We have been letting them live with us for a year now and for only $200 a month and they go to the casino all the time. They were kicked out of their previous place and they keep getting rejected from other apartments. I want to raise the rent to 1/2 our mortgage and 1/2 the utilities but my husband thinks that is unfair. But if they have money to gamble... or I want to ask them to leave. the reason we only charged them $200 was so they could get back on their feet and I think they are taking advantage of our genersoity. I wouldnt even be this nice to my own parents. Should I stand my ground on how I feel or am I being unfair?
2007-03-27 08:52:08 · 17 answers · asked by Kelsey r 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Neither.
What you should do is negotiate with your husband on two things: their paying more than they pay now (not 1/2, that's the negotiating part; your first counter-offer was 1/2), and a deadline by which they will have made other arrangements.
Then you communicate those to the in-laws -- maybe have a little more negotiation (just think of them leaving, and forget that they aren't paying their share).
Then stick to it.
During all negotiations, emphasize that it was originally a temporary arrangement.
Also talk about how much energy (and other) costs have gone up, and will continue to go up.
If you are ever planning on having kids, that's a good thing to mention, too.
2007-03-27 16:10:40 · answer #1 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First you and your husband need to be unified with whatever changes you make. If you would like to encourage them more firmly to get a place of their own, make a pot of tea, have everyone meet at the kitchen table, (NO interruptions, no tv, no phones, NOTHING). Let them know that you and your husband are considering the future and what to know what they have planned. Tell them you two have been talking and need to know when they expect to be out so you two can pursue your plans for the future, etc. (children, renovations to the house, whatever). You could possibly make a "contract" with them regarding the results of your talk (like they will be out in six months or a year, whatever). You could also offer to be of more help (if you are having a hard time saving the money, why not give more to rent and you could put $XX into a savings account for them that they won't touch until its time to move). Good luck and God Bless.
2007-03-27 15:59:00 · answer #2 · answered by tersey562 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stand your ground! They are adults and should be looking for a place to live rather than spending their money at casinos.
Your husband should tell them that they have a certain date to get a place otherwise they will have to leave to a motel somewhere. If this is causing problems in your marriage, they need to leave. Hopefully, your husband will have that 'back bone' to tell them.
2007-03-27 15:59:23 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a similar problem. Dump the in-laws and tell your wife If she doesn't like it - she can leave too. They are taking advantage of you both. Your wife's opinion is swayed due to them being her parents. If the are interfering with you life - kick them to the curb. Raising their rent is a good start. They should be paying half of everything. Light, elec, food, etc.
Good luck
2007-03-27 15:59:41 · answer #4 · answered by f20nala06 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say never but I would try to help. Ideally you should've given them time before they even moved in (like you can only stay for 6 months to a year) and stuck to it.
I can almost assure you that to tell them to go would mean great aggravation but do it anyway to save your sanity. You are not being unfair, you're teaching them to be on their own two feet and by doing so you are.
Allowing them to continue does nothing but enable them to be dependent on you.
Best,
G
2007-03-27 18:49:00 · answer #5 · answered by Georgina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ABSOLUTELY stand your ground!!!!! That is was taking advantage! You cannot help someone who will not help themselves. PArents or not. It is very wrong and unfair that your husband would ask you to put up with that. You need to stand your ground. Good Luck. You will have to give your husband an ultimatem.
2007-03-27 15:57:55 · answer #6 · answered by Alisha C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stand your ground and get them out. If your husband has a problem taking your side, he needs to go out the door with them.
2007-03-27 17:22:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answer is NEVER! Regardless of whether or not they got kicked out and "cant find another place" they should not have imposed on you and your life. They took advantage of you from the beginning....tell them to pay up or get out!
2007-03-27 15:57:56 · answer #8 · answered by Kris 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are clearly addicted and you are enabling this addiction. go to al anon and see what they would say! Wow, what a situation... how does your spouse feel about this? I don't know that they are even conscious of their actions because they are probably pretty consumed with that next high from gambling.
2007-03-27 15:57:20 · answer #9 · answered by Lisa A 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh no honey..u are soooo right. Sounds like they are takin advantage of u and ur husband. I would tell ur husband and them how u feel.
2007-03-27 16:09:53 · answer #10 · answered by NickyNawlins 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋