Do I Show Favoritism to One Daughter?

Question

Ok, so I have three kids who I love with all my heart, the problem is that their jealous of their younger sister and constently leave her out. They complain to me that I pay more attention to her, and love her more and I keep telling them that l
love them all the same but indifferent ways and for diferent reasons, they also say that I don't play with them but I do with her and that I have more patience with her. I told them that the reason is because she's the youngest and I expect more out of them but love them very much, I don't let any one left out when we go shopping I just don't buy One girl but the three of them and more to the oldest because I know how it is to want the best in school, and That I'm always there for school or after school events but to understand that their little sister needs more attention because she is just 1 1/2 years old. They get up all set because I don't spend enough time with them I know it's true and keep telling my self is because she's little.

Answer 1

that is a hard one try leaving the baby home and go spend the day with the older girls like take a movie or whatever the baby has to learn what no is I'm in the same position i know its hard but do have time for all and try backing off the older ones if they get annoyed with the baby because really she would be a pain at times

Answer 2

Welcome to the club. You will never win this one if you don't put a stop to it now. Trust me I know. I have three girls of my own, 15, 13 & 10 yrs old and they still try to play that card with me.

Try to carve time out of every week when you can be alone with each of them for a time. A set time once a week even if all you do is take them to the grocery store or library. You don't even have to "go" any where. You could just take a walk or read a book together or if they are old enough you both read the same book and talk about it. Or watch a DVD just the two of you.

Of course you spend more time with the baby...she is just barely a toddler, but they won't understand that one for years so don't even try to defend or explain yourself. It won't work. Life isn't fair & we can't always be fair either...although we try.
Hang in there. It does get better. I have found that the alone time really works for us. They also spend alone time with Dad. That helps too. And getting them involved with different things that are "their own" helps to. Like one in dance, one into music, one into scouting...or sports or whatever....Good luck & best wishes.

Answer 3

If the youngest is only 1 1/2 thats understandable i would be doing the same by taking more care of her shes only little. do you play with her more because the other two girls wont involve her in what they are doing or do you just play with her more. everyday take all of them to the park or just outside the back yard and play ball or something for half an hour. then your spending your time with all three of them at once. hope this helps

Answer 4

I'm surprised they even notice,i assume they are not that much older.Anyhow,my sister in law tended to forget each child after the birth of the next one,she has 4,,she did not ignore them,but she was drooling all over the new baby,like they didn't exist.It would be nice for the kids and you to spend that one on one time if you could,they do need that,and that way you don't lose touch with them.Believe me when they get older you are going to wish you had.You can not turn time back.Of course you love them equally,but they are noticing something,and usually they don't imagine it.Do some soul searching.I'm sure you are the best mom with the best of intentions.Its hard to divide oneself up in pieces.

Answer 5

Its not favoritism! Im sure you spent the same amount of time and gave them the same amount of attention when they were babies, shoot, probably even more cause at some point it was only one baby, then it was only two babies, and now, the little one has to get less attention than her other two siblings got when they were babies. Let them know that they were treated the same way if not better. My one year old needs me way more than my 5 year old. my five year old can walk, talk and many other things, my one year old needs me for almost every thing, does that mean shes my favorite, no it just means Im a good mother cause I take care of my children accordingly. Same goes to you.

Answer 6

"I know it's true"

Sounds like you answered your own question.

"I keep telling them that I love them all the same but indifferent ways and for diferent reasons"

Sounds like a euphemism to me, no child wants to hear that they are "loved differently" and I don't think you would want to either.

You obviously know what's going on, and that's actually a good thing. Knowing that a problem exists and knowing exactly what it is is the first step to fixing it, and I believe that you honestly do want to fix it. Just be patient with yourself, you'll set things right.

Answer 7

wel of course a toddler has many needs, i thought you meant she was like 10 or 11, she is just a baby--they need to understand that, how can she possibly do for herself? she is walking now and must get into everything--you have to watch her, they have to understand this world is made up of all ages of people and this is their turn to learn patience. tell the oldest--when she was a baby she got all the attention!

Answer 8

no it doesn't seem like you show favoritism to one daughter its just that your other daughter are kids and they didn't understand that their little sister needs more attention as they get older they get it but you'll just have to wait and be patent with them and when they through a fit about you not loving them as much just point out all the time you spend with them and tell them how if they didn't leave their little sister out you wouldn't have to play with her and not them just try and get them to play with her so you can play with all of them good luck

Answer 9

u sound like a good mom and keep saying what you do.

the youngest does need more at that age

Answer 10

hang out with them without you littler one. They will listen if you show them.