Does anyone have any suggestions on how to approach genetic family?

Question

My partner was adopted but wants to meet his birth family, so that he can find out the medical history (and if things go well to possibly get to know them). He has the phone number of his mum's mother, but he is really nervous of being turned away and has put it off for years. Does anyone have any suggestions based on personal experience (or not based on personal experience) on how we can approach this situation in the best way?

Answer 1

Congratulations on the search results!

There's a lot of different advice out there on how to make that first contact. You may want to search around for adoptee and first parent blogs to read their personal experiences with reunion. Each one is different.

Some links that have advice on first contact are

http://www.pacer-adoption.org/search_reunion/contact_successful.htm
http://birthfamily-search.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/reunion-contact-by-telephone

Some people say phone... other people say letter. It all depends a lot on the circumstances of his surrender. A number of people have had bad results with a third party getting involved... they can bring their own biases into it. I know of one first mom who was approached by an intermediary who botched it up so bad. She said later if only her son had been the first one to make contact, it would have been different. If you go with an intermediary, be sure to question them fully on their experience, and exactly why it is they've gotten involved in this area.

I'm glad he's got you there for support. Reunion is a rollercoaster and we need people to be there for us through it.

Answer 2

I think using a "middle man" would take a lot of pressure off. If you used a priest or counselor, they would ensure confidentiality, yet could make the contact to see if the family is receptive. Even if not receptive, the family may be willing to provide medical history to a neutral party.

And hopefully the family would be willing to be open to actual contact.

Answer 3

I agree with writing a letter, I would suggest being very clear with your intentions and exactly what information you are looking for, and of course include your contact information. Good luck, I can only imagine how stressful this will be on both sides!

Answer 4

First of all, its all approximately point of view and OBVIOUSLY you've got an excessively jaded point of view on household, marriage and children. You're now not by myself, plenty of folks believe this manner and its customarily because of developing up in a dysfunctional household surroundings with unsatisfied mum and dad. I'll begin together with your first premise at the institution measure and activity. If you verify earlier than even coming into institution what you are passionate approximately as a man or woman, and what YOU importance, NOT what society thinks you must importance, then you'll be able to get an fascinating measure so one can permit you to get a well paying activity doing whatever you ACTUALLY LOVE DOING (I have this). Of path running nine to five at the back of a table and a cubicle is not stunning or beautiful to ANYBODY, but it surely does not have got to be that method. As a ways as a residence and loan, folks emerge as "trapped" as you are saying on this regard once they acquire a residence and loan that is ABOVE their way. If you (and your partner) make adequate cash to pay your loan each and every month on time, all different charges, pass out and feature a laugh/leisure, take steady holidays AND nonetheless financial institution a few for the long run, then how is a loan trapping you? And so far as kids, should you see them as fiscal responsibilities, as a substitute than and extension of the affection you've got in your partner, and further folks on your lifestyles to like, then both you are fairly younger, or you are simply now not the parenting style (and that is good enough since now not each person is). And should you and your spouse earn a tight dwelling and funds competently, it'll lower the arguments over price range vastly. My spouse and I RARELY argue over cash. I realize the lifestyles you take into account "ho hum" is not for each person, however you have just about diminished each and every confident factor approximately that lifestyles right into a terrible. I have no idea what you take into account a greater or extra fascinating lifestyles however let's imagine for illustration yours is journeying everywhere the sector, courting many specific ladies and in no way settling down and in no way having youngsters. Sounds a laugh huh? But how approximately the truth that you can NEVER believe grounded or like you've got a situation that is your possess. You'll in no way have that targeted man or woman on your lifestyles that you'll be able to proportion your hopes, desires, pursuits, joys, pains and fears with. In truth, you are not able to even expect that man or woman to fairly be there for you AT ALL while you wish to have them such a lot since they are not "yours". You do not have the enjoyment of looking a youngster you have created develop, kiss your cheek and inform you they love you, gain knowledge of to tie their sneakers, learn, write, trip a motorcycle, pass on their first date, pass to top tuition promenade, get married and begin their possess lifestyles. You see how I rapidly made the option appear simply as unhealthy because the photo you have painted? Its all approximately point of view and what YOU as an character importance in lifestyles.

Answer 5

face to face (or voice to voice) introductions are hard. he should probably start with writing his grandmother a letter. (type the phone # into google and get the connecting adress if its a landline). After he's shown his intrest in meeting her, she should write back or call him. (include the # in the letter) that way, both parties are interested in getting to know eachother.