Just got married 4 days ago, Already in trouble?

Question

Hey please help me out here. I am 22 years old and just got married a couple of days ago, to a Nigerian. He was born in American so no he doesnt need citizenship. Anyways, we have been together for 3.5 years and told his parents we wanted to get married. They went crazy, his moms head did a 360 degree spin. They told us if we get married not to call them and when we have children not to never ever call them. They said that we are to young and not stable, mind you we make over 90k a year and have no children. Were pretty stable, I have some college and my husband has a B.S from UCLA and is working on his M.A. Well we got married anyway and are moving out in a month. PROBLEM IS, he doesnt want to tell his parents we are married and he doesnt wear his wedding ring around his parents. It hurts me so much. He wants to pretend that when we move out it is his apartment and that I DONT live there, it sucks because im going to be paying half the rent and half of all the bills what do i do.

Answer 1

Wow that's a pretty sh*tty situation. Let me just say one thing to you..if he loves you than he would stand up to them and tell them exactly how it is. WTF?hiding the fact of being married?what kind of a guy does that?HUH? do you deserve that?I DON'T THINK SO!!!!!!!!!!get your sh*t together and you tell him if he's sooo afraid of what his parents will say or do, then obviously you're not as important to him as you thought..Good luck honey. Show him who's boss, tell him you're not gonna move in with him until he tells them. THat's it...end of story no acceptions, no whenever is the right time...NOW OR NEVER!!!!!

Answer 2

first off you both are young and still in school 2 problems right there .I hate to say it but you should have waited until you both out of school full time, and the not wearing the wedding ring is a big one he's either ashamed and or scaried for going behind his parents back OR BOTH MY GUESS IS BOTH.... if I where you I'd sit him down and have a talk with him . tell him how you are feeling and that you are hurt and upset about the RING!!! after all it's suspose to tell the world that you two made life time bond and commitment and if he's not mature enough for that then you guys are in no way ready to have been married ... ps. IT'S JUST ME BUT I WOULDN'T BE PAYING HALF OF ANYTHING UNTIL HE WAS WEARING THAT RING FULL TIME PARENTS OR NOT HE MADE A COMMITMENT TO YOU NOT THEM WHEN HE SAID I DO !!!!!!

Answer 3

The man should be paying all the bills, you should contribute by paying for the food only....

Understand that family is very important and if you had children and they did the same you would be very hurt. I am sure they have there reason for you two not to be married so young, in which you are very young. What is the rush? Are you dying or going somewhere for a long time?

Slow down, life is short, no need to have all this stress for nothing.

Answer 4

OK, lets just examine the situation here.... "WE got married anyway." You both took the step, you both need to work this out. You are in this together and HE doesn't get to make all the decisions. Is he ready to act like a husband, because he is one, and he had better come to that realization if he wants to remain one. If you are both old enough to marry, you are old enough to stand up to Mommy and Daddy and tell them what you have done, explain to them that you are sorry that they don't approve but you are not looking for their approval. If they would like to be a part of your happiness they are welcome to visit you both at your apartment, if not, perhaps they will change their minds over time. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Answer 5

You need to tell him how you feel and ask him whats more important disappointing your family or disappointing me tell him how hurt you are by his actions if he loves you like im sure he does he will stop and start acting like your husband in front of everyone ,also when you talk to him try and show him what you are going through ,through your eyes tell him i know it must be hard with how your parents have been acting but we are adults and want each other in our lives ask him if he remembers your wedding vows .This cant go on he has to stand up to his parents or get out of there lives if they love him they will come around and you will eventually be a family sometimes parents cant be extremllllyyyy stubborn and its wrong but imperfect people to imperfect things i wish you luck congrats on your marriage ive been married for 7years i have 5kids and its wonderful but at times its a big challenge .

Answer 6

Conflict or anger itself does not have to cause an irreparable rift between partners. With good communication skills and a shared commitment to a marriage, even these are surmountable. How to save your marriage https://tr.im/QiNVW

However, at that point where one partner is at the brink of abandoning the relationship, how can the remaining partner save their marriage? If you are at the point where your spouse has asked for a divorce, what can you do?

You must realize first that, you do have a choice. Often, when confronted by a crisis, we find ourselves backed into a corner thinking we have no choice in the matter. How can we change the situation when it involves another person's feelings or decisions? While we cannot, must not and in no way manipulate, blackmail or threaten our partner into changing their mind, we can actually control how we react to the situation. If anything, you must realize that you still have control over yourself. You have the opportunity to look inward and take responsibility for your own feelings and actions and even have the chance to take personal inventory of what your partner is trying to tell you. Are there points in your marriage that must be changed? If so, respond appropriately and proactively.

Answer 7

The thing is you are married and they will find out sooner or later. You can't hide out forever and what will you do if they show up are you going to hide all your stuff. Honey this is such a bad way to start a marriage. It might make you brake up. Pray about it together as a couple and see if you get any answers within your own self. My advice is to tell them maybe they will be ok with it later on. Or your going to have to put your foot down because that will be your house to. People only do to you what you let them........Good luck

Answer 8

Welcome to Marriage, sweetie.
Perhaps you should have talked about this beforehand... well, since you didn't... talk about it now. Tell him how much this hurts you. Ask him how long he wants to keep up the deception, and when he will be ready to risk his parents' disapproval (again).
Marriage is all about unconditional love in the face of faults and imperfections... and then finding a compromise. This is your first test as a married couple, and you need to work out an arrangement where both of you feel (somewhat) satisfied.
By the way... for future reference, a good book for married couples: "Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman, Ph.D.

Answer 9

I thik you have answered your own question. You have a good education, you make good money. You are married. You are over 21 years of age. Next thing to do is stop putting over the inevidentable - Get an apartment with a six month lease -tell his parents you are married and get on with life. Tell him to get on board or get out. He needs to leave his Mother and cling to his wife. Why does it seem so logical to me?

I am sorry that his parents have been so cruel to you both - there are better ways to handle disappointment and this isn't one of them. Hang tough, you will be okay. But, you have to be the strong one. Bless of everything, and hopefully many years of happiness are ahead for both of you.

Granny

Answer 10

Oh man, Ok if they find out that you guys are married without him telling them just proves that he is not grown up enough to be married. He needs to step up and be a man and tell them, that he loves you with all of his heart and you are his wife. That's what marriage is about. It's about you two now, not him and his parents. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.
Best of luck