My boyfriend doesn't want me to talk on my cell phone while we are together on dates.?

Question

I am dating a man exclusively now for 2 months. He is 46, I am 40.
He is bothered by me taking phone calls on my cell when we are spending time together. He got jealous tonight, thinking I was in the bathroom texting another man. I was actually checking up on my 12 year old daughter. A lady friend of his pointed this out to him, suggesting that I use the bathroom alot and seem to use my phone alot too.
I assured him that there is no other man in my life. That I am a Mother first, and need to return calls to my daughter at times.

I think his lady friend is jealous of our happiness and looking for things to point out to him about me.

Do I drop it, or tell him I think she's watching me way too closely!

Answer 1

I love the name Scarlett! :-)

Well, my first feeling when reading your question is that your boyfriend may be getting his obvious Love for you mixed up with a desire to possess you. This is so common - just about everyone I know is in a relationship that is corrupted by this lower nature need to possess the person we 'need.' Hmmm...it's not easy to work out, from what I have seen, but I can tell you THIS. The fastest way for these unhealthy symptoms to worsen would be for You to give your power to his issue. I believe you need to talk with him about it, and express to him in no uncertain terms that you will not settle for undeserved distrust from him, and that although you respect his request for your undivided attention, you are an autonomous adult who makes your own decisions and choices. Believe me on this: if you fail NOW to communicate your concerns, he WILL get worse and one day you'll awaken and no longer remember who you are without his constant direction.

As far as his woman friend goes: if he's not adult enough at 46 to know what's what -- well, hmm, maybe he's not emotionally intelligent enough to have a REAL relationship with a woman like yourself.

Hope you work it out
Blessings

Answer 2

Oooohhh, great question!
While it can be very annoying to have the person you are with spending your time together on the cell phone, there are times when it is understandable that you need to call other people. I do not think you should have to hide in the bathroom to use your phone. Nor do I think he needs to be accepting guidance from some other woman regarding his relationship with you. Why should he be jealous of you if he is discussing your relationship with another woman?
It seems there are a couple of challenges here. Perhaps you could limit your calls when you are together. But make the ones you do need to make in his presence. That way he won't think you are sneaking around.
At two months into the relationship it seems like he is assuming an awful lot of control though. How serious are you about this guy?

Answer 3

First off, this other woman is not the problem. The problem is the guy, or your relationship with the guy as it stands now. Don't lose sight of that. If you were talking to anyone but your child, I'd have to agree that it's rude to be talking on a cell phone during a date. However, your child is another issue all together. The problem here seems to be that you're trying to do it in private (probably because he's gotten upset that you're doing it at all). The privacy thing makes it worse, though, because now, in addition to getting upset that you're talking to your daughter, paranoia has been thrown into the mix. I'd lay down the law with him about returning calls from your child, or returning any emergency call. If he has a problem with that, he is not the guy for you (or anyone). But I'd stop making/taking those calls in private--just do it right at the table. Just make it brief, to be polite. You don't want to have a ten-minute conversation--your daughter needs to learn boundaries, too, and she needs to learn not to bother you when you're on a date unless there is a real need.

Answer 4

It is considered bad etiquette to talk or text while on a date. Many consider it bad manners also.
That said, here are a few ideas from me.
Tell your daughter to only call or text if it is an emergency. Let him know you have told her too only call in an emergency from now on. If she does call, tell him it is your daughter and you have to take the call.
As for the meddling old bitty. She sounds like she is jealous. Do you think she has ideas about him?
If he continues to pick out your flaws and blaming it on her pointing them out. I would drop them both. A potential partner has no business talking about you, to any one except you. He is 46, not 16 for gods sake.

Answer 5

Guys dont give two shits about who you are talking to for the most part.

What we care about is that your spending our time together on the ******* phone. Now your situation is a bit different being a mother and all, but Im willing to bet your daughter wasnt the only person you were having a conversation with.

If the phone rings and its not important you let that **** go to voice mail. Otherwise youre telling the guy that youd rather be spending your time talking with someone else instead of being with him.

Answer 6

That's easy: use it in front of him if you're texting (and not in the middle of a conversation or out on a date or watching a movie) and then if he comments on you talking to another man, just show him the call history and if he's really jealous, have him press "Talk" so he can check.

I guarantee that after a couple of times doing that, he'll just feel stupid and stop. I think the other problem is the implied secrecy: when you leave the room, whether it's to be polite or just to get some privacy, he thinks you're saying something he shouldn't hear vs. being considerate. If you do the above and he can see openly who you're talking to, that should clear things up.

And, yes, his female friend is c*ck blocking (or whatever the female equivalent of "c*ck blocking" is)...

Good luck!

Answer 7

Stop using your phone call your daughter dont text her. personally i find it offensive when someone im spending time with uses their phone. its almost like the person on the other line is way more important. Obviously your daughter is but not many other people are i mean you do have a voicemail if its that important the person can leave a message or just wait.

Answer 8

First of all...he is only jealous, probably because he has had past girlfriends who have cheated on him which has made him weary about all girls.
Second of all you need to ShOW him proof that you have no men in your life, and if he doesn't believe you, he is going to be a jealous man throughout the relationship and is probably not a good candidate anyways.
Third, i would be more concirned with this "lady friend" of his, and why she is barging into the relationship, she is most likely there because she secretly likes him,
Be sure not to jump to conclusions though, let the answers come to you naturally, don't try to pry anything out of him or his friends.

Answer 9

On the one hand, I can understand that it can be aggravating when someone keeps making/taking phone calls when they're with you. My son comes to visit, and it aggravates me when he starts making phone calls. I always think, "Why not make your calls before or after you're here?"

Having said that, if its just calls to and from your daughter I think your boyfriend does need to understand that you're a mother first. If he's imagining you text other men while you're with him that seems to me like a sign there's a problem with your boyfriend. He's kind of old for that kind of insecurity, and you have a right to be trusted if you haven't done anything to cause him not to trust you.

This is, obviously, just an opinion, but I think you should say something to him like, "If you have any questions about what I'm doing when I'm with you I wish you'd just ask me. Other than that, though, I wish you wouldn't be listening to other people who are making guesses about what they think I'm doing when they're not guessing correctly."

She may not be jealous. There's the chance she really thinks she's looking out for his wellbeing, so her motives aren't something you can guess about. Still, if she's pointing stuff out to him it pretty much amounts to her trying to cause trouble, and I think you need to address the issue.

Answer 10

I think you are old enough to realize your priorities, and he is not.
How about dropping him?? He cannot be a good influence if he is jealous over your responsibilities.

If you are having to check up on your daughter alot, you may need to focus on her for now.