I think sometimes I come off as phony when I choose to be nice to people that I know are *ahem* not nice people - especially when they're trying to provoke me. What does everyone think about this?
2007-03-27 09:44:05 · 21 answers · asked by onefineham 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
You come off as phony because you are. There's a vast difference between civility, and sycophancy. I meet hundreds of people that I don't think are 'nice people'. I am civil and polite, but they would never expect an invitation to dinner. If you must deal with people you don't like, as we all do, the rule is, 'be nice'. That's all.
2007-03-27 09:57:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that if you are genuinely nice to everyone, you could not be perceived as a phony....you just have to be careful not to talk about the people behind their backs after you have been nice to them.
Being too nice can get you into things you may not want to be in. People asking for favors, taking advantage of you, etc.
2007-03-27 09:48:31 · answer #2 · answered by country_girl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing will drive a "not nice" person as crazy as you refusing to stoop to their level. I'm not sure you can be "too nice" unless you're a "people-pleaser" who will say anything to be liked, but I don't think that's what you are saying. If I KNOW someone is trying to provoke me, I guarantee you it'll never happen. Is that phony? Probably, but it's also effective. Can people get to me? Sure, but not if I know that's their goal.
2007-03-27 09:55:00 · answer #3 · answered by David M 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I think you should, at the very least, try to be pleasant to people, becasue I believe that people who are mean are just looking for a reason to hate you, and if you are nice to them, then they can't really have a reason to hate you, so they tend to lose interest in hating you after a while. At leat for most people. Even if they are never nice to you, I believe that if you are nice to them they can never entirely hate you.
But more in line with your question, I do think that people who are too nice can get taken advantage of, I've seen it happen many times. I agree with the user who said to "be wise." That would be my best advice, too. You don't want to put yourself out there too much, people might get the wrong impression. You kind of have to find a balance between nice and mean. Hope that helps!
2007-03-27 09:51:37 · answer #4 · answered by suga_firefly 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As long as your behaviour is genuine, then you shouldn't worry about what others think. I think it's better to err on the side of being 'too nice' than to be 'not nice'.
If someone is trying to provoke you, then maybe your niceness is combined with a bit of something else. ?? If I keep my cool while someone else is trying to get me riled up -- it usually infuriates them. I may play naive, but I know what's happening. It may be a bit of a control thing, but ... whatever!
Nice people rule.
2007-03-27 09:57:14 · answer #5 · answered by ga_morton 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People assume you're fake because they can't imagine being that nice. People are usually to busy and self-absorbed to take the time to be kind to others, so they assume if you're acting that way, you must be trying to gain something from it. Just basic human cynicism. Don't let that stop you. If you consistently show yourself to be that type of person, people will know it's the real you.
2007-03-27 09:49:26 · answer #6 · answered by melissa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I used to be that way too. I have learned that it does not pay to be nice to some people. It is hard to understand but there are some that only respond to being told off. I hate it but thats how it is.
2007-03-27 09:50:19 · answer #7 · answered by MeanKitty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i guess it relies upon the way you classify "too outstanding". My daughter has a pal who became an entire sweetheart-after understanding and preparation her (I teach at their college) I had by no potential heard her yell, swear or say a foul be conscious about everybody. She became continually very quiet and sweet. She became also very naive. She stated the international by potential of the rosiest colored spectacles you may want to imagine. It made me situation for her because she began relationship a boy who became a comprehend liar, cheat, ****** and all round bastard. He advised each man or woman he knew he became only attempting to get her to sleep with him yet she does no longer have self assurance it, and obviously he ended up dishonest on her. i imagine area of it has to do with how she became raised-by extremely conservative father and mother who were by no potential open such as her. She became residing in a bubble, and let human beings insult her and walk throughout her. of course now she is going by potential of her teenage insurrection level it extremely is practically as stressful-ugh! truthfully no longer the sweet toddler I used to understand. So if so I truthfully might want to assert it became a adverse aspect. i do not see your "niceness" as a foul aspect. I truthfully have continually discovered you to be very outstanding, effective and humorous-yet no longer sickeningly outstanding or pretend. So with any success the emailer became complimenting you, because i visit't see how on your case she would see it as some thing adverse. so a ways my little ones are all very compassionate, being concerned, nicely mannered and outstanding-yet no longer to the brilliant the position it style of feels surreal. they're only frequent, sweet, loving kiddos and with any success they're going to stay that way :)
2016-10-17 21:44:19 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunetly, yes it is and some people find it annoying and sometimes with me, when someone is too nice, I feel like I owe them something or I should give them something and Im always trying to hide from them.
2007-03-27 10:24:11 · answer #9 · answered by elivabeth 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. Sometimes we can be to nice to people, especially the rude people who really don't care about anyone but themselves. Just shrug it off -- it's not you it's them.
2007-03-27 15:36:05 · answer #10 · answered by Trillium 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋