Moral dilemma!!! Intruding nephew. What should I do?
I just got married on Feb 17 to my fiance of 4 years. Right before this his 21 yearold nephew came out of nowhere and asked my husband to help him get a job. My husband hired him. He would rarely make it to work on time or show up at all. He than asked to move into our house after the wedding so he could get himselg in a position to save money and make it to work. That was the plan. He goes out and parties all the time and still is rarely making it to work. My husband is in a very high position in his company and this is making him look bad. I told my husband that the situation is not working and the kid needs to leave. He tells me I can leave. He comes in at all hours whenever he feels like it. He hasnt given me any money for bills or food and he is a complete slob and wont clean up after himself much less offer to do any daily chores. I also believe he is doing drugs. What should I do? I cant help but think that my brand new marraige is coming to a quick end!
2007-03-27 08:23:12 · 24 answers · asked by vegasgirl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Wait - your husband told you that YOU can leave? He is choosing his no account nephew over his brand new bride? wow. That is so surprising. Where is the nephew's family? His parents or siblings? He needs to go and freeload off of someone else for a while and let you two get your marriage under control. If your husband wants you to call his bluff, then find a place you can go for a week or a weekend, and see how he likes it having to live with, clean up after, and buy food for the slob.
2007-03-27 08:30:29 · answer #1 · answered by Sweet n Sour 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Stop saying anything bad about the Nephew. Give your husband time to see it all himself. You may think he sees it now, but pointing it out just makes you look like you are picking on him.
Leave the messes the kid leaves (no matter how much it bugs you). Don't do the daily chores for 3 people, do the 2/3 of the work. Leave stuff undone, because your house guest is putting more work on you doesn't mean you can actually do it all. Nicely ask your husband to mention to the nephew to clean up a mess or two that the Nephew doesn't pick up on his own.
When your husband complains about the Nephew listen, and stick up for the Nephew. He is only 21 after all ;-)
Your husband will not do anything about the situation until it affects him, so let it affect him.
Maybe talk to your husband about establishing house guest rules, so that when your friends/family comes to visit you are both on the same page.
2007-03-27 09:09:12 · answer #2 · answered by thesunshineking 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First off, you should be the #1 priority in your husband's life at all times. If he's putting his freeloading, irresponsible nephew ahead of you, then there's a problem in your marriage.
I'm sure he's under stress and doesn't want to have to fire his nephew or kick his nephew out, but it shouldn't be a "you should leave if you don't want him here" situation. Stress or no stress, YOU should be his top priority.
If he can't see that, then you really should reconsider this marriage. It's brand new and he's already treating you like an afterthought. I can only imagine what your marriage will be like in 5 years, or even 5 months.
You should suggest marriage counseling before your brand new marriage does come to a quick end. If he's not willing to do that, then let the marriage go. It's far easier to admit you've made a mistake (even a large one!), and move on, then to live miserably.
2007-03-27 10:01:08 · answer #3 · answered by ms. teacher ft 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not good that your husband has chosen the nephew over you. Maybe you should do as he says, and leave. Not forever, but just move in with a friend or relative until the nephew goes. If your husband really loves you, he'll see what he's done wrong and kick the nephew out to get you back. If he doesn't, then you know he really doesn't value or respect you.
2007-03-27 08:29:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Theres got to be some other history here that your husband feels a loyalty and responsibility to take care of this kid. So lets say he promised h is dying grandma to help out......keep that in the back of your mind, as you approach your hubby a little differently.... the idea is, you are not helping him if he is drugging, sleeping and missing work. Lots of kids are 21 and sloppy, looking for a mom to pick up after them. Unfortunately, he has to grow up. Appeal to your husbands sense of teaching and helping the kid become a real adult and setting some reasonable limits to achieve that.....Also....stop cleaning up after h im... let your dear husband come home to the mess and the chaos...he probably doesn't see it as an inconvenience, because you have buffered him from it...get very busy for a time and let your hubby deal with him....if that doesn't work in about a week...your marriage is in trouble girl....
2007-03-27 15:59:04 · answer #5 · answered by Sweetserenity 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your husband need to have a good old fashioned sit down talk. If your husband is going to choose his nephew over you you need to know now. But before being drastic, find out what your husband is thinking about the whole situation. You've been pretty clear what you wrote here, so just use this and ask your husband how his work feels about the situation, and how he feels about how his nephew is abusing his hospitality, etc. Good luck and God Bless.
2007-03-27 08:48:22 · answer #6 · answered by tersey562 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get the nephew out of your house or I would leave.
Your husband needs to get a backbone and tell him to go.He's going to end up looking very rediculous himself if he doesn't do something about his nephews work ethics soon also.
If he has such a high position at work he would be doing everything he could to get his nephew to shape up on the job.
He can't think too much of you my dear if he tells you to leave and lets his nephew stick around and do whatever he please.
I would rethink my position in this household.Doesn't sound too promising to me but I wish you all the best.
It's time for a good talk with this new husband of yours before you invest anymore into this relationship.
2007-03-27 08:38:16 · answer #7 · answered by sonnyboy 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Take your new husband's advice and move out until the nephew moves out. Your husband is self destructing. You're leaving might just be a jar enough to make him realize what all he can loose because of his nephew. If he doesn't realize or worse yet, doesn't care that he lost you, you are better off.
2007-03-27 09:07:26 · answer #8 · answered by Carol D 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is basically telling you that his nephew is more important to him than his wife is. Your nephew (by marriage) sounds like a total loser with no future. I'm not sure why your husband is letting him keep his job if its making him look bad. If your husband is being that much of a jerk I say that him looking bad at work can be payback for how bad he's treating you. If my husband did what your is doing believe me I wouldn't be the one being told to leave....it would be him. Stand up to this jerk.....uh I mean your husband.
2007-03-27 08:41:58 · answer #9 · answered by Kimmy 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If your husband has actually told you that you can leave instead of him, it sounds like it may surely be coming to an end. The nephew is nothing more than a leech and is completely using the kindness of your husband to be able to do whatever he wants. If it were me, I would leave and find out where your spouses heart really is.
2007-03-27 08:36:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋