These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place. It's worth reading to the end!
Those of you who have worked with attorneys will find this very easy to
understand. Others will find it easier.
ATTORNEY: Are you s€xually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________ !
ATTORNEY: & nbsp; This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at
all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
______________ ________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be or4l, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Or4l.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
____________________________________________
And the best for last
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
law.
2007-03-28 00:08:38 · 16 answers · asked by Just passing the time! 5 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
hahaha, it's true that clever people have no common sense, thanks for the laugh, have a star.
2007-03-28 00:15:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
its a good job that you stopped when you did as you would have been responsible for an accident
that was the funniest thing i heard in years
i will be laffin all day thank you
2007-03-28 00:18:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
LOL well worth the time! Put a smile on my face anyways ty!
2007-03-28 00:15:28 · answer #3 · answered by The Weird One! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You left the best for last!
Cheers.
2007-03-28 00:15:14 · answer #4 · answered by prairiegurrl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
and these people are supposed to be some of the smartest on the planet?
2007-03-28 02:20:40 · answer #5 · answered by Jaimee1987 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
good job i dont work in a court, i would be on the floor laughing!
2007-03-28 00:23:08 · answer #6 · answered by val f1 nutter 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
they are very good lol defiantly worth a star
2007-03-28 00:16:54 · answer #7 · answered by fireblade 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Too funny, now give us some more, LOL
2007-03-28 00:17:14 · answer #8 · answered by Friend 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think I'll buy the book!
2007-03-28 02:05:42 · answer #9 · answered by Always Hopeful 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this was on a few days ago it was funny then
2007-03-28 02:19:37 · answer #10 · answered by MUTLEY 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋