My mom died last year in november and my sisters and i had no really money to help pay for the funeral except whatever we could come up with. my aunts called me recently and told me that my grandmother wants my sisters and I to pay back $3000 for the funeral. Not only was I offended but it had nothing to do with my aunt and i work and go to school just trying to make ends meet. But also, my grandmother failed to mention to my aunts that my sister gave her $ 500 and that we were struggling because of bills. I feel upset that my grandmother didn't have the decency to call me and tell that she wanted us to pay her back but then I feel that it's her daughter and my mom had no real assets. I need advice on how to approach this and a way to tell my aunts that they need to stop being so f**king annoying and noisy.
2007-03-27 10:52:37 · 11 answers · asked by ? 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You are grown, tell them how you feel. Death and money make odd bed fellows, and put family into it and you have some crap. Your grandmother had an obligation as a parent, but then again if you and your siblings were grown, your grandmother's responsibility is transferred to you and your siblings. I know you might think it is wrong, and yes your grandmother might have gone about it the wrong way, but you know what, pay her, keep your records and when need be give it back to her and your aunt. Talk with your mother and you know what I am sure she will give you some suggestions, if those suggestions are nothing more than the realizations your mother would have pointed out to you. God Bless.
2007-03-31 10:12:22 · answer #1 · answered by Bethy4 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When your sister gave your grandmother $500, did she say, 'Here, grandma, this is partial payment for the $3000 you gave for mom's funeral?' If so, then you owe your grandma $2500, I suppose. Best to figure out how you and your sisters can come up with that, pay it and think more carefully about how money gets passed around in your family.
Whenever I hear about a money dispute and someone mentions that they 'gave' someone some money, I'm not surprised that they think that the money they 'gave' was supposed to protect them from ever being called on a loan.
It doesn't work that way. If your sister was feeling generous and responding to grandma's problem paying car insurance - then she 'gave' your grandma the money and there was no loan payment implied. Also, unless she was clear that the $500 could be understood to be a loan to your grandma, it was not a loan, just a gift to help her out, and not something counted in some large accounting sheet your sister is maintaining in her head.
Between you and your sisters, come up with the money -it's not just you and because you said 'sisters', there have to be at least 3 of you which means $1000 apiece. That's certainly better than the whole $3000! Just do it, manage it and learn something from it.
What I do understand, even after the debt is cleared, is how you could be offended. You were struggling because of bills and couldn't handle the funeral costs. The fact that your grandmother paid for the funeral had to be a tremendous help. Maybe your grandmother was afraid to call you and ask for the money to be repaid because she was afraid you'd get angry. It was her daughter she paid to bury and that's also a heavy emotional burden for a mother. Your aunts may be intervening to do the dirty work of telling you she needs to be paid back (they may even enjoy doing that in a mean-spirited sort of way - or not, I don't know) but your grandmother may legitimately need the money.
Although I'm not an elderly person yet, I know plenty of elderly people - they always count pennies because they can't go to work with the same energy as a young person. You are going to school and you work. Your grandmother sees you as a strong person. Even if you don't enjoy wealth right now, I'll bet you have solid financial goals (you wouldn't be going to school if you didn't see that in terms of helping your financial goals, for instance!)
Be the strong person, pay the money, watch your own purse in the future - money and family politics are a highly loaded combination!
2007-04-03 05:06:59 · answer #2 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to make sure that you grandma understands the stituation you are in. If she still wants you to pay her back so bad try to explain to her that your mother was her daughter and that it is partially her responsibilty to help with the funeral. If nothing wrks honestly, try to make her feel really guilty, but that is an absolute last resort.
2007-04-03 18:36:09 · answer #3 · answered by snoboard13 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but if your grandma knew about your situation and knewing this she still payed for the funeral, I don't know really. I think this is mean for their part.It's your grandma your mom's mom, and she wants her money back, for burying her own daughter? Geez...Tell your grandma to please understand that you are in school/work and have responsabilities to.Your aunts they are probabbly trying to help your grandma, just tell them this is btw you and grandma. Good Luck.
2007-04-03 04:15:59 · answer #4 · answered by ivette 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think they are being very selfish. I think the loss of your mother is harder on you kids and I think if they want to be that way, just let them be. If they want to be cut out of your life, then so be it. It's obvious they don't care how this is affecting you or your siblings. I also think your grandmother should be ashamed of herself and leave you alone. Let her take you to court if she wants, but I think she would lose the case and her dignity in the process.
I am so sorry for your loss and I wish you the best. Good luck!
2007-04-02 16:44:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
first of all, i am sorry for the lost of your mom. it's most difficult for everyone to handle death appropriately. secondly, verify with grandma if aunts really want to have the money paid back and if it's true, then be honest with grandma and that you can't because of your current situation. as far as your aunts, they have their own issues and either ignore them or kick their gluetous maximus... you're and adult now and you need to test your own mettle... my prayers be with you
2007-04-03 21:53:49 · answer #6 · answered by ogg08 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell the aunts if you owed them then you and them have something to discuss but since you don't owe them anything, this conversation is over.
2007-03-27 11:03:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
just tell ur aunt to stay out of this. then try ur very best to pay back ur grandma.
2007-04-03 03:36:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
just go and tell ur aunt
2007-04-01 11:10:00 · answer #9 · answered by berniceamoadade 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
talk to aunt
2007-03-27 11:28:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋