I am in my 30's, single mom with no child support. So I dont' get out alot. When I get to know a guy, I usually just have him over after the kids are in bed. Watch movies or whatever. Well I did meet a guy and we got along.. but I can't afford to go out and pay for a sitter.. so he is coming over tonight for the 2'nd time. He insists he is not 'all about the sex', but I don't believe any guy that says that. Is that cynical of me? Is that me having bagage when I don't believe that a guy is interested in more then sex? Even if I don't have sex with him.... and he still comes over.. I would tend to believe that he is 'working his way in' till I let him have sex with me.. am I wrong here?
If a guy is actually interested in me.... he needs to prove that too me, because I don't readily believe that to be true. But I will give him a chance if I like him. Is that cynical of me? Or just commone sense?
2007-03-27 08:50:24 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
1. Guys want sex with women they are attracted to. That's just the way we are wired.
2. Guys are also interested in having long term relationships with women that interest and challenge them, make them laugh and have common interests.
#1 has nothing to do with #2. Neither are prerequisites for the other nor does either one preclude the other. Sometimes you get both gong on at the same time and other times it's one or the other or neither.
If you don't want sex, don't have sex.
Communicate ... communicate .... communicate.
2007-03-27 09:03:18 · answer #1 · answered by lunatic 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Ouch..
It sounds as though you've had some baggage from the past relationship, and been a little burnt to top it all off with.
I wouldn't consider it cynical that you feel that way. However there are other ways of meeting a gentleman(when low on cash), other than having them over. If it takes packing up the rug rats, and a picnic and heading to the park.
Then at least you know there isn't anything really intimate going to happen to quickly,(especially in front of kids) and it'll teach him to respect you around your children. So when that quiet time does come, you won't feel as though your being set up for failure.
If he doesn't like the idea of doing a "family" date. Then maybe he should offer to pay the way, or go dutch?
The question comes to mind... well what if he isn't ready to deal be around kids. Then I'd let him know.. the package comes complete with an "instant" family.
Then when it all comes down to the basic's.... there was never room for miscommunication.
Good Luck!
2007-03-27 16:01:23 · answer #2 · answered by Lo Lo G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some walls are worth climbing, while others should definitely be knocked down. You have a wall worth climbing in my opinion. You have every right to be concerned. There is nothing wrong with being on your toes. There are a lot of men who are out for one thing only and they are usually easy to spot and figure out. It's not difficult to wade through shallow minds. However, benefit of the doubt should be given to those who you can't easily figure out. Your safety and the safety of your child (children) is very important, especially when allowing someone to come over. You are not being cynical. Sex is a very sacred act and should be kept that way. Just be aware of those who don't see it that way. Also, to be honest, having the companionship of a man in your life right now is not the most important thing. Raising your children in a loving and safe environment is. Yes, mommy needs alone time, I totally understand, however, never compromise the security of your childrens life or your own for some guy who is not serious about sticking around for more than sex. Make sure your heart and mind are communicating so that you make good decisions.
Take care and I wish you the best.
2007-03-27 16:08:10 · answer #3 · answered by Goober W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have been hurt and you don't trust and that is just how you feel; however, you seem to be your own worst enemy not men. You don't trust therefore you won't let a good man in and you believe that all men seem to be only out for sex because maybe this is what has happen in the past; however you can't live your life in the past because it's not fair to a man that God has sent your way not wanting sex but just wanting you for who you are which you will never know because you dismiss them before you get a chance to really know that person. Don't get me wrong, some men are only just out for sex and nothing more but when you meet a guy and he starts talking about sex or his penis size or other sexual things then thank him for dinner and don't be bother with him again. There are actually some really great guys out there who aren't interested in having sex 24\7 and they aren't gay either. You have to trust who you are 1st and then gradually learn to trust men again. God Bless
2007-03-27 16:02:50 · answer #4 · answered by sharethalove 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have been hurt before, and I think you are using your wisdom. If this person truly loves you and is interested in you then the sex will not be important. Not all men want to rush women into bed on the first night. Give him the benefit of the doubt though and assume he is not there just for the sex. Do you know it takes two to say yes, and if he gets upset you wont give out then you know why he is there, you've been there before and done that by the sound of it. As I said use your intuition, you are the only judge. Good luck. There are lots of nice guys out there who respect women and don't want to take advantage.
2007-03-27 15:57:51 · answer #5 · answered by Dr Paul D 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They're not all like that and you're right on the line between the two to me.
Hey, I was where you are now a couple years ago, I actually ended up finding the perfect man for me on Yahoo Personals (neither of us is into long stupid walks on the beach because we hate vacuuming the car, lol) and it's because I was straight up in my profile about who I was and that I was looking for friendship, because to me if you don't have friendship with the person you're with then you don't really have anything. After all, looks fade over time whereas a heart can be young forever.
Give him a chance but be careful please if you don't know him that well and you're having him over because there are some guys out there who are a bit "off"
2007-03-27 16:00:13 · answer #6 · answered by themaniccrafter 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In this day and age, it's probably more common sense than not. Nonetheless, there are guys (like myself), who are not only out for sex. We actually do care about a woman's dignity, and taking her virginity before marriage is only going to tarnish that. A man should respect a woman and taking advantage of her is nothing more than a disregard for someone amazingly beautiful. If a guy really cared for you, he would wait. Some guys have been taught wrong, and it's everyone's responsibility to help them. Don't give up. Stay strong for your kids. They may be grown men one day, and how you show them you expect a man to act around you is just the type of man they will become.
2007-03-27 15:58:09 · answer #7 · answered by Patrick G 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sad to say, but yes. We are pretty much out for the sex. Does this guy have any kids of his own?? I have no kids, and was recently dating a single mom with 2 kids. Mostly I was just trying to be there for her to jump my bones. I had no long term plans with her, because I'm not even sure I want my own kids, especially not someone else's. I figured she might just want a little "fun", and thought I'd be the guy there to provide it. I made no overt advances though -- I let her make the moves on me. I made sure I didn't make any promises, or ever lead on that we'd be together for a long time. I'm quite good looking I'm told, so I basically just let her use me. It's a service I provide!
2007-03-27 15:57:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should approach any new relationship with healthy skepticism. Force him - and anybody, really - to prove that he or she deserves your trust.
First, why no child support? Get the money for your kids' sakes.
Second, you realize you are sending mixed signals. Telling a guy to come over after the kids are in bed could be misinterpreted. Why risk it? If he's interested in you (and not the sex), he'll spring for a babysitter. Just YOU agree to go easy on dinner!
If he says no to paying for the babysitter, then you have your answer.
2007-03-27 15:57:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, your just alert guys dont like alert gals cuz it means they run the risk ov been found out. So yh common sense but not everyone has it.
maybe 20% of guys are out for sex the 20% Girls love Guys hate well guys like me do makes me so angry to find out a girl has been messed about guy pr nefing like that really bothers me. I reckon you need to find the 70% and realise you need someone who suits you. He's out there just GO GET HIM....
Ooooooo and the most important person in all this is you the fact your a mum and uve got a child to look after :)
Goodluck
But the answer to ur question nah the good guys aint after Sex
Your just clever
2007-03-27 15:57:22 · answer #10 · answered by Ben 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋