I'm not ready for a family??

Question

i have been going out with this girl for over 3 years now, and i love her to bits, i have had best times my life with her,
and now she has just told me she is 2 months pregnant, and she did not been talking the after pills since Christmas,, ihave told her that i dont want a family yet, as i'm only 23 she the same age, i dont feel ready for the family, and i dont know now what to do,

i really not ready to have a family, what should i do?

Answer 1

you should not have had sex then don't want kids don't stick it in. I am 20 and rasing a 2 year old i know a single father who is 17 rasing his 6 month old by himself because the mother wanted nothing to do with the kid age is not a sign of responsibility it's your actions. If you didn't want kids you should never had sex. Even if she had been on BC it would not have been 100% safe there would have always been a small chance of having a kid. the only thing that is 100% is no sex. Take care of your resposibility. Grow up.

Answer 2

Dear Not Ready,
First I am a female so what I say has nothing to do with sex. To me it sounds like your girlfriend is trying to make you marry her(?) and sounds like she got pregnant on purpose. That said, you have a couple of options: (1) you can stay with her and take care of her and the baby, even though you have told her you're not ready,(2) you can leave her and only take care of the baby or(3) be a real chump and leave her to her own devises. I would question her motive behind her efforts to not tell you she was off the pill and that you feel like she has deceived and tricked you. I would also suggest that if you stay with her that the 2 of you get lots of counselling and parenting classes. This baby needs to aleast have both parents in agreement about how to raise it. I will say that hopefully as the pregnancy progresses, you will at least resolve to the fact that you are going to be a father and you are a very important part of the baby growing up.
I wish the both of you all the best and that your girlfriend will grow up and not use this child as a means to keep you around if that turns out not to be.

Answer 3

RIght, this is real life unfortunatly.

you either become the best dad know to a little boy or girl

or a little child doesnt know who their daddy is and you still do the right thing in paying child maintence.

Either way it does take two to make a child you have to do the right thing and support this gal and the child she is carrying.

I have a 3 year old and I will give you a piece of advice for free. I have mates who are single and a lot of them dont have kids, the ones that have children have always said that they feel more complete. The other thing is, is that as you are younger, your more fitter to do all the things they will want to do when they are at that age of boundless engery

As well would you want someone else to be a father to your child and there isnt many who would be a true dad to a child thats not theirs

Answer 4

That is really bad of her to do that without talking to you first. Do you think she may be trying to trap you into marrying her? Some psychotic girls do this ya know. Anyway, you still did the deed and even if she was taking her pills accidents will happen. I'm sure you'll still love the baby. Obviously she wanted the baby so adoption or abortion are probably out of the question. I'm sorry for you. Good luck with that.

Answer 5

If she hadn't been taking her pills, there might be a hidden agenda on her part. It sounds like she may have mislead you - but that's besides the point. Many people fail to realize that no birth control is 100% effective (only abstinence). Since you were man enough to lay down with the girl, you need to be man enough and take care of your responsibility. We don't need any more dead beat fathers out there. Talk to your girl and find out what she wants to do. There are other options if neither of you are willing to raise a child. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Answer 6

well you can either accept your responsibilities as you didnt wear a condom and stick by her and the baby.

or you can run and deny that you are the dad and that you want nothing to do with it.

its abit too late to be asking this question once shes pregnant and is keeping the baby. so your two options are really to stay with her or not.

theres no point in sitting down and talking to her- if she never took the pill she obviously wanted this to happen so abortions out of the question.

you need to sit down and think by yourself as a familys a big thing. a kids a big thing.

but i can say if you dont stick by your kid, you'll regret it in say.. 10years time, and that kid will resent you because you were more bothered about being able to have freedom

Answer 7

If you weren't ready to be a dad - You should have wore a condom. ALWAYS wear a condom. It doesn't matter if she says she's on the pill or not - you have to take responsibility for your OWN actions. You did the deed, you planted the seed... and now you both must live with the consequences.

You say that you love her, that's a real good start. All you can do now is be there for her and show your support, whatever happens. Good luck. :-)

Answer 8

Well if you weren't ready to have a family, perhaps you shouldn't have had sex. Ok, I'll be realistic, perhaps you shouldn't have had unprotected sex. It is just as much the man's responsibility to wear protection as it is a woman's to use some herself. If she is indeed pregnant, you need to suck it up and be a man...support her, talk about your options, and if the choice to is have and keep the baby, then be a great father!
On a side note, if she didn't tell you she was going off the pill, I would question her honesty and her commitment to you.

Answer 9

get all these ppl saying u suldn't hav slept with ur own ruddy gf!!! u thought she was on the pill, and she lied to you, u cnt help it. u need 2 sit dwn n think if u really wana b wiv sum1 who's lied 2 u abt being on the pill. its a bloody great thing 2 lie abt!
either way u cannot force her 2 get rid of the baby. i'm really sorry mate, but it looks like ur guno b a daddy in 7 months. i guess its something u'll have 2 get used to. i'm 20 and pregnant and i keep thinking now that i dnt want the baby, but thats just my hormones! y dnt u try tlkin 2 ur m8s? they might b able 2 help better as they kno both u and ur gf

Answer 10

oh wow. I am sorry for your situation. I have to say, I don't approve of her behavior at ALL!! She never should have made a decision that would alter both of your lives so drastically without consulting with you first!!

What you need to decide is, are you afraid that you won't be able to handle a family at this point in your life...or do you not WANT to handle a family at this time.

If you are just afraid, then I will tell you...hang in there and try to relax, you will be able to handle it! I know it seems impossible right now, but my husband was also 23 when our first child was born and he has done an amazing job supporting our family.

If you don't WANT a family right now, period! then you are going to have to have a long talk with your girlfriend. Obviously you wont be able to completely "wash your hands" of this baby because she can legally pursue child support. But you DO NOT have to live with her/marry her/raise the child just because she chose to get pregnant without asking you.

It sounds to me like you really do love this girl and it even sounds like you are able to forgive her for going off her birth control. Just stay supportive of each other and you WILL be able to work things out.