He's an only child and grew up spoiled without consideration to anyone's feelings but his own - he's in his 50's and still throw temper tantrums if he can't get his way or things are out of his control - he will yell and threaten to become violent.
He gets over - involved in people's business and doesn't realize he how overbearing he is. He will go through everything in my room (without consideration that you don't snoop through anyone's things) just to find what he was looking for. He'll reorganize completely my CD collection because that's what he "wants to do" and is "right"; even though i strongly oppose
he is obsessive and i want him to stop - how?
and don't tell me to talk to him because it's not going to work...
2007-03-27 14:52:54 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
it's not just my parents being "strict" - even my mom is on my side and believes that he's just too weird...she's still my mom and she'll be strict, but at least she respects me and my space. My dad doesn't even respect my mom and her stuff - he's just a spoiled incsoniderate litle boy
2007-03-27 15:06:13 · update #1
If you are under 18 , bad news ,
You have to suck it up until you graduate and go far away to college ( a common reason kids study hard )
The good news is , you will be 18 someday . . .
Until then, learn the art of 'flying under the radar' .
Minimize contact , conversation and conflict .
Who cares if he organizes the CDs ? Unless you have his SAME personality are into your own power needs.
He is not going to change at 50 yrs old , so start thinking about what you really want . . .
You want peace ? avoid him . . . .
You want to stop him ? keep up the conflict . . . you'll never achieve your end but maybe you want to fight .
2007-03-27 15:04:02 · answer #1 · answered by kate 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know your age, but if you must live at home, then focus inward, get very zen-like and endure him, until you can leave. I left home when I was 18, and I moved 1000 miles away on my own. I stayed with a family friend for a month while I got a job, and found a studio apartment. I rode the bus, and saved my money for a year, and then enrolled in college with some other financial aid. A year later, my angry controlling parents were awed by my success and resourcefulness, and treated me very differently. I was independent, and no longer had to accept any bad behavior from them. By the way, I was so happy to be on my own! You sound like a very intelligent, objective person who understands people...you are going to do very well in life!
PS -- I realized many years later that my compulsive dad just wanted to be important to me and help me -- I was so independent, he felt useless to me. So, now, I seek him out and ask his help with things that he is very good at. My dad is very good at research. So, I ask him to "learn" things or "find" things for me, and offer his advice. I listen and discuss, then do what I think is best. Once I included him where he felt useful, interested, and helpful, and I thanked him and appreciated him, our relationship balanced out a little. I am not sure that relates to your dad, but this is something that happened with me and my dad over time.
One more suggestion that comes from the psychology of re-parenting wounded adults -- you seem to understand the origin of his behavior as a spoiled only child who was not properly parented to be a balanced adult. To teach him how to relate to you in a new way, you have to relate to him as he is that child, treating him with the love and true parenting that he should have received then. For example, how would you properly treat a child when he is throwing a tantrum? Call for a time-out? Stay calm or start yelling? In your dealings you have to "re-parent" him with love and objectivity to teach him how to treat you. That's a very complicated thing, and your age and situation may prevent your having the proper leverage to accomplish this. If you are under 18 and he is violent or threatens violence, find a social service agency to help you, and don't put up with that for a minute. Domestic violence is something entirely different from a controlling dad. Really hope this helps.
2007-03-27 22:24:17 · answer #2 · answered by indigenous 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try to get into family counseling with both your parents present. If your mother feels a certain way about your father and tells you but not him, there's something seriously wrong with that just by itself. Your parents should both be your advocate while still advocating each other. If at any time the parent cannot fulfill either of those two roles there's something wrong.
And, unfortunately, when it comes down to it, your father can do whatever he wants and go through your stuff whenever he feels like it, provided you're under 18. The best you will be able to do is find a reason to convince him that he should decide for himself not to go through your stuff --- trying to force him to not go through your things will only make it worse, though, he must choose to not do so himself.
As for his tantrums, if he gets violent, ask him to calm down. When he does not calm down, call the police. They are there to solve domestic disputes and protect you from him.
2007-03-27 22:47:30 · answer #3 · answered by Steve C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're in a decent financial situation, move out. It worked for me.
If you're not financially set yet, SAVE UP so you can move out.
Sometimes it's the ONLY way to show a parent like this that you are an adult and you are your own person.
It gives the parent no say so, something it sounds like this guy clearly likes to get.
2007-03-27 22:03:44 · answer #4 · answered by shellj_foxy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wasn't going to. I was going to tell u to do what he does.
Don't like the way ur CD look when he is done with it, **** his **** up "ur way." Over involved with u business, one word answers, nothing more nuthin less. Be sarcastic, and then laugh openly when he says something stupid. When he throws temper tanterms, tell him, "Thanks for teaching me how to deal with my future child." Treat him like most adults deal with a 6 yr old, politly ignore him and that will tick him off. I was taught that "One only changes when they are uncomfortable." Make him uncomfortable.
2007-03-27 22:50:22 · answer #5 · answered by A.K. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get a job and start saving so u can move out as soon as you turn 18
2007-03-27 23:13:14 · answer #6 · answered by lady26 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
put a lock on your door, if he breaks it move the hell out-write some fake stuff about how you hate him and all that --and put if where he'll find it--he is far beyond 'talking to'--get in his face.
2007-03-27 22:03:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋