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For years now my sister's house has been a disgusting mess. She has 2 children that are teenagers-of course they don't pick up either because she hasn't taught them to clean up after themselves. I have tried to help her clean up the mess, but it goes back to the same filth! There is garbage and clothes strewn all over the house and she thinks nothing of it all. I realize you can't tell people how to live, but I do feel sorry for her children. I did contact children services, but they seemed to not find anything wrong with her living in utter trash and practically not having running water. I just don't understand it. Honestly, I am at my wits end and don't even want to have any part of it. She gets very upset when I try to help her clean up--like she isn't thinking rationally. I still can't believe that social services saw nothing wrong over there or just didn't want to be involved. Any advice?

2007-03-27 14:17:38 · 15 answers · asked by MicG 2 in Family & Relationships Family

15 answers

you can call the police and have them do what is called a well child check and if they find the mess they will call in cps and have the children removed

you can also call the childrens school and report it to them and they will do a home visit and do something about it

2007-03-27 15:18:13 · answer #1 · answered by debrasearch 6 · 0 0

While I agree that your sister should try and tackle her problem you have no right to tell her what to do and you certainly shouldn't have called social services. Many people feel overwhelmed with this kind of thing. There is even a TV program where these two older English women go into homes of people with the same problem and help them fix it. They clean it up from top to bottom explaining all of the health risks to the home owner or tenant as they go along. You need to help her , not stand in judgment.She probably gets upset with you because you criticize her about it and the fact that you decided she should be checked out by an outsider .... you have no right to make those decisions unless she is unstable.
Clean up your own backyard as the saying goes ..... but I bet she'd love to have a regular relationship with her sister ??!

2007-03-27 15:34:54 · answer #2 · answered by uncle louie 5 · 0 0

If they like living like that, then you can't do anything about it. If you want to go to the extreme, then what you do is take some pictures of the place and send it to social services. Or, if her teens don't listen to her, then you talk to them. Your sister is not setting a good example to her teens. They probably need a good talk and they need to start helping out around the place. They learn this from their mom and she is the one who has to show that example by doing some cleaning herself.....hopefully they will stick to it too.

2007-03-27 14:29:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

I have a brother and a sister in law like that and i dont know how they can live like that and they have 3 little kids and one on the way and i ve tryed to tell them but they dont listen and sarah (sister-in-law) when she was growing up she lived in big house and she and her family had a lot of money and they ALLWAYS had people over to clean there house. so sarah is like somewere in her twentys and she still cant clean shes doin a little better at cleaning but not really. if it was me i would keep going to the children services and talk to them untill they listen to you.

2007-03-27 14:28:46 · answer #4 · answered by Julianne B 2 · 1 0

What a horrible *** sister you are---calling social services on your sister. If i were your sister, i would never ever forgive you for that. How could you do that? Shame on you. What if your calling social services had resulted in her loosing her children? And besides if your sister and her children like living in filth---what business of yours is it?. Butt outta her life and concentrate more on yours, and stop sticking your nose where it does not belong.

2007-03-27 14:25:53 · answer #5 · answered by Ghanaian Princess 4 · 0 0

i understand you want to help her, but you can't help any body that doesent want to help them selves. what your sister needs is organization, her kids are old enough to pick up after them selves. she has already gotten upset at you, just drop the situation and maybe she will realize that she lives in a pig pen. if it bothers you that much sit down and have a conversation with her, tell her its not healthy for her and her children to be living in those conditions. talk calmly. if she starts getting upset, drop the conversation,and try telling the children to pick up. good luck!

2007-03-27 14:30:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

some people tend to hold on to things to fill in voids. does't matter what it is, its there and it takes up space. it makes them feel comfortable. i basically lived in the same situation. i was raised by my grandmother but she just never cleaned up really. things collected and piled up and i would tell her she needs to do something about it and everytime i would go to clean up she would get upset and tell me i could be throwing away important stuff like old bills and so on. she believes in holding onto bills for 3 years. and she won't throw them away until shes shredded them and that is rare. everything is cluttered. she buys things that she doesn't even need. she has magazines from the 80's. i got to the point that i gave up and let myself live in that mess. it was really hard becuz i couldn't invite people over during my highschool years. i had boyfriends who wanted to come over but i just told them lies. those relationships never lasted long. her kids may be the same as i was back then.

i could have left during my minor years but i would rather live in a mess than live with my mom who was married to an asshole who was emotionally abusive.

as for my granmother, i could see why she was like that. she basically had nobody but me. my father died before i was born leaving me as an only child of his, 2 years later my grandfather (her husband) died from a heart attack. now she blames her mess on her health. i can understand it but she still works and could do a little every day. i've even gone so far to go over there and just pile stuff into the back of my truck and take it to the dump. the space i cleared up is eventually filled within a couple of months. i'd continue, but i'm now pregnant and the stress of being over there is too much.

you shouldn't force her to clean or take it upon yourself, but rather offer your help when she is finally ready to clean if you are that concerned. tell her if things go bad again that you won't be there again. you're letting her know you care, and still letting her live the way she wants.

2007-03-27 20:09:35 · answer #7 · answered by LaRae L 4 · 0 0

If this is how your sister and her kids want to live let them you've called child welfare the only other thing to do is take her kids then your house will be nasty or you will be picking up after them all the time.best thing to do is leave it alone

2007-03-27 14:37:56 · answer #8 · answered by superwomen 3 · 0 0

If I were u since she is my sister, I would clean it up anyway and have her kids against her wanting to have a clean house. WHen she's not home one day, I would clean it up.

2007-03-27 14:23:15 · answer #9 · answered by cookies2elmo 1 · 1 0

you need to tell her what the problem is don't try to lay it on easy anymore.tell her that she need to clean her house and that her kids could get sick from all the filthy things in there,don't worry about hurting her feelings.

2007-03-27 14:25:23 · answer #10 · answered by whitnee 2 · 1 0

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