Please be honest, as I can always improve, if it sucks, please tell me so, if it's good, let me know.
Thanks
Still Looking
Always carrying an empty picture frame,
Looking for her to fit the picture,
Searching for her to share my name,
I'll find you I am sure.
Carefully climbing the highest mountain,
I meet and find someone,
Staying longer to be certain,
She's not the one.
Breathlessly running through the grass
Seeing a lady in a dress,
Hoping I've found her at last,
But I realize she's like the rest.
Tiredly swimming the largest lakes,
I see someone with a beautiful smile,
It's not you and is a mistake,
That I can't deny.
Looking I know she's there,
This I am sure,
With my name to share,
Still haven't seen what I am looking for.
2007-03-27 23:11:51 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Well I guess, it's kinda okay.... what how about this :
Breathlessly running to the grass
Seeing a Lady in a dress,
Hoping I've found her at last,
But I realize she UNDRESS....
much better? NO! hahaha!
this one!
Looking I know she's there,
This I'm sure with my name to share,
For I'm dying of love,
Praying,
My knees on the floor,
Still haven't seen what I'm looking for.
2007-03-27 23:19:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
no good re wrrite it the last part was good sumfen like threw the adulation of her eyes i feel the warmth that does not lie that i cant deny still i become for i know shes there with my name to share yet i long effortlesly to search more re write it now get my drift could be alot better i know u can luke i am your father cia
2007-03-28 06:18:33 · answer #2 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've read similar geographical descriptions in other poetry--"highest mountain, deepest sea" stuff. You have potential. I would do away with the over-dramatization. Some of it is OK, but some is too sappy.
2007-03-28 06:18:11 · answer #3 · answered by gone 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's great. Love is so hard to find. We'd go to the ends of the earth just to find it. To love is to risk practically everything.
Men call the poetic guys gay, but their just stupid for that. Women prefer the ones who can express their feelings than ones who act all manly but aren't really. Those men are plastics! It's great! You should continue to write....
2007-03-28 06:19:35 · answer #4 · answered by Love or hate? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like some of it...but some of the other parts kinda bored me...i think you have potential being as you said you just wrote it :) work on it some more and repost it please :) and yeah, i agree with the person that said it was a little over dramatic. i bet it would make a great Nickelback song :)
2007-03-28 07:54:08 · answer #5 · answered by Cinna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good poem, try to see if you can make the end of most lines rhyme...just the icing on the cake....
2007-03-28 06:16:48 · answer #6 · answered by chaminda l 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's pretty good man
keep it up
2007-03-28 06:17:34 · answer #7 · answered by Sherif 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its pretty good dude
2007-03-28 06:17:13 · answer #8 · answered by hyperlite9009 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋