To have a 3rd or not?

Question

I'm going thru a debate w/i myself about whether or not to have a 3rd child. I've had MANY issues trying to find a method of birth control that'll work and the only one I know will work is abstinence, but my husband has an issue w/ that one! We're not financially ready to have a 3rd one and I'm afraid that by the time I AM ready, I'll be too old. (I really don't want to be in my 30's and having a baby. Ugh!) I'm 27 now, so we've only got a few years to decide, but I'm torn. I can't find a birth control that works for me (I forget to take the pills; the patch causes me painful cysts; the depo shot caused me to bleed for 1 1/2 yrs after having my 1st child, etc.) and I feel that if I get my tubes tied, I'll always wonder if I made the right decision. My in-laws would love nothing more than for us to have another baby, but my 2nd child has been so draining on me mentally, emtionally and physically that I'm not sure if I can handle another. Any opinions would be appreciated! Thanks!

Answer 1

I just recently (Dec '06) had my third child. I have two boys and now my little girl! My hubby and I were back and forth before we had her. He wanted one, I didn't, then I did and he didn't. Well, you know what happened - we got pregnant. That solved that. I wasn't using any birth control, b/c like you - I couldn't find one that worked for me. We are by no means financially secure, quite the opposite. I am so tired and emotionally drained also - but you know what - I wouldn't trade it for the world. Having kids is SO rewarding. I love all 3 of them so much! I'm glad we had our third child.
I would not get your tubes tied since you are having so much debate on this issue. My hubby and I are done now though - he got fixed!!!
Good luck on your decision!

Answer 2

For family happiness, let us not try abstinence. The larger question is: Do you WANT another child? Does another child fit into your family planning? It sounds as though you only think you may decide to have another at another time........and, you seem to think you would be too old to have a new baby by then. People are having babies later in life, on purpose, a lot, these days. Of course, with no birth control available, ladies used to have them until they were 41 or 42. (I was born, on purpose I'm told, when my mother was 41).
What would happen if your husband was asked to use a condom? I mean, wouldn't that be pretty safe?

Answer 3

Wow, you are in the exact same position I am in right now. I am 30 have 2 wonderful, but mentally draining kids and I always wanted a 3rd, but now I am also debating whether or not to because of the work and most of all the finances. I have 2 girls and man are they expensive, with the clothes, activities and dance class's, there's not much $$ left over for a 3rd. My husband wants a 3rd child but wants to wait until we have more $$, but my clock is ticking too, and I don't want to wait until my kids are grown before having more. My husband agreed to have a vasectomy once we are done. It is a minor procedure that they go home after with 2 band aids after about an hour 1/2. Problem is for a lot of men, they don't want to do it for macho reasons, I am glad I don't have that problem with my husband.
The best thing to do is to talk to your husband and explain how you feel. Look over your finances and see what you could cut back on and start saving. Time wise, talk to your husband and ask him to help out with little things, just so you don't feel so drained. My SIL said that 3 kids is not that much tougher than 2, that you just get used to it, so time-wise things will probably fall into place. My husband and I are sorting out our finances and hopefully will decide soon what we want, because for me, once my kids are all in school, I want to go back to school and finish my RN, so the sooner I finish my family the better, I cannot see my self starting over again once my youngest gets much older.

Answer 4

I can't say that 30 is old. I had 2 girls in my 20's. I thought that was enough, although later my husband and I tried to have another, hoping to get a boy. My husband died, and eventually I met another man, I have to say we are the proud parents of a 2 1/2 year old boy and by the way my daughters are 21 and 19 now. I was 40 when I had him, and he is the best and the easiest of all the kids. I think alot of it has to do with my maturity as well as any other possibilities.

Answer 5

If you are only 27 and already have 2 kids, you have PLENTY of time. Wait until you are more financially stable. See what happend in 3-4 years- you will only be 30-31. Nothing wrong with having a baby in your thirties. Some of my friends are having their first at 35.

Answer 6

I can't really say if having another baby is right for you or not, but I can tell you I had two kids in my 30's one at 31 and one at 36.... and waiting later is not a bad thing at all. My pregnancies in my 30 were easier than my other two...But I can tell you if your already getting tired maybe you your meant to be a mom of two!! having my four is very tiring at times. and birth control never worked for me. My husband had a vasectomy.....

Answer 7

Definitely it is better for the children to wait until you are ready and prepared emotionally and financially for a third child.

How does the sponge work for you? If that works, combine that with your husband using a condom. That way, if he breaks the condom, the sponge is a good backup. But, if your husband wants sex, then he should wear a condom.

Have you tried the O-ring? That may be something to look into.

Answer 8

I agree with the vasectomy option. It is reversible if you want to have kids later, and it is less painful for him than it was for you to suffer thru the depo shot. As a man, i'd advise the vasectomy. it's the least invasive, and it'll let you two be more spontaneous.

Answer 9

Geez, Louise!
I had triplets 11/4, I was 44 1/2

27, you have plenty of time to wait

Answer 10

i am the same way i have 2 wonderful children and cant fins any birth control either but we decides for my husband to get fixed vasectomy