My younger cousin, who is more like my little sister just backed out of my wedding this weekend. We have always been extremely close and I have always gone out of my way to be there for her. She is a dancer and I am actually flying to my hometown 500 miles away to be there for her senior dance concert. She just told me that with the new dance group that she is going to be in, she will not be able to be in or even attend my wedding since they have an out-of-town performance that day. Keep in mind that this is just a leisure hobby of hers and not a career. So now I have 2 weeks until we have to put the bridesmaid dress orders in to make it in time for the wedding and I am short a bridesmaid! She said to me today to wait a few weeks and she will see if there is anything she can do. Well I don't have a few weeks! I told her to forget it and I would find someone else. My mom keeps telling me that I am being to harsh but at this point I feel like, don't even bother. Am I wrong?
2007-03-27 14:13:08 · 22 answers · asked by NoTurningBackNow 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I actually got a text message from her asking me to move my wedding to a day that would be more convieninet for her! I just feel like in 20 years when we look back, what will we remember. My wedding or one of 100 concerts that she was in.
2007-03-27 14:28:53 · update #1
She is young....19 and in college to be a teacher. Dancing is an activity in her spare time. I am trying to remember how I acted at 19 and be understanding that she is still immature. My feeling are really hurt though....It's hard for me to let this one slide.
2007-03-27 14:40:30 · update #2
No you arent wrong, I would be pissed too, thats not a good enough excuse for me. You have a deadline that you have to meet, it was fine for you to tell her to not worry about it and move on. Honestly, if I was your friend and you explained the situation to me, I wouldnt be offended to step in and take her place. Thats a seriously s'hitty thing to do at the last minute. Talk to one of your girlfriends and ask her if she wouldnt mind, I highly doubt she would hesitate.
Dont let it get you down though, if she would flake out like this, think of all the headaches that you are probably avoiding now, since you have no idea what she would do as the wedding date approaches.
Best of luck!
ETA:Holy Crap! I just read your additional dtails, I am absolutley speechless. Move your date...I'm not surprised she is 19 and said this, only a teenager thinks the world revolves around them and would have the audacity to actually announce it to others. You are SO much better off without this girl, the headache I spoke about above probably would have been a migraine by your weddig day.
2007-03-27 14:23:57 · answer #1 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I can understand that you are hurt... but you haven't even ordered the dresses yet! You have plenty of time to replace her if you want to! It's not like she stood you up a week before the wedding, or that a bridesmaid is actually anything more than a walking part of the decorations!
It was a silly thing for her to suggest moving the date, but other people have lives too. This dance group may be more important to her than you know.
I say.. cut her a break... your wedding is the most important day to YOU but not to everyone else. Forgive her and move on :)
2007-03-31 10:51:24 · answer #2 · answered by endorable 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Listen to me...and listen close...
This is YOUR day. DO NOT move the date.
You do and it shows those around you that they have control over how you act and react.
It is very selfish of her to let her hobby stop her from coming to your wedding and/or participating.
But...this is her choice. Let her be the selfish one. She's losing out here. She is going to miss a very important day for you.
Tell her, once you have calmed down...that you are really sorry she won't make it and you will miss having her there, but HAVE FUN at the dance competition. Be the bigger person, no matter how much it hurts or bothers you.
Tell your Mom that you have resolved it and you are fine with her not being there. If she brings it up again, tell her to butt out.
Why is it everything thinks they need to give their opinions? It's your day!
Lastly, forgo finding the replacement bridesmaid. It doesn't have to be a perfect match up with the men...and maybe one of the groomsmen can actually be an Usher. I am sure one of the boys won't mind.
2007-03-27 16:14:53 · answer #3 · answered by kcarp73 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't mention how old she is. If she is really young (say under 17), there is no way she would relate to how important the wedding is to you and quite what it means to you. When girls are teenagers and younger, they think the world revolves around them and what is important to them at any given moment.
That being said, I don't think you should totally let it slide either. She made a commitment to you and backed out. That was wrong. I think that you need to tell her what this day means to you and how important it was to you that she be there by your side. Let her know that if money was an issue for her not standing up, that's okay, but that you would like her to attend your wedding. If she still says no, move on graciously. Your statement about it being a "leisure hobby of hers and not a career" was also extremely unfair. How do you know that she isn't considering this a career for her down the road. You have no right to judge the importance of her activities.
2007-03-27 14:33:26 · answer #4 · answered by Mrs. Goddess 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
When it comes to things like that I am a pro, I had a young woman back out of my wedding one week before I was due to be married and she already had her dress. When it comes down to things like that it ends up feeling like they are almost betraying you because they are choosing a hobby over your wedding, but since you have a few weeks I'd let her have the time, and sometimes as long as your not the one paying for the dress you can order all the other dresses but leave out hers, or have her order hers and if she chooses to back out completely you can always have it resized for another person. Having a back up is always a good thng just incase someone gets sick or has a accident that keeps them from being there. You are not being harsh, at this time things are becoming more stressed and because of that the littlest things can make things that much worse. Just take a deep breath and see what happens. You can always have a backup just in case.
As for her asking you to move your wedding date to a more convient date for her, that isn't fair to you matter of fact that is totally rude and she shouldn't have ever asked that question. She's just a bridesmaid and family, she should have your feelings in mind rather than her own. She's being selfish.
Good Luck
2007-03-27 14:32:33 · answer #5 · answered by WI Wedding Lady 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I can not belive she asked you to move your wedding back!!, No you are not being harsh enough. she pulls out of the wedding 2weeks before you have to place the orders for the dresses. and she was all ready to go but now she can't do it, that's wrong. you should tell her how you feel even give her a taste of her own medicane you don't want to be cruel but a weddding overrides a dance any day she's not even getting paid for it. it would be a little different if it was a career. but she had to know about being your braids maid for months so why say she will be able to dance if she knew she had to be at your wedding. she doesn't care about you the way you care about her. don't fly out for her dance concert. she will be mad but maybe she will see how it feels
2007-03-27 14:51:05 · answer #6 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well for one thing this happens more than you think and this is not unique to your wedding!! I can understand you being pset but you need to put more emphasis on your wedding and let water under the bridge be water under the bridge!! Your wedding day is important and of cheif importance to you and the groom and not to anyone else!! They are happy and they may be excited but this i your day and if something important to her like dancing and performing is coming up than it is!!! You should wish her well and move on!! You don't necessarliy have to find a bridesmaid!! I always recommend to make one of the groomsmen an usher and move on and don't sweat the small stuff!! The only people that turily need to be there is you and yout fiance
2007-03-27 14:37:55 · answer #7 · answered by sexychocolatecity21 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
if you dont have a few weeks then you are not being to harsh at all. she made a commitment to you and backed out of it without a reasonable amount of time. its your wedding, not hers, so you get to call the shots. she obviously knew about the wedding before the dance thing so she should have done something about it months ago not two weeks before the dresses needed to be orderd. if something huge happend like someone died a week before the wedding, or if she was suddenly in the hospital, those are the only excuses i would take. not "oh, i have a dance thing that i knew about but didnt bother to do anythign about it even though i knew i was gonna be in this wedding"
2007-03-27 14:26:01 · answer #8 · answered by Ashley M 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I dont think your wrong on not wanting to wait for "your special day" (the wedding) just because your cousin cant make it...
Do you have any other friends who are her size that could fit into her dress? Maybe see how much it would cost to have that dress made in a different size for someone else before the dress is on its way.. Might cost you or whoever a little extra money though.
Congrats on your upcoming wedding.. Hope everything works out for you!
2007-03-27 14:23:11 · answer #9 · answered by christen 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I can understand why you are upset, but it's really not the end of the world. She is younger and may not realize the inconvenience. Don't feel like you have to rush to replace her. It's okay to have different numbers of groomsmen/bridesmaids. Besides, you might hurt someone if you are only asking them at the last minute to be a replacement bridesmaid.
2007-03-27 14:25:52 · answer #10 · answered by cindya621 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋