I can't get my fiance to help me with anything that has to do with the wedding!He makes it seem like all he has to do is show up get married and leave all the work to me.Our wedding is on July and I don't have anything ready.(small wedding by the way)
2007-03-27 12:47:40 · 26 answers · asked by Belanova 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
threaten him
2007-03-27 12:50:20 · answer #1 · answered by vanillaface 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Oh, my goodness. I can't believe the people (women) saying you should dump him if he doesn't help plan the wedding. He won't help with the kids either...blah, blah, blah.. MEN DON'T CARE ABOUT WEDDINGS!! It doesn't mean there is something wrong with him. Get together with your mom, sister, best friend - who ever, and plan the wedding. The groom needs to get a guest list together (with his family), get fitted for a tux, and that's about it. If it makes you happy, you can narrow choices on various things down to two or three, then ask his opinion. My husband didn't help much with the planning of our wedding. We were in two different states at the time. I planned it with my mom. We had a great time, and the wedding was great. Sixteen years and two kids later, my husband is awesome with our kids, but still lets me do the legwork when buying houses or furniture - even cars. I will narrow down the choices, then show him my favorites, and we decide together. It works, because I love the shopping part, and he doesn't. He's not lazy. We just have different interests and skills. He's the one who does the negotiating part of the purchase. If you aren't the kind of bride who loves all the planning, and shopping, why don't you just keep it as simple as possible? Good luck.
2007-03-27 15:58:44 · answer #2 · answered by Tiss 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm having the same problem with my guy. He says "it's traditional for the bride and her family to plan and pay". This from a rather non-traditional guy... So, guess what? He gets what my mother and I arrange, except for: tuxedo, rehearsal dinner and the honeymoon which, according to tradition, he and his family pay for. I did tell him that if he wants a DJ, then he has to find one and pay for it too. Now he's considering just using an iPod. sppptt
Most men just aren't good or interested in the whole wedding thing, though after being with him for 4.5 years, coping through his mom's death, and buying and living in our house for 1 year now - it doesn't mean that he won't make a good life partner. Just realize that there are some things he's going to do and some times you'll have to threaten him. And vise versa. Choose your battles wisely though.
I know it's stressful; so just take a deep breath, formulate a plan, get as much advice as possible from friends and family, and take one step at a time. Shoot! I just decided this weekend to move my wedding up from this November to this May - if we can find a place for the ceremony and reception! *pulls out hair*
2007-03-27 14:26:13 · answer #3 · answered by Up an Evolutionary Tree 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have to agree with most of the people here... yup showing up and getting married is pretty much all you can expect from a groom! It's the rare man indeed who cares about the details of a wedding, and since he doesn't care, why leave decisions up to him? Leave it most men and everyone's reception would be a bbq with thick steaks, baked potatoes, and a keg!
And you know something? We'd probably all enjoy it.. but don't tell THEM that.. :)
2007-03-31 10:19:37 · answer #4 · answered by endorable 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
*sigh* Men generally aren't that interested in the wedding. Get over it and start planning. It would be silly of him to expect you to help him change the oil of the car isn't it? What you're doing and going through is fairly standard. If you can't handle standard, how long you think you can last in a marriage?
Oh, and don't listen to the bitter, man-bashing skanks on this board. They have expectations of men they wouldn't have for themselves.
2007-03-27 12:54:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
some men procrastinate. for what reasons, i'm not sure. it could be that he's feeling the pressure of the approaching wedding and he is having anxiety attacks. shis would be a good time to learn how to resolve problems that arise between the two of you. sit him down and tell him you would like to discuss the matter. ask him why he is not helping you. explain that you can't possibly do it all and that you would really like him to help you. you might even hint to him that it is his wedding, too. do not raise your voice or cry. simply state your case and give him a chance to respond. if he sees that you really mean that you need his help, and if you approach him rationally, he may just come around and help you. good luck to both of you.
2007-03-27 12:59:20 · answer #6 · answered by cactus bloom 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
girls plan weddings, guys rent the tuxedo. by now you should have seen plenty of shows where the guy doesn't do anything. we don't know what to do, you girls are the ones that plan this stuff out since birth, guys don't see it that way. we don't care about the glitz, as long as there is a cake, some food, and a honeymoon - that's pretty much it.
though if you want him to do something, tell him what you want to do. provide a list of things he can accomplish himself. i know many things, but wedding planning ain't one of them.
2007-03-27 12:52:53 · answer #7 · answered by mike s 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Assign him something, tell him this is what YOU need to do for the wedding, tell him if he doesn't do it then it won't be there for the wedding. I had my husband do the dj, the officiant and the guys tuxes. He liked it cause I stayed out of his way and it came out great.
2007-03-27 13:02:39 · answer #8 · answered by Janice O 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The whole wedding-stress is a test for a lot of couples. He needs to start pulling some of the weight. Sit him down and divide the duties, just like dividing the housework or anything else. He's responsible for his part of things, no ifs ands or buts.
2007-03-27 12:51:42 · answer #9 · answered by Jarien 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
If he is not willing to help with the wedding plans, what do you think is going to happen if and when you have children? Sounds like he just wants someone else to make all of the decisions for him. If I were you, i would talk to him, and re-think this marriage with HIM.
2007-03-27 12:53:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Red Flag dear. Even if he has no opinion on the wedding, he should be interested enough in making you happy to participate....if he doesn't exert himself except when he sees a benefit for himself, he is selfish and needs to grow up before you marry him. Time for a talk.
2007-03-27 15:16:15 · answer #11 · answered by Sweetserenity 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋