My son is 4, talking about death a lot... is this normal?

Question

We walked past a grave yard yesterday and he asked me about it... the questions have been non stop since then. He's been telling me that he doesn't want to die and am I going to die soon?
First thing he told me this morning was: 'Mummy grandad's gonna die soon because he's fat' I asked how he knew that, he said that his friend told him that fat people are unhealthy therefore they just die. Also he told me he doesn't want to go near mountains anymore because he might fall and just before I left him at school today he told me to only cross the road when the lights are green because cars are dangerous... I've never noticed him talking about one subject so much, is it normal?

Answer 1

All kids at some age go through a fear of death and or curiosity about death at some stage. It is quite normal.
Just try and reassure him and answer all his questions honestly about death.

Answer 2

First of all has he had strep throat lately, because if he has, then there could be a connection here, as children with strep throat can develope a temporary case of Obessive Compulsive Dissorder. Most will talk about a particular subject like your son.

Now if he has not had strep throat, then it is likely that he got his first reality dose about death and he can't get it off his mind, he wants to know how people die and he wants to protect the people that he loves the most because he does not want them to die. He is not feeling safe at the moment.

You need to find stories talking about death that or for children. You need to discuss death with him and let him know that people die that is the way our bodies are designed. If you believe in God or life after death, then you need to let him know that you do and why you do, and explain to him that if you die before him which you don't plan to anytime soon, that you will be waiting on him.

This is a tough subject, but be patient with him, and don't get on to him about discussing the subject, the more he discusses it, the more the likely hood of it going away pretty quickly, as we do better when we voice ourselves rather than holding it all in. Just give him appropriate times in which to discuss the topic, because other people may not want to discuss death with him.

Answer 3

Totally normal. My son who is 5 now STILL talks about it nonstop. All the questions - when am I going to die, will I die first before my brother, how old is the oldest person before he died, how old will I be when I die, etc...... Today for example he said he was sad he was older than his brother and sister because it meant he would die first. Argh!!! It'll pass though, kids are just morbidly fascinated with it at that age.

Answer 4

I guess he hates Halloween now huh?

On the bright side, you sure won't have the problem of saying "No! Dont play with fire/ poke you finger in the socket/ run wildly across the street/ talk the strangers..."

With a little reassurance from you, he's gonna be fine.

Answer 5

My son went thru this also. As kids get older and smarter and more aware of how things work they start to find out that there are some scary things in the world. It is good that he asks/tells you about it.

Answer 6

Kids have questions about the world around them and they can seem obsessive. Then they get over it. Just answer his questions as honestly as you can and be appropriate for a 6 year-old.

Answer 7

maybe his friend and him have been talking about it a lot. you can do a little (not spy like) research on the family of his friend. maybe that kid's hearing things from his family.

but i think it's not so bad. he doesn't want to die anyway. i think this is really the time when children learn about autonomy vs. shame and about and initiative vs. guilt. he's just learning about things he can and cannot do.

Answer 8

The graveyard got his curiosity peaked and now he cant let it go. Just reassure him you arent going to die until you are an old old lady and he will not die until he is an old old man.