I've caught my child (under 8) in some "white" lies, what should I do?

Question

I have a really great kid, and I understand why he told me the 1st lie today. I told him I wasn't mad that his dad took him somewhere that he knew I didn't want him to go, I was upset that he would lie about it.

I've always told him that there's nothing he could do that would make me love him less or anything like that, but if he ever lied to me, that would be the worse thing he could do.

Tonight I knew he got up and was sneaking to hear me on the phone and he said he didn't get out of bed. I knew he did.

I've never punished him for telling me the truth, but what do I do about the lying? I know this seems trite, but....

I guess I'll find out what you all think. Thanks for your time.

Answer 1

Are you and your son's dad divorced? The way you told the first part of the story, it makes it seem like your son might have felt like he was caught up in the middle of something that could have turned into a fight between you and his father. Did he think the phone call had anything to do with his father?

I might be off-base, as I don't know your situation, but I can see a child of parents who fight feeling like it is his responsibility to smooth things between the parents, to take on burdens himself, like lying to you about where he was, to protect the parent who might be scolded by the other. If it is the case that your son feels caught in the middle, make an effort to make sure you don't fight in front of him or include him in any way in your disputes, including confiding in him about being mad at his dad, or talking on the phone about his dad where he can hear you. It's a heavy burden when a child feels like he has to take care of his parents, especially if he has to lie to do it.

I hope everything works out for you!

Answer 2

I would never punish a child for something that I had not set up as a standard, so first you need to have a discussion with him on why it is wrong to lie. Next explain what the punishment will be if he lies to you again. My kids went through this about 6 or 7 and I spanked them a few times and they didn't lie again. Whatever you choose, make sure he knows that there WILL be negative consequences if there is a next time. [And there probably will be...] Also, tell him that now that he has lied, there is the chance that in the future he will tell you the truth and you will think he is lying and will give him whatever punishment you've decided on. It is a sad life fact - if you are untrustworthy...people will not trust you. I know that sounds kinda basic but there are plenty of adults that still expect you to trust them when they've acted in a way that you totally could not trust!!

Answer 3

Little lies at this age are normal. However, if you are asking about what he is doing with his dad then that needs to stop. Dad's time is dad's time, and unless you feel your child is in danger, then let it go. Don't put the child in the middle. Explain to him what a lie is (even if he knows) and explain what is acceptable and what isn't. There are lies people tell every day and don't think twice about it (you look great in that shirt, or I am sick and can't come to work) and children pick up on that so be mindful what you do or say in front of him.
If he starts to lie about bigger things, tell him the consequences and stick to it. Tell him the punishment will be less severe if he tells the truth, but you can't excuse bad behavior. Good luck!

Answer 4

I have a son (he's 12 now) when he was about that age he would tell "white lies" sometimes about things that didn't even require him to...
ie: he saw Sammy Sosa w/his dad playing at White SOX Park?! or he won playing a video game he didn't even own, etc...just crazy stuff!

Eventually he grew out of it. At first it was funny but became annoying as I realized I could be promoting the behavior by laughing it off or ignoring it. So I explained why it was a problem and after a couple of times of challenging him head on with facts he backed off. When he told a "white lie" I uncovered the truth.

I think this is a child's way of challenging your wit. I think the "white lies" comes from a child believing that we as parents "don't understand them" and fear us not being able "to handle the truth"...remember those days (LOL). They will soon pass without discipline but will resurface in his teen years but at that time be prepared because I assume they will upgrade to full out lies even if he thinks they're harmless. I remember those days too!... I was an only child, great kid,went to a private school got everything I wanted but still felt the need to tell an occasionally lie because it was easier and many times sounded better than the truth...I blame Eve and that doggone Apple!!!

Your son is okay and trust me it is normal! Without even saying it he knows you LOVE him 2 death & unconditionally...hmm could that be another reason...he LOVES u 2 and knows better?!

Answer 5

Is there anything pretty mentally disturbing that he's gone through recently? That triggers things like this to happen, especially for little kids. They start being scared and need to know what's happening in order to help themselves. There must be a particular reason he woke up during the middle of the night to hear you on the phone and I guess whatever is happening to him right now is kind of scary for him. Also, don't forget that kids are going through this stage, its called the "lie stage". It happens to everyone, no matter how nice, how sweet, or how whatever your child is, it just happens that he feels like he has to lie to prove himself. At 8, he's beginning to realize more about the world and that it isn't so fair. Some people are better off than him, or he feels that by lying he makes himself more presentable to his peers. I remember I told my friends I lived in a mansion and my bed was made out of pure gold in 3rd grade. I felt insecure and that they would judge me if I wasn't as rich or well off as them. Your kid is just growing up, don't fret.

Answer 6

Lying is never acceptable and should not be treated lightly. Once a child knows he can get away with it, a "white lie" becomes a way for him to get what he wants. If the father is telling him to lie so they can go places you dont want them to go, then you need to have a serious talk with the father and have him stop teaching him to lie. Shame on the father. Remember to teach him there is nothing worst then a liar. The truth is always the best.

Answer 7

it is a very not ordinary question.i don't understand the condition,yet lieing lower than oath does no longer be a superior ingredient to do.it can be extra valuable no longer to get on the stand.Getting the info could be extra valuable.even even with the reality that that is a not ordinary ingredient for the guy getting molested to go by.it may in all likelihood take position again.help them be prepaired and get the info.

Answer 8

i think that you should talk to him ,but keep in mind that kids don't really have explanations for lying and don't like talking about it. if he doesn't want to talk then try writing him little notes because sometimes it is easier for kids to express their feelings through writing. try this and get him out of the habit of lying quick because if he doesn't stop it could lead to a breaking relationship between you two as he gets older.

Answer 9

Everyone lies. No matter what you do, you cannot raise someone to be completely and totally honest (unless that person has certain mental disabilities).

Anyone who says that they never lie is a LIAR.

Answer 10

Dont punish him cuz he's gonna argue back asking 'where's the proof then?' wait till you catch him in the middle of when is doing something bad then you can punish him cuz there's proof cuz he's doing it .