Weve been together for 5 years and have a 2 yr old daughter together, but he is so layed back, i dont think he will ever get round to asking me!!
Any ideas?
2007-03-27 08:42:26 · 62 answers · asked by pip 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
First off ignore all the people that say you shouldn't get married. That wasn't your question.
If you want to marry him and have already done the "let's go look at rings" when you're at the mall dance. Talk to him. Tell him you'd like to get married and see what he has to say. Don't be afraid to speak up. You’re not going to ruin the proposal surprise; you're just putting it out there. You’re talking about the rest of your life together. It’s all about communication.
2007-03-27 09:21:06 · answer #1 · answered by Melyssa F 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You could ask him yourself, there's nothing wrong with that. But if you've already brought up the topic and he's hesitating purposefully, asking him won't help, it will just hurt you when he says no. If you know in your heart he wouldn't say yes to you if you asked you have two options:
1) The dreaded ultimatum- tell him that without more commitment you are not getting what you need from the relationship and if he can't give it to you, you want to split up- this can lead to a lot of heartbreak, tears, and you may ultimately end up broken up (no one likes to be forced, particularly men!)
2) wait until he's ready. This is really hard, trust me, I did it too. My husband and I were together for 5 years before he asked me to marry him (and we had been talking about it since year 2!) There were many times I wanted to give up and felt "if he doesn't want to marry me now, then he never will", but I was wrong! We are happily married now. And you know, as soon as he put that ring on my finger, he never questioned himself again. He just needed to wait until he was ready, and I needed to respect that.
Of course, you need to think of yourself and your child in all of this as well. So if it gets to be too much, you have to decide when it's right for you to leave (I think you'll know when that is- you just won't feel like trying anymore- I almost made it to that point)- but if you are happy together now and you love him deeply, then he is worth the wait. Good luck!!!
2007-03-27 08:52:32 · answer #2 · answered by jessamess 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
After giving several hints throughout the time, I finally caught him one day after work when he was getting ready to get in the shower and showed him a calendar and said pick a date. Of course he asked for what? I said we are getting married what date would you like within the next year. I told him I needed at least 6 months to plan it and that spring would be a great time of year. He said the last week in March and I picked April 1st. We have been happily married a year on Sunday!!!! Good Luck!! My husband is real laid back also and could care less married or not!!!
2007-03-27 08:51:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It probably won't happen. My ex had a girlfriend for 8 yrs and nothing. I was with him for 2 1/2 yrs and if a ceratin thing hadn't happened he said that he would've married me within the first 2 months. Just because you guys have a family together, doesn't mean he's ready to make it an official home. He's either not ready, hasn't thought about it, doesn't want to or is waiting for the right moment/person (not saying you aren't). Have you talked about it with him? Maybe he doesn't know how you feel. Let him know.
2007-03-27 08:49:16 · answer #4 · answered by batchick5 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I cannot believe one answerer suggested using your daughter to get him to do that... sorry please dont' do that as that would make you dispicable.
Can you answer me this... why do you want to get married? I'm assuming not on religious grounds or you wouldn't have a child first, so financial ones?
In all honesty if this is the reason, then rather than broach the subject of marriage, talk about wills and parental responsibility in case one of you or both of you dies, god forbid. This way if he asks why you are thinking about it, then you can tell him matter of factly that because you are not married then these things need to be taken even more seriously. But you don't need to marry for these things to be addressed and resolved.
2007-03-27 08:50:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I do feel for you, I was with my man for five years too although we don't have a child. He only proposed to me last month and it has been a difficult journey: A lot of whining, threatening to leave him if he didn't do the deed, comparing him to other people, long long hurtful conversations. It was tough but he proposed in the end after I had given up. All I can say it to keep on at him and eventually he will breakdown and ask you.
2007-03-29 04:38:01 · answer #6 · answered by Pearl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you've been together 5 yrs.and have a daughter you should be able to ask him anything.
Therefore in a nice romantic way ask him to marry you.Nothing wrong with that at all.
2007-03-27 08:55:05 · answer #7 · answered by sonnyboy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only advise I can offer is not to rush him. He will ask when he gets ready. If you try to push too much, he will back down so much that eventually he will back out of the relationship...But if you just need to know his thoughts on marriage, bring it up in a casual conversation without seeming too desparate. See what his views are on it and from his response you SHOULD be able to tell if he is ready or not to make such a huge commitment to you. Good luck!
2007-03-27 08:51:53 · answer #8 · answered by shawny2623 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask him. There's no room for being girly and shy in this day and age. Men often don't think of these things and since you've already given him a child anyway, he probably won't think it matters whether you're married or not.
Don't use your child to blackmail him into marrying you though, that's not fair. It's got to be his choice. If he doesn't want to, he'll always resent you if you put pressure on him.
2007-03-27 08:52:15 · answer #9 · answered by kpk 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
DONT!! I dont mean dont get married, but dont push him or itll end in tears. Marriage is for lifetime so you both have to be 100000% ready for it. I was with my fella 5 1/2 years before he proposed and another 2 years before the actual day but he knew by that time he was really ready
2007-03-28 02:36:02 · answer #10 · answered by Secret Squirrel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋