget about your relatives. Let your daughters choose. They will be happy and so will you. Don't sacrifice their and your happiness for your social or unsubstantiated, archaic hangovers. I don't mean to criticise you. I can completely understand your concern - but believe me - take my advice and you and your family will live a happy life. All the best !!!
2007-03-28 10:26:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can understand you pain.. well not actually.. but I can understand your daughter's situation since I was in the same boat not very long ago. Giver her time and let her lead this... I am sure she will marry someone when she is ready.
Ask her why she does not want to marry. Keep an open mind that her reasons might be ok. If she is interested in another guy, give it a chance.
2007-03-28 17:51:51 · answer #3 · answered by Kiana 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Times have changed. Daughters want to choose their own husbands and if you love your daughters, you will let her select her own husband, she'll be much happier that way. I know you want what's best for your daughters, but trying to force them to marry someone they don't want to is only going to make them miserable. You should encourage open communication with your daughters. Try to understand their feelings without judging them or getting upset when they don't feel the same way you do. You'll learn a lot, and will probably have a better relationship with your daughters.
2007-03-28 10:58:41 · answer #4 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well...give her the freedom to choose her own spouse. Let her decide everything from compatibility to qualification to everything. Just tell her that you assign her the responsibility of choosing a right partner for herself because if she is miserable, she will certainly do you and your upbringing injustice. But do not push your daughters too far. Society is changing and there are girls who choose not to get married until they find their beloved. Even if you force them, they may not be able to adjust themselves to the new family they are about to start, which will be a much worse condition than your girl not being married. Since they have a good education and career to look forward to, you have done our responsibility of making their future as secure as possible, as a father. But if they are not ready to marry, step aside gracefully before the friction causes your daughters to be disrespectful to you. You may drop non-verbal hints of having to bear with their thoughtlessness, but do not be too overbearing and demanding in such a situation. I hope your daughters soon find someone they really like and get married but this is a decision you have to let them make for themselves...and I am sure they will take any step only after thinking about it thousand times.
2007-03-28 09:57:21 · answer #5 · answered by Smriti 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well u need to ak you daugher about it. Because its normal these days girls prefer independent life .Well Ask ur daughter if she like some one. Well my parents too asked me the same and i told them please stop looking girl for me since i dotn want to marry an indian. To surprise my parenst were frist shocked later they realise it idesnt matter whom u marry .Well check with them what exactly they want it doenst matter she is 27. In counties like US Europe its comon girls marry once they feel they are ready for it.
Dont push too hard i know being a father ur are concerned but dotn worry everything has time when time come everythign will be fine
2007-03-28 10:01:34 · answer #6 · answered by vikas_dellcomputers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to see this problem from your daughter's perspective. i am a daughter. and i totally feel the pressures of indian culture: you're not allowed to have any sort of boyfriend or have any romantic feelings and then one day all of a sudden you're meant to marry a stranger. That is such a harsh expectation of any girl. Give your daughter time and let her date boys casually with no pressure. If you keep talking about marriage it will scare her away. Just let her go out with boys of your choice but don't mention marriage. She might just fall for one of them...
2007-03-28 18:27:35 · answer #7 · answered by hollym 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sir,
First try to understand why she is not ready for marriage.
There might be unknown reasons:
a. Many people have psychologically problems they are normally afraid of marriage life / sex etc;
b. Man be some love affair ... there are many things like this.
At least ask your wife or 2'nd daughter to talk with her freely. May be since she is women she can express her feelings to them.
There must be some reason which you must find out!
2007-03-28 10:45:01 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand marriage is important and you want your daughters to be happy... but at the same time its them that Will have to bear with the marriage.. so let them choose the person they will have to bear with for the rest of their lives..... Also let them be ready after being stable career wise this will give them an upper hand.. having an equivalent degree wont ensure a good marriage
2007-03-28 09:52:51 · answer #9 · answered by infernos_heart 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can worry, but the decision is hers to make, good or bad. All you can do is be there for her if she gets hurt, but you can't make her pick someone you like, she has to find the one that she feels is right for her. You should accept this person warmly too, no matter what, unless he's abusive, then I would definitely voice my concerns, but don't reject him because of a perceived social difference. What matters is that she is happy.
2007-03-28 09:31:52 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋