How to start a relationship with my mother?

Question

My mother left me many years ago and moved up north. She is now wanting to start a relationship with me. She is moving back down here in Atlanta GA. She really has left a lot of pain bottled up inside of me.

For Doug- My mother moved because she was a young teen parent. She said she wasn't ready to raise a child. So she left me with my grandmother, moved upstate and started a new life. My father refused to take care of me as well.
His family did not approve of their son with a Black woman (cape verde) -my mother

Answer 1

Sweetheart? Don't fear your pain. As you face it, let the wisdom of God Himself work His miracles in your life.
If your mom wants to see you again,
it's not because she doesn't love you and
whatever happened in the past,
let it be there as no one can live in the past.
One of the biggest lesson in life
is to learn the art of living in the "now"
where there is no pain, no confusion
and no ill motives. for nothing.
The more you can remember this
from this moment
until your mom re-enters your life,
the more positive and enriching
your re-connecting will be and
if you go into it with grudges
and resentment of the past
(that you allowed to hurt you for too long already,) everyone's efforts would be doomed to failure
before anything good
even has a chance to get off the ground.
On the other hand,
if you accept your heavenly Father's help,
to right now, forgive your mom,
for whatever it is that in your mind or for real,
she has done that you perceived
as being so wrong towards you,
your blessings will be more miraculeously phenomenal
than you can even imagine.
No mother can hate their own child,
their flesh and blood.
It's against all laws of nature
and if you even think
or ever thought that your mom hated you
even for a minute,
get that idea out of your mind.
It's easy, so easy to assume that when we are young
but hardly ever really true.
It's also too easy to feel guilty
when we are young
over things we had absolutely no control over
and often, it's that guilt that somehow gets distorted
in the ideas that if it weren't for him or her,
I would never have felt like this or that
and we begin to slowly shift the self-blame,
causing self-guilt,
into a form of hate or resentment
against the loved one that in our minds
was the object of all that pain.
Humans are complex
and often become their own worst enemy.
It's sad but true.
As we get older, we usually all somehow get wiser.
And your mom, whether you realize it or not,
has learned more than you can imagine
if only by the pain and sorrow she had to go through
by not having you in her life all this time.
If you think that she didn't think about you
every single day that you were apart,
you'll find out for yourself
when you have your own child one day,
just how impossible that could be.
It's as difficult for a mom to live without her children
as it is for a human being
to live without one of their own limbs, (leg or arm).
It's unthinkable that a mother wouldn't miss her child.
And if she did, then all the more reason to forgive her as it would only prove
that she would have had a serious form of illness
of depression and really needed help
that perhaps never came or only came later.
In spite of whatever horror
you might have allowed your mind to entertain in the past, if today, now, you can find it in your heart
to forgive your mother,
you will soon cherish the most glorious gift
you could ever give yourself,
which is the ability to feel good with yourself,
inside! where no one, no how
can ever take away from you.
Whatever you store in your heart,
is yours to enjoy no matter what.
Don't let it be hate or fears,
which would only make you ill
and cause you terrible pain and anxieties.
Throw them out as though you were throwing out
the garbage from your kitchen
and replace those negative feelings with ones of love, forgiveness, faith, goodness,
joy, patience, peace and hope
as you watch your life change for the better
in all aspects
as these gifts from God transform your very soul
from its painful shell
into a blooming lily of the fields in all its glory.
Your own beauty will then radiate and through your eyes will move all who see you
and the more love you spread around,
the more joy you will experience with not just your mom
but all who will have the privilege
of having you touch their lives.
If you can find it in your heart,
to have the self-discipline using self-control
even when the old feelings pop up as to resurface,
if you can just remind yourself to get out of the past
and into the "now" moment,
you will be happier than you ever imagined you could be from now on and for the rest of your life.
In the name of God's son Jesus Christ,
I do pray that this shall all become a reality for you
and that your new meeting with mom
will only be the beginning of myriads of blessings
that will put an eternal smile
in that kind heart of yours
that will shine through those big brown eyes
I see in your picture.
You're a beautiful girl
who's only going to get more beautiful
as she cleans house inside of her soul.
Be happy.
Remember that what we think about expands
and that anyone can be as happy
as they set their minds to be.
These things, once you make them yours
can never be taken away from you no matter what.
Hear this and remember,
happiness as well as pain of the heart is an "inside" job. Throw out the unnecessary pain
that was put there by a scared little girl
and replace it by the fruits of God's spirit
as seen in Galatians 5:21-22.
Good reading
and may the true God himself help you
to make this the beginning
of the rest of your beautiful life that awaits you.
It is really a matter of choice.
Chose to be as happy and as well as you want to be.
Accept not only my very best wishes for you
but my warm Christian love as well.
As God's spirit heal the child withing,
May He bless the strong woman you are becoming.

Answer 2

Here is the question I usually ask myself when I'm in a questionable situation: will I regret this if I don't do it?

In your case, I think the answer would be "yes". You know people change as they get older. It might be best to talk with mom about why this all occured before passing judgement. Chances are she had a reason and maybe did you a favor by moving away. Even if she doesn't, you can learn to forgive her. Forgiveness is something you do for YOURSELF...not for others. You learn and grow and by forgiving, you lose all of that pent-up anger and hurt. I'm sure whatever the situation was, it was not your fault.

You can have a relationship with mom on any level that you want. It might not be perfect, it might be limited, but I'd say give her a chance and keep it low key. No drama.

Godlovya honey.

Answer 3

"She really has left a lot of pain bottled up inside of me."

Ok, attitude change here...just a bit. Is it fair to say that you put a cork on that bottle that both of you may have filled?

On to the good part...I'm a mom, if you were my daughter and the same circumstance were present it's never too late for both. I have finally contacted you...I want to get to know you, lacking as I may be, I've finally kicked fear/pride to the curb or selfishness... possibly the Holy Spirit has entered in and I've chosen not to ignore it. We should touch on the past with strong agreement to move forward(huge trust builder). I may expect respect, at least a tad as I am your parent first (older and wiser) and also at this age your friend if you are an adult. Stupid me, I've missed alot and time stood still...I wish to know everything and make plans for future get-togethers etc.

If I was you I'd reflect (mirror) that if you have decided the war is over...she's doing something that a normal parent does and guiding you into doing what is right in a way. Consider having a talk with God and pray for strength, guidance, and a peaceful new beginning ..... : )

Answer 4

You have provided no deatils as to why she left, just that she caused pain. The best way to heal any relationship is through simple forgiveness. She is making the first step by coming back into your area. Do your best to simply welcome her with open arms and ask nothing in return. Our Father in heaven, if you are a believer, forgives us for all of our sins, and even sent His Son to die before we asked forgiveness. Surely none of us have been hurt as badly as He. I hope you and your mother will enjoy many years of fellowship.

Answer 5

Tell her she took all her chances with her when she left. A caring and loving mother does not ever leave her children.

Answer 6

tell her what you think of her and then ask her can she help you in any way to get over this feeling. then maybe you can be good friends.