im a lesbian and have a daughter from a previous straight relationship. my daughter is 13 and ive been with my partner for nearly 8 years we have had our ups and downs but just lately my daughter has been stealing from my partners mum ( who is a very nice lady) the first time she took £80 quid the second time she took an eyore pen, now i no its only a pen but she still took it without asking and my partner was the one who found it missing, my partner was brought up around kids that didnt steal e.t.c and my partner cant deal with it now she wants me and not my daughter. i love my partner and dont want to lose her what can i do or say to put things right for all of us? my daughter did love my partner im not sure now thou.
2007-03-27 08:18:15 · 22 answers · asked by munchkin 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I would have a talk with your daughter to find out why she is doing what she is doing? What is the real reason for her behaviour? Ask how she is feeling and why she is feeling the way she is?
I think your partner should lighten up and start asking what can we do to improve things, instead of being a ***** toward your child. You all need to resolve the problem together and in a calm a rational fashion.
Maybe your partner is the one with the problem?? Maybe it is sexual awakening or tension between the two of them, masquerading as anger...
2007-03-30 00:28:26 · answer #1 · answered by Boston Bluefish 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ughhh. 13 is no fun. My girl is 16 now, but 13 was tough. I am sure you have raised her to be strong and seek independence. I think it is normal for a child to rebel and when a parental figure is in the picture that she doesn't share blood with, then she will make excuses to to bad things.
You partner is the adult and must realize your daughter is a child going through her search for her own identity. While this drives us all mad, it is something that some children do.
Hopefully your partner understands it is a phase. While it is no fun, hopefully she will grow out of it. Your daughter also should be punished when she does things wrong and told again and again, the rules of the house.
If you have not looked into counseling, now maybe a good time. Unfortunately, she may be getting more stress at school due to having lesbian parents.
Anyway, good luck.
May not seem like it now, but you will survive and your baby girl will come back!
PS
if your partner is asking you to make a choice, you as a parent, should know that even her asking such a thing is reason to throw her butt out.
2007-03-27 15:30:12 · answer #2 · answered by my_thoughts 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to hear your daughter has began to steal from your partner. Firstly may i say your daughter should be the most important person in this matter. I would speak with her find out the reason behind this it could be rebellious for all different reasons. Your daughter is at that difficuolt stage in her life where she needs guidance patience and understanding. Picture for one moment her feelings in this, as obviously what you wish to do with your life is your business. But your daughter has to be top priority no one would or should stand in your way. Your daughter is ur flesh and blood relationships come and go. Think and ask urself why at this age its starting to affect her behaviour. The final advice is if anyone can ask you to choose between them and a partner are not worht your time love or devotion dont even begin to think of ever letting your daughter go because of someone who sounds very selfish with no thought for a young person who may i add is an innocent party in this relationship Wish you luck but think long and hard your daughter is your responsibity.
2007-03-27 15:50:04 · answer #3 · answered by Mary l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but your daughter is the most important thing here. No matter how silly she was, you need to put her first. First, maybe you should ask why she stole from your partner's mother? Sort out why she did it.
On the other hand, i can't believe your partner would dislike your daughter or snub her just because of that silly stealing.
You need to make your partner understand that it is not a question of does your partner like your daughter. You and your daughter come as a package, she can't pick and choose what she wants.
I speak from experience, when i was about 14/15, my mum had been re-married from a few years back but i started to get the feeling that my stepdad didn't like me, though he obviously loved my mum, and just wanted her. I was very hurt and began to rebel by being rude to him and distancing myself.
It sounds stupid now but you must make sure that your daughter doesn't get this feeling from your partner. I think you should nip this all in the bud as fast as you can, by talking to both your daughter and your partner separately.
Hope that helped and hope everything works out for you and your family.
Good luck!! :]
Xxx
2007-03-27 15:48:37 · answer #4 · answered by Curiousity killed the cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter is at a difficult age- adolescence is not easy. Perhaps she wants your attention? Could you perhaps spend some time alone with her, go shopping, or have a day out somewhere that she'd like? Your daughter is still dependant on you, and will need you for many years. You shouldn't have to choose between her and your partner, but if it comes to that, your daughter should be top priority, above anyone else.
2007-03-27 15:47:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Iwould have a nice heart to heart with your daughter to find out why shei s doing what she is doing? What is the real reason for her behaviour? Ask your child how she is feeling and whyshe is feeling the way she is? I think your partner should lighten up and start asking what can we do to improve things, in stead of being a b8itch toward your child. You all need to resolve the problem together and in a calm a rational fashion. Maybe your partner is the one with the problem??
2007-03-27 15:27:54 · answer #6 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sad question and more sad is the only answer I can think of to give ... your partner has to go. First off, your daughter is not acting in an acceptable manner, but as a mother of 4, she's being a normal teenager ... who needs to have some kind of consequences to her actions! Don't forget that! But your partner cannot ask you to choose between them or your kid! That question cannot be asked of you by anyone, your kids are yours forever ... Even when you may even want to be rid of them, lol! Your partner is not being fair to you. In fact they are being a bit childish themselves! Good luck to you my friend! The world is tough out there.
2007-03-30 15:07:08 · answer #7 · answered by sebkls 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off your daughter is old enough to know better. I do not blame your partner for being pissed. As a father I would not tolarate that behavior. First thing to do is talk to your daughter to find out why. then ground her. pull your partner in to the converation and if your partner does not join in its over. I say try first. All the best
2007-03-27 15:31:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't matter how your partner feels, this is your daughter you are talking about. All kids go through problems, get her help and deal with it. DO NOT choose this woman over your child. If she can't stick with you and help with this, you don't need her. You have a responsibility to your child not her. I am straight, but I would never choose anyone over my daughter. Best Wishes.
2007-03-27 15:24:23 · answer #9 · answered by Melanie 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well you need to sit your dauther down and have a good talk with her and ask her why she is doing this. I don't know about you but I was told in life your kids come fist no matter what. I know a guy who had a girl in his frist relationship but then his wife died and then he found a new wife. The only problem was that the daughther was a real brat with the new wife. The wife told her husband that it was her or his daughther. He endend up leaving his new wife but in the end your kids come frist. No matter what. You have to be a mom first.
2007-03-27 15:25:58 · answer #10 · answered by Hot asain mama 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋