Should I just wait for him to propose?

Question

Hi! So I have been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years. I am having some trouble because I feel like the "spark" is gone and I am struggling to get the motivation to work on this. I am not sure where our relationship is going - we lived together for a year, and I was unhappy, and moved out. I am struggling to figure out what the next "step" is for our relationship-I have asked him repeatedly to get married, and he says that he is not ready yet, but can see us getting married in the future. Question-should i try living with him again and hope that it brings us closer together (and save a ton on rent)? and, how long do I have to wait for him to propose? I am an impatient, take charge kind of girl so I am not good at just spending years "waiting".

Thank you for all of the responses! I think it was a bad idea to live together in the first place...I was against it from the start, but gave it a chance because he really wanted to. I moved out a year later both because I was unhappy and I got a good job offer in another town. And do you really need a "spark" to get married - if we get along great and enjoy each other's company, is that enough, because I always thought that the spark died out in marriage anyway.

Hi again, i guess my real question is, if you have to wait a few more years before he will be ready, how do you make sure in the meantime that your relationship does not just stagnate? I do not think that moving in with him will help.

Answer 1

Living with, No

Let him pursue you. Make yourself less available, and he will appreciate you more when you're around.

This answers your questions, but I'd like to propose option #3.

Is there a problem with you meeting new people? What if you spark with someone new? I'm not blaming him for "not being ready", but actions, (and in this case, inaction), have consequences.

Luck

Answer 2

whoa- what are u doing!!!!!! 1st u'r struggling to get motivation on this then u say "u've been asking him to marry u repeatedly". 2nd, if u keep pushing him to get married and he "won't be seeing it in u'r future". 3rd,u lived with him before and was UNHAPPY -ask u'r self what made u unhappy being there and will it happen again or is it something that has been changed or can be changed. if it can be changed (don't count on it being him) it will have to be u, and how much are willing to change for him and will u be u when u'r done. 4th, why would u want to marry when the "spark is gone".5th, it needs to mean more to u than just rent.
GOT ANYTHING ON THE POSITVE SIDE OF THE PAGE
and this take charge, impatient, pushy attitude may be the very thing that's holding him back. marriage is more than just a piece of paper, luv u'r self- luv him and be happy in the now. then if it's to be, then so be it. if not , then move on.
GOOD LUCK AND BE HAPPY (positive)

Answer 3

You remind me so much of myself. Only at least I was smart enough never to actually 'live' with my boyfriend. I think that was a mistake and if you move back in it will be an even bigger mistake. The thing about relationships is that they need to continually move forward in order to be successful. (even after marriage) Guys don't much like to hear this. He's probably already getting everything he 'thinks' he wants out of the relationship so why fix it if it isn't broken? You can wait on him to propose, but I wouldn't recommend it. The same thing happened with me. I met the man that I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We had a wonderful relationship and we often talked about the future. I knew that he wanted to marry me some day, (some elusive day) We had been together for Five (!) years when I finally decided that things were just too stagnant and I told him that either our relationship should move to the next level (marriage) or I was just going to have to move on with my life without him. During the course of our relationship, I was constantly being asked out by other guys, so I knew that I would not really have a problem having a social life but the big risk for me was that I knew he was a great catch too (goodlooking, good personality, smart, good job, responsible etc.) But it just seemed stupid and boring to remain where we were, doing nothing and building on nothing. And I could feel that 'spark' diminishing too. So sure enough, I started seeing someone else, ( it was all above board, no sneaking around) and that was all it took to bring him around to his senses because he truly was about to lose me because I was really beginning to like this other guy. In no time flat he was on his knees proposing. The only thing was, he said if we were going to be married it was going to happen in one month! God bless my mother for pulling it all together. That was 27 years ago and we're still together. So my advice for you, is to continue to be a 'take charge' girl and take charge. If he is the man for you, then he will not let you slip away. But you deserve someone who will 'fight' for their relationship with you, that is what keeps the spark 'hot'. He may not be the one for you, but you need to find out.

Answer 4

Tough question... you have to really ask yourself, are you into commiting to him? If you think marriage can keep you together without the "spark", let me say that there are rising numbers of divorces too. In many cases, after just few years of marriage. If you are willing to commit to him, you can try find ways to create the "spark" since u are the take charge type. In the modern world, gals do inititate first as compared to last 20 years. Also, you have to find out what is holding him back. Money? Freedom? Too many gals friends, in which he cannot decide who's better? Or maybe its something about u that he doesnt like and did not sound out? Think of all the possiblities of problems, speak to someone close to identify the problems.

Answer 5

You know, my girlfriend and I are in the same situation. She wants me to propose and I am not ready.

I like to have everything planned out and perfect, I want to be financially sound, I want to ensure she is going to be financially sound. I want to ensure that when I ask her to marry me, that material matters (ring and what not) are sufficient. I want our actual wedding to be nice, not thrown together at a court house.

I want to make sure she is taken care of, because the next step after marriage is children, if I am working a lot, how can I be a supportive father and husband.....there is just a lot of pressure there.

I would say back off, re-evaluate what you want in life, marriage is great and all but I think you are thinking with your heart instead of your head, financial sustainability as well as paying heed to the time/money ratio is probably the most important thing to worry about.

Are you scared he is gonna up and bail on you one day and you wasted all that time for nothing? moving out was a stupid decision too, it shows that you run away from things when they don't go your way, maybe he thinks you have some growing up to do as well.

I dunno all the facts, i can only base my judgement on your question. Hope it helps though

Answer 6

ok, enable me get this right now. you're 21, have dated seventy seven human beings, had intercourse with 7 and have been engaged three times. you have been with this guy for 2 months and a week. And in accordance to you, you have "lived for years purely accepting the undeniable fact which you will possibly in all probability on no account get married". how some years might that be? have you ever been living in this for the reason which you have been 10? i do no longer think of you're waiting to be married. i think of he's wise in desirous to attend 3 years. a minimum of three years, even maybe 4 or 5. sturdy success to you.

Answer 7

Really hate to say it but you have the answer to the question of marriage. Problem is you don't like it. In my view as a seasoned old guy (emphasize "old") your pursuing a long term relationship with him is what they call in investments, "throwing good money after bad." It may well be he just doesn't want a partner who takes charge. If he's THE guy, you may wait forever for him to propose.

Answer 8

The spark is gone, you're struggling with the motivation to work on it and your solution to all of this is to: get married?

I see nothing in your message about love and how amazing he is and how great you feel when you're around him....

No love there and no connection either. No foundation for marriage.

Answer 9

It is possible that since you lived together and were unhappy, he is afraid that if you married and lived together you would be unhappy again. That would deter me from wanting to propose.
I would suggest you try living together one more time before thinking about marrying. If it turns out the way it was before, you probably don't have a good chance at a lasting relationship with him.
Good luck

Answer 10

Are you sane? The spark is gone. Your unhappy. Lets get married? You need mental therapy in strong doses. That's why the divorce rate is so high.