About stopping the pacifier habit??

Question

My daughter is 2 years and almost 10 months old. She loves her pacifier, and we have slowly but surely and very gradually been working on taking it away. I've managed to keep it away from her when outside of the house and whenever we have guests, so it's going alright so far. My question isn't how to stop her from using it -- I already have a method that I plan to follow through on very soon -- it's about how to keep her from replacing the habit with a worse one. I've noticed that a lot of the time when she doesn't have her pacifier, she'll suck on her hair or put her fingers in her mouth instead. I don't want her to replace the pacifier with something harder to take away (such as fingers or hair) or another bad habit (like eating). How do I stop a new bad habit from taking the place of the pacifier???

Haha, I love the deceptive ideas, but unfortunately my daughter is much smarter than that. She'd tell me there was something wrong with her passy and that we need to go to the store to get a new one! Then she'd chew on her hair until I got her another one.

By the way, keeping it away from her when we are out and about isn't so much about what others think, it's because she it is easier there than at home. When we're out of the house, she's more distracted and busy with other activities. Also, she took well to a "rule" that she could grasp ("no passies at the library").

Haha, I like that, worried about what other people think! Do you think I'd still be breastfeeding my 15-month old son if I was really worried about what other people think?? Honestly I just always thought the pacifier was a great soother for babies when they teethe, and she's got all but two molars now, so I figured she shouldn't need it for that purpose anymore and maybe it's time. Hey, maybe I'm wrong, maybe she still needs it? Of course I didn't kick my pacifier habit until 5 or 6, and even after Kindergarten I used to pop one in my mouth. I don't really want her keeping it at 5 years old!

Answer 1

You need to get her a "lovey" like a bear or something (SMALL IS GOOD, and always, always buy more than one exactly the same once she picks one).

Then tell her when she is sad, etc she should hold her "lovey". Also try watching Poko they always hug their toys when they are upset, they have a song or something too. I don't really watch it.

Then once she is using her lovey for comfort THEN take away the pacifier and HOPEFULLY she won't replace it with her hair, fingers, etc. If she does you have a harder thing to break. You have to break the habit of constantly having things in her mouth by watching her like a hawk and saying no EVERY time.

Answer 2

I agree with some of the others; its not fair to force a child to get rid of their pacifier when you were the one that gave it to them in the first place! They dont understand why they cant have it anymore.
My 3 1/2 year old loved his so much, and became quite upset at moves to try and take it away, so we took the gentle approach and slowly started only using it for bedtime. We then involved him in the decision of getting rid of it. He chose a big boys present and had to decide whether he wanted to be a baby with a dummy or a big boy with the present, and he chose to be a big boy. Now it is justified if he wants a pacifier back, we can say no because he chose to give it up.
Anyway, I know your question is not that, but how to stop the new habits. My son will occassionally suck his t-shirt if he is very tired or bored, but I just gently get him involved in something else to take his mind off it. I think that even if she does put something else in her mouth, the phase will soon pass and when she is busy, she will be fine.
Finally, please dont do this just because of other peoples judgements. It is a very real comfort to your child, and she doesnt understand why it should be taken away when she was given it in the first place. There is no harm in letting her have it until she is ready to give it up, no-one sees teenagers running around with pacifiers in their mouth.

Answer 3

My daughter is three and I had the same problem. Although on occassion she has it of a night time for sleep if she is over tired or whatever. I am happy for that. She is using it less and less. Because it isn't a big deal for me (although my husband has been wanting her to get rid of it) she hasn't replaced the behaviour with anything else. Also it does make it hard because people feel the need to add comments all the time about the dummy. Good luck she'll grow out of it

Answer 4

I noticed with my daughter that the first time we took her "binky" away, she started biting her arms and seemed to be really orally fixated. We ended up giving her pacifier back to her until she was more ready to give it up. We waited about 3 more months and then tried again, making her a more active participant in the process (she sent her binkies to a baby who needed them via mail: aka Grandma's house). This second time was successful and we didn't see any of the arm biting.

If your daughter seems to need to replace the pacifier with her fingers or her hair, she may not be ready to give up that oral soothing. Have you considered allowing her to keep it until she is a few months older and you can really talk about the process with her?

Only you know your child best. Don't succumb to the pressures of other people to force her to give up the beloved pacifier if you don't feel like she's really ready yet. When she's ready, it will be a smooth transition. Another idea may be to take the next small step of only allowing the pacifier in her bed/crib and if you notice her sucking on her fingers or hair, put her in her crib where she can access her pacifier. She may realize that if she wants to have something in her mouth she has to give up playing, being near Mommy, etc and choose to give it all up on her own.

Good luck!

Answer 5

I'm having the same issue with my son and hes 18mths old. I think that fingers and hair are harder to break then a binky. What I've started doing with him is only giving it to him at bedtime. Its a security thing for them and shes not in school yet so I dont what harm its doing to let her use it. If you keep encouraging her not to use, one day she'll give it up herself. All kids are different. My daughter wanted nothing to do with a binky, but instead her security was her blanke. Shes almost 9 and she even takes it to school in her bookbag. Just give her time. God bless

Answer 6

well i'm glad that you realize this now instead when she is like 5!!! But anyways...your daughter is old enough to sit her down (with no distractions) and talk to her very sweet and kind but you must sound completely sincere when you tell her that pacifiers are for little baby's and there yucky. Let her know that only baby' put things in their mouths! Just keep telling her that she is a big girl and doesn't nee to suck on anything. I beleive that if youlook her in the eyes and sound very sincere and beleive that she understands you, she will eventually get over it. I know your probably going "surrrrre....like that's going to work!" but seriously, it probably won't work the first time you say it, but if you say it to her at least once a day i think she might get the pic.

Answer 7

I agree fully with Colleen that you're embarrassed and don't want to hear about the pacifier from others or see their judgemental looks. That's your own fault, not your daughter's... yet you're making it her task to give up something her parents (you) said was OK.

With her fingers, make them pretty! Paint them with pretty colors. Let her pick out which color(s) each time they get painted. Lots of plastic and/or dress-up rings and bracelets helps too. My 3 year-old daughter has this thing where if one little thing is out of place with her nails, she's gotta have it fixed, or she'll pick at it until it gets fixed. I've simply said, "Please stop picking your nails. What can I do to help you out kiddo?" She's caught me... and responds with the same request and offer. Either way, she's getting better at being aware of her own picking habit and is doing it hardly at all now.

With her hair, if it's long enough to chew on, it should be long enough for a hair tie.

Also, explain while washing hands after the potty or putting groceries away or playing or whenever, that you're washing germs off your hands and they get there very easily. When we put out fingers in our mouths, we're letting germs in our mouths. Break it down and show her how easily it is to get germs on her hands... look, Daddy just scratched his butt haha (umm, or paid for something with dollars and/or coins)! or look, that lady just pet her dog and the dog was just rolling around on the ground! She's gotta be a smart little cookie and I'm sure she'll understand how icky it is to put fingers in her mouth.

Same thing for hair... it's like a dust mop in the air picking up germs. Try explaining that her hair gets washed to get the dirt and oil and germs off of her hair... and those are things we dont' want in our mouths and then in our bodies making us sick.

...I hear the Pacifier Fairy works GREAT because they are chosing to put up their pacifier for others and have decided that someone else can get better use from it than herself... or they like the dollar or present that's left for them in replacement!

Answer 8

"I've managed to keep it away from her when outside of the house and whenever we have guests," So what people think of YOU as a parent rather than what is a comfort to your child is more important to you then? I see nothing wrong with allowing a child a source of comfort, they usually wean themselves from it anyway without needing something else to replace it. My daughter was close to three when SHE decided to throw her's away, we didn't need to start another "habit" to replace the pacifier. But then I wasn't worried about what people thought of my daughter having a pacifier if she felt she needed the extra comfort. My daughter's comfort was more important.

Answer 9

Talk with your pediatrician to see what he/she suggests, but when I took away my oldest girls pacifier she didn't replace it with anything. I let her pick out a special toy to take to bed with her. You could try ignoring her eating on her fingers or her hair and see what happens. I noticed that when I obsessed about my girls picking their noses (or in the case of my youngest walking around with her finger up her nose) they did it more often, but when I say nothing and ignore the behavior they don't do it. But when we get around my mother or sister they will automatically stick their fingers up their noses because as soon as they do my mother and sister react and the kids keep doing it. Try ignoring her eating on her hair and see what happens and also start doing some creative things with her when she starts to eat her hair, don't say anything about her hair being in her mouth, just ask her if she wants to make a bead necklace or color in a book or draw some pictures, or if it is nice outside, lets blow bubbles, draw with chalk, etc.

Answer 10

Don't worry she will eventually get rid of it soon! If she is very orally fixated on the pacifier, and when she doesn't have it she sucks on other things she is not ready. Don't worry most pacifiers are orthodontic pacifiers meaning there are okay for babies to suck on, and won't ruin their teeth coming in.