Is it ever God's will to stay married to an adulterer?

Question

4 years ago I found out that my husband had been commiting adultery. He travels in his work and had had numerous one night stands over several years. I suspected as much but he always denied it to the point of making me feel bad for doubting him. He let his guard down and got caught. After much soul searching and praying I felt I should leave him, but I didn't. I was insecure and I just was plain old afraid to start out on my own. I've heard that other couples get past it and have stronger relationships, but Its been 4 years and I just can't get past it. I smile and try to act like nothing is the matter, but I've got a wall around me. I keep him at arms length emotionally, I dont even talk to friends about anything other than trivial stuf. Ive prayed and asked God to help me, but I just dont have any faith n my husband any more. I feel God's will was to get out 4 years ago and now he doesnt listen to my prayers for help in this anymore. Will this ever get better? has any1 gon thru this

he says he is now faithful an sees what damage he has done. But i have ahard time just believing him. He said the same "I'm faithful " speech for seven years and it was all a lie. why should I believ it simply because he said it again?

Answer 1

Although God permits divorce because of adultery, He doesn't require it. In the Bible, the prophet Hosea forgave his adulterous wife and stayed with her (a good picture of how God remains with us although we cheat on Him by sinning).

You don't say the two of you have gotten any counseling or that you have any reason to believe he has changed -- or that he wants to. Certainly God can and has healed broken relationships, but your husband would need to be willing, too. You have Biblical justification to divorce your husband; talk to a pastoral counselor to help you sort out what you need to do.

Answer 2

First of all, does your husband still love you? Has he shown any remorse for what he's done? Is is he still doing it? A lot of times people will tell you that as a Christian you have to just grin and bear it, and keep forgiving those who do you wrong, especially your spouse. But no where in Scripture does it say you have to be a doormat. If you still have feelings for your husband, you need to give him an ultimatum. Is he serious about making this relationship work or not? If not, there's no reason why you should remain in that relationship. Yes, the bible does speak against divorce, but there are justifiable reasons for it. 1) Adultery, 2) In the case of constant physical abuse, or 3) when one spouse just makes it completely impossible to be around. You have to be realistic. What counts is that you've evidently made an effort. Perhaps more of an effort than you should have. Just because you forgive someone for an act, doesn't always mean you must maintain that relationship. God is not going to hold you responsible for leaving a marriage that is not working. You shouldn't have to feel guilty. Like I said before, if your husband is not trying to make the marriage work, why are you staying in it? Remember, you cannot make someone love you. You've evidently prayed about it. There is a time to pray, a time to wait, and a time to act. I think you've reached the final point. Best of luck to you.

Answer 3

It is never God's will that a family be broken up. But if you could not forgive him perhaps you should have gotten counseling from a pastor to help put your marriage back together. It is never too late to start that now. God wants us to pray for a spouse which has gone astray. Believe me this is not always easy and you need the support of others around you to help you press through this. I would ask, is your husband doing these things now? If not, then you need to bring all this back out in the open and talk it out as it is like a sore which has healed over but has a lump underneath. It will never go away until it has been opened up again and cleaned out. Marriage is never easy but you need the support of a church family to help you. If your husband is doing the same things (adultery) according to the bible you can divorce him.

Answer 4

in the experience that your buddy is Christian she is incorrect. Matthew 5:31-32 KJ version (Jesus speaking) 31 "It hath been mentioned, Who so ever shall placed away his spouse, enable him provide her a writing of divorcement" 32 "yet I say unto you, That whosoever shall placed away his spouse, saving for the reason for fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that's divorced committeth adultery." So fornication or the act of intercourse outdoors the marriage is the exception to that rule. Now if she does be attentive to this verse and nonetheless believes wht you mentioned , then she continues to be following the male slanted doctrin that holds women folk to a extra robust known than Jesus meant. while the adult adult males got here to stone the female for adultry and he stopped them, what did he say? the place are people who might condem you? there have been none and he mentioned neither do I condenm you. So, the respond is From God's point of view as I comprehend it. No you're no longer perpetually married. purely What God hath braught at the same time, can no guy placed asunder.

Answer 5

It really depends. If He wants to try, you have to forgive him. That means completely, not at an arms length. Then you are holding out on him. I know that it is hard to forgive, but I have found that if you say it out loud or write it down, then God can begin the healing. My old Pastor told me something wise long ago. Ignore the feelings and pretend that you love him or her. After a while the real feelings of love will come back. It worked for both of us! Don't put your faith in your husband, put it in God. He will work everything out. But the most important thing is to have a relationship with God. Yours seem to be dead, try going to a Church that believes in the Baptism of the Holy Ghost to jump start it. Then He will lead you. He is our source of joy.

Answer 6

i believe that God is a restoring God - all through out the Bible you can trace that God loves restoration. It is possible for you to overcome this and move on. it wont be easy, but then again, most things we do as a Christian are not always easy to our flesh.
- even if you had felt that God wanted you to leave your husband, you chose to stick it out. I honestly dont think divorce now is an option. because if you were to divoce him now, you would be divorcing out of bitterness and hurt. - both are not grounds for divorce.

1 Peter 3:7 talks about how we are to not resent our spouse because if we do, our prayers will go unanswered.
- i think its your unforgiveness/hurt that is keeping your prayers from getting answered.
as Christians, we dont live by what we feel or see - but we live by faith. you might feel like keeping that wall around you, or keeping him at arms length - but thats when living by faith comes into play. i encourage you to seek Godly counsel from your pastor. God can restore but you have to let go of your unforgiveness.

Answer 7

First of all i would like to say you are a fabulous person.
Women aren't like you much anymore.
I used to cheat on my wife, but i have always been honest as well. I always told her the truth and genuinly felt sorry and regret it now. It's not about me though...
My non-biological mother and dad went thru this and he is now going to church and has stopped all of the wickedness he once did. However, no man can help you decide, but sometimes people do change. I will pray for you though and ask God to bless you. You have a strong and wonderful heart.

Answer 8

I,m moslem n i beliefe that God always with us, but ourselve often forget. God answer our prayer in many diferent way, it can be directly or indirecly. Maybe God answer u'r prayer by giving u stronger feling to leave ur husbund or giving u chance to witnes ur husbend is a adulterer.In moslem geting devorced is not frbid but it is something that God hate most.
Just beliefe me that god is always with u

Answer 9

Some of these guys are not giving you what the Bible says:

Matthew 19: 9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

Just flip that around and you have whosoever shall put away her husband, except it be for fornication...

Clearly he committed fornication, and you would not be committing adultery for "putting him away." Besides that the Bible says "What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. " Did God put you and your "husband" together, or was it your idea for you two to get together. God does not put every married couple together, we do that ourselves.

Answer 10

Some men should not travel in their work. Some men should not be left alone with computers late at night. Some men should not be left alone with the TV. No men should be left alone with a woman who is not his wife.

That's a start to how he can show you that he wants to make it work.