I need help, i am a 47 year old women, going through a divorce, of my choice?

Question

I look at myself every day and i hate myself so much. I have always hated what i see in the mirror, i lost both my parents within two months of each other, and i never told them i loved them, my upbringing was hard my mother hated me, my father loved me but was never allowed near me. At my age now, i feel lost, ugly, and when something goes right for me, i try and ruin it, i know what i am doing but i cannt stop trying to distroy what i have. i am on Anti depresents which are sort of working. is there anyone else out there who feels like me. people of my age 47. why do i hate myself so much, i know i do, i have no respect what so ever for myself.

Answer 1

Im sorry to hear you feel this way. I myself am recently separated with 5 young children, at the age of 36. My ex slept with 12 other girls whilst with him. Now he is sleeping with an EX best mate, godmother to one of my kids. Felt as bad as you do, but all you can do, is pick yourself up, brush yourself down and get on with life. I took up a sport. Now have a great new circle of friends! Life couldnt be better, and actually glad to see the back of him, not that i felt it at the time. Time DOES really heal. Join a social club where you can meet new people, or get yourself a pet! I hope your feeling better soon! x

Answer 2

Oh Annie, what a really awful time you are having. It's really sad to read how you rmother's inability to love you has impacted, and how harsh you are with yourself now. It seems like all the people close to you are gone, either through death or because you have had to push them away. Anti-depressants can numb things enough to make it possible to carry on, but really you need some good counselling or (preferably) psychotherapy. You might get something through your GP but mostly that means six sessions and it might be good or it might be rubbish - and you need something more long-term. Worth going private if you can afford it, and checking out the BACP, UKCP and BCP websites to find someone properly qualified and registered. You might find that there are charities in your area offering free or low-cost counselling if you don't have the money. Word of mouth is the best recommendation, however, and if you find someone and don't feel comfortable with them, don't stay, try someone else. It's so painful to read how you feel - I really hope you find a way to manage and to do the work you need to do to recover from a difficult childhood.

Answer 3

I am pretty sure you are getting help already, or else you would have not taken anti-depressants. It is clear that you need someone to communicate with, who will actually understand what your feeling and give you support. I really don't know how to answer your question, but if you want to feel pretty than put on pretty things, want to feel happy do things that make you happy, and if you have no respect for yourself, start doing it. Respect yourself, tell yourself you are capable of achieving anything at this age, it never to late, And don't listen to people who might put you down.

Maybe you are feeling like this because you are going through a divorce, its natural to feel this way at this time. Time will past . you have to be strong. Don't worry things won't always be the same, unless you want to. You have to improve yourself, if you want things to change. Don't expect thing to happen by them selves, you have you put work on it, so that things may start to change, it might take a while.

you are a strong women otherwise you would not have share this.

Answer 4

Annie, Been there, done that, know how you feel, felt the same way, let me tell you what I found. What you say when you talk to yourself is vital to your well being, or not as the case may be!! I strongly recommend getting really stuck in to books like "What to say When You Talk to Yourself" by Shad Helmstetter or any books on Creative Visualization. I found these to be a totally amazing source of information and learned slowly how to turn my life around. Dwelling on my problems did me no favours at all, in fact all this did was re-inforce them because I was keeping old wounds open. I really do believe that I had reached a point so low that I had to begin to fight back. The other thing I found was that people around me got the feeling that they couldn't help, no matter what they suggested, so I was losing contact with them and wearing them out. Eventually I regained control through reading and looking forward. I learned not to look back unless that is the direction I want to move in. I told myself that I could make excuses or progress not both. I also realized that if it was to be it was up to me. I now look upon all the tragic things that happened to me as gifts because I can reach out to other people and know that I can help, you can do this too eventually. I stopped beating myself up for the things that were out of my control and made a committment to myself and learned to be proud of my efforts, you can too!!!Go for it Annie and live your life well.
Love, Light and Peace.

Answer 5

I believe that everyone has some sort of control on the way their mind perceives things. you can definitely work your way to a point where you can give yourself some credit for going through a rough time in your life and coming out of it brave!this is life dear! we dont always get what we want...or stay happy all the time. All you have to do is..tell yourself that you are unique and great in your own way...as you have shown patience and tolerance in those difficult times!. Also come out of your shell...go out, socialise with people..make friends...and u'll probably find it easier after a bit of moaning etc to your friends. Plan your life...see what you can achieve at work etc. Be motivated and always keep in mind that being 47 doesnt stop you from having fun...n there is nothing wrong about forties...everyone has to age somehow!!all the best.

Answer 6

Yes you do love. Just by reading a little about your past tells me you need to seek professional help that is your first quest. Hopefully your GP will refer you to the correct people because it seems you have many issues you need to deal with and then get rid!. You cannot carry on feeling the way you do and it will get better, but you must not put this problem off any longer.
Your divorce was your choice, why?. Not being nosey but its obvious your past and such low self-esteem did not help your relationship which am sorry was doomed from day one. So please for your own sanity and your future seek help. Do you and your ex speak?Good luck and make tomorrow your 1st day to a better life.

Answer 7

You have alot on your plate my dear lady.
My heart goes out to you-

I am divorced myself, but I didn't really have a choice,
he left me for another woman,,,who in turn has done the same to him.

You are strong to have endured so much for so long.
Don't be so hard on yourself. Do you feel like you did this? Is it really all you? I think not. There is one thing you need to always remember,,,you HAVE TO let go of the past before you can MOVE ON,,,

definitely talk to someone, a friend, a doctor, a family member you are close to, or a doctor hun,,,,you have a lot of issues you have to mend,,including you.

It will all work out, but quite hating yourself so much,
I love you and I think you are beautiful,,,,,
I don't have to KNOW you, we have similar situations,
you are a friend to me,,,,YOU WILL PULL THROUGH THIS!!!!

Answer 8

I would talk to a medical professional about your feelings. There is no shame in seeking help when you need it most. You have gone through a lot in your life by the sounds of it so talk to someone. Remember that 'we are our own worst critic." I'm sure that you are a great person so why depreive the people around you from the great person you are? There isn't shame in getting help but there is shame if you continue to let yourself feel this way.
I wish you all of the luck in the world.

Answer 9

hi you have had a hard time in the past like me but you have to try and put the past behind you, i have still got a horrible life but i take each day as it comes and hope it will get better.
you know what you see in the mirror is different to what other people see, i think i am ugly but people have said i am not but i feel that way. they say tell your self everyday you are beautiful its hard but i am trying it. i try and help others which makes me feel better inside and i also try and arrange things to look forward too even if it is only dreaming. good luck

Answer 10

Well, you cannot change your past, only the way you decide to look at it. That is entirely your decision and no one else's. You have plenty of years to live ahead of you. And you are the one in charge.
When was the last time you considered what you are good at, what you enjoy doing, what your successes are and have been? I do not believe one second that there are no answers to those questions. But only you can find them. If you want to. Taugh times in life are learning experiences. So you have learned a lot and it is just about time to use that knowledge. Good luck to you.