25 No children?

Question

Hi,
As stated I am 25 years old married for 4 years and a pre-nursing school student (right now I am taking my prereq) then I will be applying to nursing school. Anyways I explain to my husband that I am not sure if i want children. His reponse is that I will change my mind once I finish nursing school. Im not sure if I want to go through the whole preg thing it scares me. what do I do he thinks I will change my mind later I am not sure about that.

Answer 1

Tell him he needs to think very carefully about how he'll feel if you DON'T change your mind.

Answer 2

Well, no one can predict the future. Maybe by the time you are finished with school and get a position at a hospital or clinic you might feel like you would like a child. Pregnancy isn't that bad. I have 2 children and loved being pregnant. It was the best time I felt ever. Obviously you know about the whole birthing process, or you will soon, and that itself might change your mind. Maybe seeing the miracle of birth might change your mind as well. Yes it is gross but sooooo worth it. And if you don't want children than you and your husband need to figure out where to go from there. You are still young and have lots of time to think about children. If its the pregnancy thing that is most bothersome why not consider adoption. Its the next best way to having a child without the pain of childbirth. Or maybe a surrogate? Good luck in the future. I hope everything works out for you.

Answer 3

well.... you might change your mind, but you better find out if your husband will be ok if you don't. You both sound like you are sailing two different ships right now and that isn't good.

In any case, there is always adoption and well, ya know what? 9 months is not any time at all in the whole scheme of life and pregnancy is one of the most amazing experiences and gifts to receive (And give). You really might find that once the stress of school subsides that you will want to have a child after all.

However, there is something to be said for a woman who knows her limitations. If you think you will be too selfish to be a good mom, then go ahead and stand firm about the "no children" thing.

Bottom line: You both should have decided on this before you said, "I do!" And now, the decision is yours. Hope your husband is happy either way.

Answer 4

Nursing school is stressful. Finish school and give it some thought. Children are a blessing and the most rewarding thing you can do. If you do not feel parenting is for you, then you need to tell your husband, because he may want to be a father. You are young, take your time, and don't make any rash decisions. Pregnancy is not scary, but exciting. It is amazing and I would do it again without hesitation, if I didn't have 2 children already.

Answer 5

My sister in law and her husband didn't want children till my husband and I had our first, Now they have been married for 14 years and she's 32 now and will be 33 when she has their first child in September Lord Willing everything goes according to plan. But you'll probably change your mind if not, its your choice. Nobpdy can tell you what to do, there is no right or wrong answer. Its a choice if you want to have a child great, if not you can spoil one of your friends kids and send the child back home to them at bath time. I was scared to death of labor, but you know what you don't remember any of it once they put that baby in your arms and you feel the love of that child. So your still young take the time and enjoy life and remember its your life and you only get to live it once!!!
Hope this helps any!!!

Answer 6

First of all relax. I you have an agreement with your husband to get you through school first, then don't worry about this until you have finished school. Waite till then and see how you feel about children. If you do not want children then, then you will have to discuss this with him and give your reasons why.

Did you know that your husband wanted children before you married him and did he know that you did not? I hope that you did discuss this. Anyways one way are the other you will get it worked out when the time comes. You need not stress yourself now over it.

Answer 7

Don't worry about it now....that's what you do!
You are 25! You have lots of time to contemplate children.
Who I was at 25 and who I am NOW are two totally different people! Who knows! At 30 you could want to start a family. Right now your focus is on school and your marriage.

Let your husband know that right now, kids are NOT in the picture...but you never know how you will feel as the years pass. You could decide that, yeah...kids would be wonderful. And you could decide that HELL NO! No kids for you.

Just focus on YOU right now and the kids thing...wait and see.

Answer 8

The decision to have kids is not something to be taken lightly--good for you to not rush into things and waiting. You might change your mind, you might not--either way it will be for the best. If you have kids before you're ready, it could mean disaster--not only for you, but for your marriage. Kids are great, but they bring a ton of stress, as well! Whatever you decide, make sure you're not pressured into anything you don't feel ready for. It's better to not have kids than to have them and they suffer bc you feel resentment...not saying everyone is like that, but I've seen it firsthand. Make sure you are very clear about your feelings with your husband. Good luck with everything.

Answer 9

This is the stuff you should have discussed with him BEFORE you got married. If he wants to have children some day and you don't it's going to quite possibly create a major rift in your marriage. I'm not going to be dumb and tell you that you will change your mind...you may not. I know couples who don't have any children, they adore kids but have chosen not to have any of their own for their own reasons. They've been married 30 years. Not every woman is made to be a mother and my adivce to women who don't WANT children...don't have them. Because it's the mothers who didn't want the children in the first place who abuse them.

Answer 10

Well, you're still young, you never know, you could change your mind. Don't do anything permanent to prevent children, you may wind up regretting that.

I find it a little curious though that pregnancy frightens you, and you're a nursing student. It's a perfectly natural condition, there's nothing about pregnancy, labor or delivery that's overly frightening. Raising children...now THAT'S scary!! LOL

Answer 11

This is a difficult situation. I would not suggest that you do anything drastic like having your tubes tied - leave the door open. Most people I know who said they don't want kids - even hated them - changed their minds later once they got older. But I will tell you this - DO NOT HAVE A CHILD UNLESS YOU ARE READY TO. Don't let your mate bully you into it...