my bf and i have been having many problems. i even had to move out because of it. i love him a lot and he loves me too though. because of him our relationship has taken deeper steps and i love him for it. he put up with me and my s***t. I am your typical bitchy girl! with a lot of flaws by the way which he seems to over look purposely to make it work. the thing is that i want to move out to our own place. (we live with his parents) i know he wants me to live with him but our situation sord of discourages me. he doesn't have a job right now. and it doesn't look like he's not getting one anytime soon either. i have a really good job though, and i don't want to be the one to end up supporting him! how can i make him see things differently. i know he wants it as much as i do but he doesn't seem to put too much effort into it. guys, what can i do? how can i make him step up and take charge. i don't want to end up breaking up and his parents house isn't quiet doing it for me. thanks!!
2007-03-27 11:02:40 · 16 answers · asked by gaby5 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
for the record, i did move back home.. and i didn't support him. i said i wouldn't want to in the long run... thanks :)
2007-03-27 11:43:49 · update #1
two things. first make him chase you. i.e. do not move in with him until after the wedding. Tell him that you are not punishing him but he can have the priviledge of being with you when he is ready to make that commitment and be responsible. The secon d thing is you need to support him. Tell him you believe in him rather than nag him. Naggin will put him into the arms of another woman. But supporting him and assisting when you can will make him want to change for him. and he will love him a ton more in the end. But please dont expect him to change just because you want him too. Remember do to him what you would want him to do to you if you needed to change something.
2007-03-27 11:10:27 · answer #1 · answered by Armond B 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He doesn't want it as much as you do! If he did, he would have/get a job, make a home for you and him, put a ring on your finger, and have a plan in place that you both have discussed. You're living in a dream world if you think you can change a 'Man', and I use that term loosely, that has shown no interest in 'stepping up'. Imagine 5 years down the road, 2 or 3 kids, husband with no job, him promising over and over again that he'll find something someday, and you supporting everyone in the house. Is this how you envisioned your life??? Smarten up woman, be wise, be happy, stay single for now. This one is NOT a keeper.
2007-03-27 11:15:07 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and Know what you want. I wouldn't want to live in the parents home either.You have a good job and don't let this guy use you for your money.
You can't make him take charge and you certainly are not going to change him. Sounds like he is very immature. He also has you at a disadvantage in this situation. You live in the parents home. Not good !!!
Have you ever thought about moving back home with your parents ? Save some money and get your own little apartment ? (but not with him)
If you are supporting him now, you will be supporting him later.
Is this the guy you would want to spend the rest of your life with ?
Time and space may be the answer here.......Good Luck !!
2007-03-27 11:20:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First thing you have to learn is that a woman can never teach a man how to be a man and its not you job to. its the job of other men to do that. Its the job of fathers, grandfathers, uncles, pastors, mentors and other men who have been down similar paths and want to help. Next if this man is asking you to live with him(by the way which i am not conding nor judging but i dont believe in shacking up without marriage) and his parents, he doesnt really seem ready for a relationship. You said u love him and he loves you i doubt it but think about this:
Love and selfishness are the two greatest forces in life. A person chooses to walk in one or the other every day. What many people call love really isn't love at all. Real love—which is agape love or the God kind of love—is unconditional, limitless, selfless and is not based on emotions. It is extremely tolerant.
Unfortunately, most people operate in selfishness. They live in human, emotional love, which has limits, is conditional, requires pre-qualification and has to be loved before it can love. Selfishness is the root of all sin, which is based in fear. As a result, our society is experiencing a tremendous amount of lawlessness, perversion and sin.
2007-03-27 11:16:30 · answer #4 · answered by Thyk L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps living together without any marriage is not the right way to encourage a guy to be a man.
I suggest that you move out on your own and tell your boyfriend that you will marry him when he can take care of his family.
This will give him an incentive to get a job and make something out of himself.
And if he doesn't make the effort and doesn't get ready for taking care of his family, then he is not the right man for you. And in that case, you should move on and find another guy to have a relationship with.
2007-03-27 11:16:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well it is a deeep problem, well most times the right thing to do is the hard thing to do. u have to tell him that its over unless he changes and changes sooon, i cant tell u all that stupied talk about love and it can work out if u want but u dont really belive that do u? , listen if u want to get on with life and u alrady have a good job u dnt want anyone to hold u bk and i mean no one so unless he responds to you leaving him and sort his life out then u will have to leave him. it might hurt you now but staying with half a man will hurt you for a very long time....................at the end of the day it depeds on you and only you :)
2007-03-27 11:11:49 · answer #6 · answered by fofo 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you REALLY want a man? Find one. Is this how you shop for shoes? "It doesn't fit, but I LOVE the look!" You want to be the dominant one or this boy wouldn't be doing it for you. Ask yourself why you are attracted to a weakling. Until you get a handle on yourself, you will replace this model for the same one eventually. By the way, how does he treat his mother? She demos your future...
2007-03-27 11:13:55 · answer #7 · answered by LELAND 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i can see where ur coming from, but hun understand, maybe hes a bit attached. Talk to him one on one, and set reasonable goals for when u want to move into ur own place,and when each of u is gonna get a job, and split up the bull seach of u is gonna pay.
PLAN IT OUT
2007-03-27 11:09:11 · answer #8 · answered by as 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You can't make anyone do anything. Don't even try, you'll just make him mad and frustrate yourself.
Explain that you want to be with someone who has a job and their own place, and if he's not willing to do that, then leave if it is that important to you.
2007-03-27 11:07:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
you can't change him, he'll grow up when he's ready. move out by yourself, be independant. you don't have to break-up tho, if the situation sucks for ya get out.
2007-03-27 11:17:21 · answer #10 · answered by H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋