My 4 year old is driving me insane help???

Question

He is displaying some very unusual behaviour. He has always been a bit neurotic but this just takes the cake. He continually whinges about toys, food, his brithers, his room, being too short, being to big, the car, the list never ends. And then when he stops whinging he is crying or making whimpering sounds. I am a reall mummy mum now, I stay home and I make them costumes we go to the park and beach there is nothing that he is missing out on or lacking. The worst of it has to be his screaming. He has this high pitched scream he makes when he is well anything. If someone takes something off him he screams, if he doesn't get his own way he screams, if he doesn't get the chair he wants to sit in or the plate/bowl he wants or the food he wants he screams and it hurts my ears.

This is like therapy i already feel better. Any sugestions???

PS we have been up since 4am because he doesn't want to sleep and was screaming.

Answer 1

Sounds to me the *child* here is the one in charge... and not the adult(s). Unacceptable behavior is - well - unacceptable. Straight across the board, too.

Giving in and letting him have his way (when he whines or doesn't) is doing only one thing: letting him know what he's got to do to be the boss. Grow up and be - if not a parent - a leader, by showing him what he's got to do to "get his way." Does Mommy whine to get something she wants or something done? Does Daddy scream if he doesn't get his way? Ask him these things.

My 3 year-old daughter spent only 2 days - ever - whining or crying and thinking it was the way to get what she wanted. Before 2 years-old, I told her straight up that she's allowed to cry and whine all she wants, but in her room and on her chair; I'm not going to listen to it and "it's bad manners, Sweetie." She was told that if she wants something, that she has to use her manners and ask politely, starting with an "excuse me, please..." and wait for a response, not just grab or assume she's getting it.

This is going to be rough because you already gave him permission to act this way, but believe me, it'll only make things easier if you cut the unacceptable behavior off as soon as possible.

If he's complaining about something, ask him what can be done about it (instead of just throwing a fit about it). "I'm too short!!" "What can we do about that, kiddo? Would you like to get your step stool?" "I want my toy!!" "What do you have to ask to get your toy, buddy?"

I suggest looking and/or walking away from him the second a scream starts. Again, giving him attention shows him it's a way to get attention (that goes for "good" or "bad" behavior). In public, have the guts to do the same. Screaming for something at the store means nothing to you. If you're in the middle of grocery shopping, so what? Once he's done screaming, scoop him up and bring him home. Not outside, not for a talk, not for a 2nd chance. He can try again the next time you're out together... if you're willing to bring him.

If his behavior actually starts effecting his brothers' "good times," they'll start telling him that "it's his fault, and that everyone is being punished because of his decisions." Now, it's not just Mom and Dad telling him he's gotta be responsible for his actions and use manners... and hopefully he'll see that it really isn't just himself that the world is rotating around.

Finally, keep this in the back of your mind: Why are family members more polite to complete strangers than the ones they love and live with?

Answer 2

This too shall pass. My son is now 5 1/2. I remember thinking 3 was rough, but at 4 thought I would lose my mind! I'm no expert, but I think its just another stage of growing up for them, figuring out boundries etc. Consistency is so important. With my son we always told him 'no fits'. A friend suggested keeping things simple. 4 yrs - 4 words, 5 yrs - 5 words. Basically its keeping the correction of their actions brief. That way we keep their attention while trying to help them behave better. My son did the same, I thought what a drama king, so emotional. He is sooo much better now. My suggestion is find out what discipline works for you - time out, taking away toys or priveleges, what have you. With my son we'd explain his behavior was unacceptable, ask him to calm down, and if he continued we'd let him know it was time out. I would set the timer for 4 minutes & explain when he calmed down I'd start it, then I wanted him to be calm. It may sound like a long time so if 2 minutes or so works better for you, you'll know what works best. Sometimes we'd spend 20 minutes at this, because it took time for him to calm down enough to start time out. But I felt it was more effective than letting him scream during his time out. When time out was over we'd talk about what was going on. As briefly as I could so I didn't lose his attention we'd explain to him to use his words. If he didn't want to share a toy, say on a playdate, I'd give him the option before someone came over to set aside one or two 'special' toys but that he had to share the other toys. Be patient, hang in there. Anyway, just some ideas, hope that helps and makes sense. Good luck

Answer 3

Honey, I'm so sorry. I totally relate! Please do not listen to others who say, SPANK THAT CHILD, or THAT CHILD IS JUST SPOILED. I'm sure you have been told that many of times and even had some looks from others that make you feel like an awful mother. You're not. If you've noticed, spanking just don't work. Discipline does not mean spank or beat, it means, "To teach". I know what you're going through. I was so beside myself with my son when he started this, and he wasn't like that as a baby. He was the best baby there ever was. It just started out of the blue one day and hasn't stopped. He had just turned three, and I thought it was just a phase at first, but it seemed to get worse no matter what I did. Spanking made it even worse. And I am a firm believer in spanking, not beating, but spanking. It just didn't work. I tried time outs, I tried EVERYTHING. Finally when I couldn't take it anymore, I made an appointment with my pediatrician. Thank God I did too. I was crying and telling her all about it. I was lucky to have a sensitive Doctor, and one who had expeirenced it first hand with her own daughter. She reffered me to a Child Physcologist, and started him on a sleep med at night, thinking that since he had a hard time going to sleep it might have contributed to his problems during the day. At first I didn't want to,but now I am thankful I did see the physcologist. I took him off the sleep med because it was too powerful. After spending quite some time with the physcologist, he diagnosed him with ADHD combined, Oppositional Deffiance Disorder (ODD) with bi-polar traits. They have since then started him on a medication after trial and error and have found the perfect one for him. He takes Medidate CD, and it is perfect for him. He is more calmer, he only has one or two explosions per day, if that, and he talks much much more. So now he can communicate his feelings better. I also learned to be very consistant, as he doesn't like change, and believe it or not, he likes me to set boundries for him. It makes him feel safer. He doesn't act all drugged up. I had a hard time at first finding the right meds for him and was frustrated for having to put him on something at all. I felt it was all my fault, but the Doctors assured me and begged me to keep trying. I'm glad I did, because now, he's like a normal child. Please, see your Doctor. It's not fair to your child or your family to see him go through this. Good luck and update me.

Answer 4

Please communicate this with your stepson's wellbeing practitioner. I agree that there could be some thing happening at Dad's place that's provoking him, yet your point out that he's feeling somebody hitting him while he's on my own and the unexpected and violent nature of those outbursts make me think of that this could be extra scientific than behavioural. undemanding partial seizures can take the form of odd sensory reports (hallucinations, yet no longer inevitably seen or auditory - they could be scents or sensations besides). those outbursts must be led to via some thing neurological, no longer purely behavioural. it must be a sturdy theory to confer with the document precisely what you're seeing (jot down some notes first so which you do no longer ignore the important factors decrease than rigidity). The frontal and temoral lobes of the suggestions are in charge for many sensory and behavioural applications - i'm no longer asserting that it is the case, yet i might relatively be attentive to that your document knows of the annoying situations you're dealing with with your stepson. My daughter had a stroke while she grow to be purely a week previous and it affected her frontal, parietal and temporal lobes, so i'm all too attentive to a number of the flaws we'd be dealing with along with her down the line (we've been warned approximately undesirable impulse administration, tantrums and sensory seizures). i'm no longer attempting to DIAGNOSE YOUR STEPSON and relatively do no longer think of he has had a stroke, yet some odd behavioural issues have scientific bases. whether it particularly isn't any longer scientific, then possibly your document can help you come across somebody who can resolve your little guy's unexpected character substitute - i will comprehend why you're at your wit's end. confirm to take time for your self, coping with behaviour like it particularly is frequently draining on even the main excellent of mothers and dads.

Answer 5

Sounds like someone is spoiled and it's time to put your foot down. Talk to your friends and family for suggestions. They know him well and might be able to help you. If all else fails and you don't know what else to do you may want to talk to his pediatrician, but don't let them talk you into the whole ADHD/other disorders thing yet. Make sure you have him professionally diagnosed if these issues come up. Don't just start medicating him because the doctor says so. I say start disciplining him. Punish him for that kind of behavior. He shouldn't be acting like that.

Maybe he isn't stimulated and needs activities to do. Maybe you are giving him too much freedom and/or too many choices. Instead of asking him what he wants to eat (for example) give him two choices. Instead of asking him what he wants to do, say "would you like to go on a walk or would you like to paint?" Might even want to watch a couple of episodes of "Super Nanny." Sometimes she has really great advise. Hope this helps. Good luck.

Answer 6

it sounds like he is spoilt very much and is used to getting his own way by throwing tantrums and screaming.there is a natural product at the chemist called KIDS CALM .i would try this as it works wonders. the child might be just hyped up and needs a natural product to help him settle

Answer 7

U need to spank his littl assss and see how that works, i smack my little one in the hand after 2 times i have told him to pick up his toys and i smack him and he listens. so yes u can do that. of course ur not gonna beat his asss to death, just a smack that lets him know ur the boss

Answer 8

DEAR

ONE WORK PUT HIM ARE HER OVER YOU LAP AND SPANK HIS ARE HER BOTTOM REALLY GOOD WITH A STRONG VOICE MOMMY SAID NO AND MOMMY MEANS IT IF HE ARE SHE WHEN YOU LET THEM DOWN TRY,S

TO KICK YOU RE SPANK OK JUST A FEW LITTLE POPS ON THERE BOTTOM OPEN HAND THE VOICE WILL SCARE THEM MORE THEN THE SPANKING DOES

TAKE CARE

Answer 9

put ur foot down now before ur screaming when hes stealing from u because hes just ur baby now