Am I with the right person and too young to think about mariage?

Question

I've been dating this girl for 4 months now and I am 20 years old. The relationship has been going pretty well, we have our fights but we deal with it as it comes.

The other day we had a conversation about marriages and she said that she didnt know that if she was the marrying type, that she wanted to be independent first (she is 20 btw), and that she knows that she wants to have a kid but not necessarily have a husband. She told me that she was difficult and that she has certain ways that things must be done.
She said that she doesnt know if she could live with another person because she values personal space alot, and free time. She told me that she would be okay not having a life partner and not having someone to grow old with. That she wouldnt be unhappy because of not getting married.

I know 4 months is early, but I'm afraid that I will be with this person for 3 years and they still wont want to get married when I would. Should I not worry myself about this issue now?

I also dont want to get married right now....I want to wait till i am 25-26...Im not saying now...what Im curious about is if I am with the right person or not or should I be with them for about a few years and then think about marriage.

She also has had a very difficult life in terms of her parents. She siad she first wants to get a house and live on her own for a few years and then think about it. Realistically

Answer 1

i dont think you have to make your decision right now, but at least be aware as you go forward. There is a good chance that your values dont match hers. She could change, but i wouldnt count on it. It sounds like she is not totally in love with you. WHen a person falls in love, they say and do certain things that show it. If someone is not even willing to consider the possibility of spending the rest of their life with you, you may want to start accepting other applications if you know what i mean.

Answer 2

This day and time no one expects a marriage to last more than a few years. It would be nice if the "Until death do us part" still worked and it does in some cases but not that often.

The marriage ceremony is actually a left over from the old days when the wife was the property of the man and the ceremony was the proof of that ownership. Wives were no better than female slaves.

The "marriage" process today should involve only some kind of legal standing while married and for any children produced but when the partners no longer want to be together they should not have to go through what is called "divorce" and both should be responsible for the children produced.

I believe this is what you gf is more or less saying to you. She wants to be with you but not on a permanent bases. She likes her freedom. Doesn't want to be tied down.

There is another alternative as well that is popular now and that is "non-monogamy". Couples are married or live together but have the understanding that they also have intiment relationships with others as well.

You might also check out, polyamorus relationships.

Good luck and don't press the marriage thing she may never come to that point.

Answer 3

Don't worry about the issue quite yet. You both are still very young, and will grow up a lot in the next couple of years. But if there is a point when you want to marry this girl and she doesn't want to marry you, then you have two options.
First you could stay with her and not be married. Some people like it that way, because you don't have all the legal stuff in the way and you especially don't have all the pressure.
Second you could leave her. If you ask and she says no and you stay with her for a couple of more years and she still doesn't want to get married then leave her. If she doesn't want to marry you then you don't need to be sticking around. I watched Dr. Phil about this the other day, where a lady wanted her boyfriend of about 10 yrs to propose to her and he wouldn't. Dr Phil told her to leave him.
If she's not willing then the answer is leave her. Find someone who will want to make that commitment to you and take that extra step!
Good luck! But seriously don't think about marriage right now. Take your time, have fun and be 20. If she's the girl and you know it then what is the rush! Enjoy being young!

Answer 4

I think you should move on & find someone who has the same values as you do.

I mean, basically what she's saying is she doesn't care if she's with you forever or not because she has no problem not growing old with someone.

I think you really need to question whether or not this woman is right for you.

20 is a bit young to be thinkinga bout marriage, but if you're the kind of guy that wants to commit to someone more power to you. I think you really should find someone who shares that feeling, though. Not someone who doesn't care if she gets married or not & doesn't care if she doesn't have a life partner.

If that's the way she feels then your relationship with her is just out of convenience for whatever reason. She doesn't NEED you in her life... so at the first sign of trouble she may just pack her bags & move on without you.

Answer 5

You are still very young to be worrying about marriage, but it seems like this girl doesn't have any interest in marriage..... ever......to anyone. If your long term goal is marriage and children with someone, then why waste your time with this girl? Just my opinion, but I would find someone with life goals and values more compatible with mine. What is really disturbing to me is that she wants kids but no husband. I don't know what your values are but just trying to read between the lines, it seems you don't agree with this philosophy. Unfortunately, by the age of 20, I think most of a person's core values are set. She may not change on that front and how disappointed would you be if you spent years with her and maybe even accidentally ended up with a child and she still won't marry you? It seems like you deserve better than this. Best of luck to you.

Answer 6

If this person means a lot to you and you want to continue a relationship with her, than I wouldn't worry too much. Pursue it for a year or more, and see if she changes her mind. If she doesn't, and marriage is important to you, than that's when I would consider breaking things.

However, if marriage is really important to you and it seems like she has made up her mind on her opinion, I wouldn't waste any more time. I'm not cold hearted or anything, but the longer you stay in a relationship that you want to lead to marriage (but won't according to her) the more heartache you're leading yourself into. If she's dead set on not getting married ever, than you may as well end it and find someone a little more promising.

Answer 7

Lots of girls at the age of 20 don't want to get married. My mother didn't want to get married at 22 when my Dad asked her. They did, however, get married 4 years later when she was more mature and ready for marriage. Three years from now if you're still with this girl, you'll only be 23. Still you shouldn't be in any rush to marry. The average age for men to marry is about 30. You're way too young to be focusing on marriage. Have fun and be young and then figure out if you're still compatible

Answer 8

I think that this is a really good question and an important one too! If you want to have a growing relationship with this person you have to see eye to eye on things as important as whether or not to get married.
She obviously has a problem with commitment, or something like that , because it seems to me that she is afraid of being stuck with someone forever.
I think that you are looking for a lifetime commitment and this will be a big problem for you in the very near future. Why waste your time with someone who might be wonderful and everything but who does not want to spend her life with you?
If marriage really means alot to you (and it should because it's a beautiful thing) than she is probably not someone you should invest alot of time and love into.
Just think about it...

Answer 9

I think that 4 months is too soon to worry about marriage. If this relationship lasts for a while then you have every right to worry about it. Plus with her being 20 she is still young too and she is not really sure what she wants. Just give it time.

Answer 10

It tricky.... you can't tell if a person will change or not. All i can say is, i got married at 18 and although i am happy, I don't think people should get married young. I am 24 now and wish I had spent more time alone. Marriage is hard and I think it is harder when you are young. Just enjoy life.... And if you have arguments already after 4 months..... you most likely will fight alot after marriage....