What is your opinion on this? Do you think this mother is right for doing this?

Question

First a little background info so that you can understand this. The mother is an overbering type who does not think very highly of her daughter and tries to potray her as an incompetant person who is incapable of making her own decisions. The daughter's oldest child is a child of rape, but has a guy who has taken care of her since birth; he is the only father she has known. The mother does not like this guy; the reason is unknown because he has done nothing but shown her the upmost respect, but will not bow down to her wishes. The daughter and this guy want to have joint placement of the grand-daughter, but the mother is against this arrangement. She has went so far as to threaten taking the daughter to court if she allows the grand-daughter to go over there at all. Do you think that she is right for being against this and for making the threat that she has?

If you are not going to be serious about this, then don't respond. Find another way to get points.

It' is only because she doesn't like him( he won't kiss her a**, so to speak). She has no valid reason and is never able to come up with one.

The mother is claiming, and has gone around telling family members, that the daughter is giving the child away because she doesn't want her, even though she was told, more than once, that it was not the case. She just wants things her way and needs a way to justify her actions. The arrangement was explained to her( the grand-daughter spending two weeks at a time with the guy and his family, who are completely for the idea)

25 years old; completely legal.

presleygirl, I understand your concern but that is NOT the case. This is not a sudden thing with him wanting to spent time with her. He has since she was born, and as far as he is concerned, she is his. The only reason this came up is because he switched jobs and was unable to spent as much time with her as he used to due to his schedule.

And I didn't know that you have to marry the mother in order to have a bond with the child; things don't always work out but that will not change your feelings for a child you have raised since birth.

Answer 1

My personal opinion is that grandma is more than overbearing, grandma is nuts. UNLESS either parent is shown to be unfit (and that is by legal standards, not grandma's hatred), then the parents can and should make the right decisions for their child. Grandma has no legal grounds unless she has proof that the parents are not fit.
Everyone has this picture of loving grandmas, who sit around baking cookies. NOT. My grandchildren got taken by a grandma who is a control freak like this... it would never have happened, if her son had realized that he needed to set boundaries, including a restraining order if that is what it takes.
What grandma is doing is emotional blackmail. And it will continue, until someone puts a stop to it.

Answer 2

I think most mothers worry if their childs decisions are the right ones. I think especially in this case where her own daughter was rapped, it would be more scary for her. As there is no legal ties to this man she may be worried about the care of the child and what would happen. I completely understand letting him be a part of the childs life, I however think if the mother is going to give the child to someone for two weeks of each month, the mother has a reason to be worried. It does seem like she is trying to get rid of the child and she could possibly have a case. Most parents want to see their child as much as possible. If a judge awards a true father every other weekend why would a mother give a legal stranger (no matter what relationship he is a legal stranger) her daughter for two weeks. I think I see more of the grandmothers point here.

edit to married doesn't change anything, if he has no legal right to that lengthy of a visit it could be considered abandonment on the mothers part and easy for the grandmother to get custody. Any mother willing to give up that length of time has to be questioned. A day trip sure, a night trip occasionally but atleast half of each month? no way.

Answer 3

You left out a very important piece of information--is Daughter a minor?

EDIT TO ADD THIS AFTER YOU ADDED ADDITIONAL DETAILS:

You didn't state (I don't think) where they live, but if they live in the U.S.....

If Daughter is 25 (a legal adult), then why is she worried about this? Grandma *might* be able to take her to court (you can pretty much take anybody to court over anything), but unless she can prove that this man is a danger to the child/that it’s harmful in some way for the child to spend time around him…she won’t get anyway. IS there something else that Daughter is worried about? Something that might turn up during a court proceeding?

But let me add this too…it’s not real clear exactly what they’re planning to do, but IF they plan on a two-weeks at one place/two-weeks at the other type of deal…there are, in my opinion, very FEW children who are able to handle constantly moving back and forth like that. Some can, but not the majority. And it depends a lot on the age of the child (which you didn’t state).

And since another poster mentioned this….the fact that Mom is allowing her child to spend two-weeks with this man would NOT constitute abandonment. Now, if she left the child with him for *months* AND during that time didn’t contact him, didn’t contact the child, didn’t provide financially for the child…then that would be abandonment.

Answer 4

I think the mother who threat her daughter has gone too far about this family problem, if i see from your point of view.I do not know exactly what she thinks,since you did not explain well the reason of the mother did that way.But I think the mother should be more open in facing the the problems and discuss the problems well with the entire family

Answer 5

I do not think the mother is right at all. If this guy and her daughter want to raise this child that is their right. Joint placement will be up to the courts, but as far as the grandmother goes I don't think she has any rights to but in. The only way she may have rights is if the child is being abused. And then again it is up to the family courts to determine what is fair and right. Good Luck on your journey.

Answer 6

I feel maybe she doesn't trust men anymore because of what happened too you, and she wants to protect the child anyway she can. Just have a real heart to heart talk with your mother to see where she is coming from, don't jump out of the skillet into the fire.

Answer 7

Is this man truely trustworthy? only he knows, not you, not I. there is no reason she should have him share in anything., now listen is he too enthusiastic about this child? i understand he is respectful to the grandmother, and she is over bearing but that is not the issue. the child should not be placed with any man who is not her legal step dad or bio dad, regardless of the fact he has taken care of her. why aren't they married and celebrating their love? ? he is good enough for her small child but not enough love for marriage and then all together under the same roof? this is very unusual. the man built trust in everyone's mind and now he wants her overnight? for what good reason? is that the bottom line here? No man feels the need for a kid to be at his home, who isn't his child, you can love a kid and take them places but-- she has no need to stay at his house. When it comes to children--we have to be wise, not sentimental. he already knows she has no father he has to face- I could tell you stories about loving 'uncles' that would curl your hair. ONE OUT OF 3 LITTLE GIRLS IS SEXUALLY ABUSED.

Answer 8

I don't know all her reasons for being against it but if it's just that she's too controlling then the daughter needs to stand up for herself and do what she thinks is best. Let it go to court and see what the judge decides.

Answer 9

Are you a minor ?
This would not be an issue if you were of legal age . .
Does the grandmother have authority because you are not yet legal ?

I think some critical facts were left out of your story .
Why would you omit them ?
If you are an adult , you would go do what you want and the grandmother would not be an issue . . .
Why have you not told us the important facts ?

Answer 10

absolutly not!! i think that this grandmother needs a serious reality check!! the little girl isnt even her daughter she should be happy that they are at least coming to an agreement and if she takes this guy and her daughter to court what is she going to do? say i dont want my granddaughter going to this guy's house what proof does she have that makes him unsuittable i say call the mother on her bluff.