My life with Bipolar disorder....i wrote this today...comments please...?

Question

A good day, only a few days ago it was a good day. But now, at this moment, my mind cant even grasp the sensation of a perfectly normal, good day. Two days ago…it was the same as today. I slept but I didn’t rest…An ongoing cycle of restlessness causes my mind to be foggy, like I’m on co-pilot, not really away, but not really in control. I know I have to get back in the drivers seat, I have to whip this before it whips me… I’ve got to get my mind focused on doing something, just pick one small task to successfully carry out. I stare in the bathroom mirror, I look at the toothbrush…. I reach for the toothpaste, my eyes blurr out of vision and I see, in the refelction of the mirror, a bedroom with clothes strewn across the furniture and floor….I have to wash clothes….I sigh from deep within my chest with dissapiontment….”just BRUSh your teeth”…
My cell phone rings…I quickly reach for the mute button, as If the ringing gives me no option but to answer. I cant answer. I cant talk to them, whoever it is…probably a grandparent who hasn’t seen much of me lately. For a split second I feel guilty for neglecting them but quickly, my guily turns to anger. Im mad because I know that almost any other day, I could’ve picked up the phone, but WHY…WHY did the phone have to ring today, pulling me into another crippling mindgame?
I shuffle through the hallway listening for the sound of the baby crying…just a few minutes ago I was praying for relief form her, so I could rest, but now, as she sleeps contently in her crib, I feel alone. I know I’ll regret waking her too soon because I have got to get myself focused so I can tend to her properly. So I wait, I stand at the lving room window and look out…The skies are blue and the sun is reflecting off of the pavement, casting a glare into the window…I squint and swallow a lump in my throat. I want to cry…because I want to go outside, but I’m afraid to. It seems so big….It looks like any other day, in fact, It look slike just the other day when I was at the beach with Abby. So, why does it look “different”. My thoughts seem to stomp a mudd puddle in my mind….Im caught up in a complicated equation that cant be solved…So I just stare ….and I stare, and I close my eyes……..the darkness of my closed eyelids gives me a moment of peace…….a sorrowful peace………………………………………my mind drifts back into consciousness…..The sound of a soft cry turns my attention away from myself….Shes awake……I walk to the doorway of the bedroom and see two small hands reaching out to me for comfort…..I let go of all that consumed my mind before and I can feel God whispering to my spirit….a gentle, but firm nudge to go on…..the day has to go on…..Abby needs me….So I push a smile into my lips…..and reach to her…. ………

Answer 1

Call your Dr. Insists he or she read this. Do not accept no for an answer. If your Dr. refuses find another. You are not alone.

Answer 2

Take 4 fish oil supplements daily. You never mentioned your current treatment, but I presume you are receiving medical attention: if you aren't, it is important to seek it. Practice for 20 mins. daily,and when needed, the method at http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com Meditation room; try it out; repeat the word: "easy", or gaze at a burning candle in a quiet, darkened room. Take up Tai Chi & yoga. Work your way slowly up to 30 - 60 mins of vigorous exercise daily (preferably when sunny), eat healthily, and keep occupied. Phone: Depression & Bipolar Support Alliance on [phone] & see www.bipolarworld.net Find out who called and call back, then go outside for a short walk, then a bit more tomorrow, and so on. Don't waste mental energy on picking something to do - have a list: 1. See to Abby. 2. Medication. 3. Shower. 4. Start the washing. 5. Eat. 6. Exercise. 7. Meditation / Tai Chi / yoga. 8. Abby 9. Clean for 5 mins. 10. ??? Mark them off when completed (have columns and/or boxes): this will give you a feeling of accomplishment.

Answer 3

How I wish I could be as good at writing it out as you seem to be. I can write out some of the feelings, but no where near as good as you. My doctor says it's really good to write out how I feel on good and bad days, and I try, and usually afterwards, I feel better, regardless of what kind of day. Does it work that way for you too? Do you let you doctor read yours? I have a notebook (actually, I usually fill up three three subject ones a month), that I use specifically for that reason and take them to my doctor when I go. If I had particularly bad days that I think she should know about, I be sure to mark those ahead of time so that she can make herself a copy to read when she can. I think you do a wonderful job of expressing how you feel, and I know sometimes it can be hard to do without getting angry or frustrated, because it's hard to express things outloud for the same reasons. I also think it's wonderful that you realize you must be strong for Abby, and you should feel wonderful about that as well. I just wanted to tell you that you write in ways I could never even begin to come close to, and you should keep it up if it works well for you. If you ever need to, feel free to email me. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

how did you feel after writing it all out? Did it give your mind a rest? You are incredible insightful - which is a great gift and tool that you can use with being bipolar. By reading this it looks like you have just been manic and you are now depressed...the cycle will continue to go on and on....have you been on any meds for it? They help - but do not make it all go away....

good luck and thank you for being strong for Abby - you are right - she does need you.

edit - i think you should keep writing - it may help...

Answer 5

bipolar? or aspertane drinks never heard of this stuff, til all these food aditives all come out

Answer 6

hey it will be ok. i'm also bipolar. i'm here if u need someone [e-mail]. hold on.

Answer 7

do u feel better now