I've been with my boyfriend for four years this month, and I am ready to get married ,I mean we both have our Bachelors degree, and jobs, like we said we would do before getting engaged. Yes we made plans and both agreed when we accomplished certain goals( like college)that we would get engaged.But he still keeps giving excuse after excuse.His first excuse was after college, and for the past 6 months he has been telling me this March, well I finally set him down to ask him why is he procrastinating and now he says that he is in no rush and he wants to wait another 3-4 more years!! He said that is how he has felt the whole time, but he never told me that, he just kept telling me it was about to happen. I am really upset and I have been lied to many times, he says he didnt want to lose me but that is not fair to me. I dont know weather to leave him or keep being patient for another 3 more years??
2007-03-27 11:41:19 · 22 answers · asked by ashlee 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Looks like there's a fundamental difference between you two, and it's a big one. You've got to ask yourself, "Can I go on longer after all these years with no marriage in sight?". You deserve better for yourself if the answer to that question is "No". I do wish you luck in your decision.
2007-03-27 11:49:38 · answer #1 · answered by Jolly 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see why you are frustrated. I've seen this same thing many times on Dr. Phil and I agree with his advice. Basically, your boyfriend is getting all the advantages of a relationship (marriage) without the permanant commitment. So that's why he is in no rush. However, if you feel you are ready to get married and settle down, the thing to do is to leave. I know it's not easy but this isn't fair to you. You did your end of the bargain and you even said he knew, basically, that he was lying. I'd leave him and do your own thing for awhile. Maybe he'll see what he's missing and come around. If not, I'm sure you'll find someone who'll love you and want to make the marriage commitment. Besides, in another 3 years he might say the same thing again. Then you'll have wasted another 3 years that you could have been happy, and engaged, to a great man. Good luck with whatever you do and stay strong!!
2007-03-27 11:56:51 · answer #2 · answered by Kittieashy 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Being promised a commitment like marriage and not having it come thru hurts like hell. I know when I went thru it I felt hurt, betrayed, and that shoulda been my warning sign but I didn't take heed to that call. I wasted another few years hoping it would change and that he'd eventually see the light. It never happened. Then I met my fiance. We were together right at a year before he proposed, and we're getting married in August. Some people may think that we've moved to fast, but as hokey as it sounds, when you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to begin as soon as possible. I wish you luck!!! If you need more input send me a message.
2007-03-27 12:44:06 · answer #3 · answered by Krissy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seriously do not rush him. My husband and I were together for over 10 years before we got engaged (HS Sweethearts). I pushed him a lot to get engaged and now that we are married I wish I hadn't. We both had bachelors degrees, jobs and a HOUSE for 2 years before we were engaged.
Sometimes it just isn't the right time for the other person, even though it is for you.
Trust me, I've been married 6 months & we've been together for 13 years now... It is nothing different except name changing, health insurance and taxes! If you are contemplating leaving him because he wont get engaged to you then maybe you shouldn't be with him.
PLUS you don't know maybe he has a ring in his pocket and he wants you to be surprised ~
2007-03-27 12:31:10 · answer #4 · answered by mrs_m_06 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
That completely sucks. I am so sorry to hear that.
Having said that, the dude seems like a jerk. He has known the whole time he didn't want to get married and has dragged you along for the whole time all the while lying. That is not right! :(
I say that you have a degree and a job. You have a lot going for you and don't need someone that doesn't want you back.
Sure, a relationship is great, but if you want marriage and he doesn't, it might be time to just say "goodbye" to him. You can't wait forever for him to make up his mind, right?
2007-03-27 12:31:01 · answer #5 · answered by CC 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sure you feel like he is the man for you, but if he has lied to you about his plans it is likely he feels you are not the girl for him. He will not tell you this because he is getting everything he needs from you as far as companionship without a commitment. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. HELLO! Move on, there is someone out there who will respect you enough to be honest with you. You should always have a partner that can both respect and cherish you, not one or the other
2007-03-27 11:52:56 · answer #6 · answered by Denise R 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
consistent with possibility you're pushing it merely a sprint lots. provide him some area and whilst he's waiting, he will advise. you could properly be scaring him off with all the communicate approximately marriage. If all you're out to do is hurry and get married, you may desire to re-examine your perspectives. Are you the two waiting for a complete life dedication? effective you're residing jointly, yet that doesn't advise lots. as quickly as that ring is on your finger, how does he recognize you're unlikely to alter? How do you recognize he might desire to not substitute? Marriage is like paying for a house. in case you rush into the call, you could discover which you by no potential had a solid beginning place and each little thing will fall apart around you.
2016-10-20 13:40:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems as if you're pressuring him into marrying you! And thats not a good thing to do... Marriage is a very serious committment, and it shouldn't be forced upon! If you Love your boyfriend... you should just wait until hes ready, because its clear he is not ready to marry you yet. I'm sure he will "pop the question" one day, but you gotta be patient. When he feels in his heart, he wants to take on marriage then he'll ask ya! Don't worry... just show him that you'll be always there for him!!!!!!!
Good Luck
2007-03-28 08:21:19 · answer #8 · answered by CUTIE 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you haven't been lied to. you are just anxious to get married. besides why are you in such a rush to get there to begin with? you have all the time in the world. besides if that is all you really want (to get married, and forget the relationship as a whole) then break up with him and find another man to get married to. The more you push him the more he will NOT be willing to propose to you. Men don't like to be rushed with things like this.
2007-03-27 12:35:35 · answer #9 · answered by cfalways 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've gotta be kidding... You would consider waiting another four years while he plays his games? You're not getting any younger, girl; wake up! You can't waste your time like this. He doesn't want to marry you; he just wants to have you around until something bigger and better comes along. Are you going to allow this to happen? Pack up, leave, and don't look back. This guy doesn't respect you; find someone who will.
2007-03-27 12:15:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋