An old one?

Question

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life!, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night" She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.
The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

Answer 1

good but agree with honey because i put it on here

Answer 2

How bout O'Reilly's son. Was wrestling for country, and doing quite fine (trying to type with an Irish accent), when he had to face Ivan, The Horrible, Paretzelkov. The advice from his coach was to avoid his infamous "Pretzel Hold." Once put into that, It was impossible to get out.

During the match, son of O'Reilly was holding his own, until late in the match, he was put in the dreadful hold.
Doom and gloom had set in on the faces of the Irish onlookers, until all of a sudden, the Russian was thrown in the air, landed on the mat, and pinned for his first defeat ever.

After the match, the Irishman's coach asked incredulously how such a feat was turned.

O'Reilly, stated that when put into the grotesque hold, "I could see the red army man's testicles right in front of my face, so I did what any Irish man would do for pride and country and bit down hard on them."

"Aye, young lad," said the coach, "you bit his balls, did ya?"

"No!" O'Reilly responded... "You'd be surprised of the incredible strength ya can muster when you bite down on your own jewels, though!

Answer 3

Hi there Lulu, As they say, the old ones are the best....very good! Here is one of my favourite classics for you:
A man who had been dating his girlfriend for quite a while, was finally invited to go to her house and meet her parents. On his way to the meeting, the man realised that he was suffering really bad with chronic wind. On his arrival, he was ushered into the lounge and introduced to the girls mother, who was sat on the sofa. Then he was offered a seat next to her father who was sat in a chair whereby the family dog, Bruno, was sat close by to him. Only minutes into the meeting, the man felt his stomach rumble, and realised that he was going to fart. The inevitable happened and he let out a really loud and smelly one. He was feeling mortified, when the father shouted: "Bruno! Get away from that man!" The man was relieved and carried on with the evening. A while later, the man felt the familiar rumbling in his stomach, and out came another loud and smelly one. Once again, the father yelled: "Bruno! Get away from that man!" And once again, the man felt a comfort in his reprieve. After about an hour, the man felt the all too familiar pain in his gut that was to present the loudest and smelliest fart imaginable! By this time, the father had lost his patience, whereby he shouted: "Bruno! Get away from that man before he Sh*ts all over you! :o)

Answer 4

Not bad, but has been posted loads of times in the last few days sorry.

Answer 5

Yes it a really good joke, but I only read it the other day.

Answer 6

lmfao that was very funny thanx for the laugh that's a good one. keep them coming.

Answer 7

Well it might be old but I've not heard it before. Excellent!

Answer 8

THAT'S rude
very funny but still rude

Answer 9

old one but 10/10
makes me laugh every time

Answer 10

very good !!! nice one to wake up to !! "a bright start to the day"