my family does't drink, his does what do i do about the wedding?

Question

My family is very religious and because of our past doesn't tolerate alcohol AT ALL. My fiance's family drinks and his parent are both alcoholics, and smokers. My parents want us to have a dry wedding or no wedding cause they won't pay for it. (and my fiance's family is extremely stingy, not that they don't have money cause they do it just that they want to keep it for themselves.) His parents also don't understand why my parents . SoI have no idea what to do? I'm trying to figure it out cause I have a wedding to plan..or not. HELP!

Answer 1

OK, I've never heard of anyone doing this but it just popped into my head.

Does the alcohol have to be SERVED?

There are BYOB parties and restaurants with cork charges... What if you suggest that his family buy a case of champaigne or wine (maybe not hard stuff) and bring it themselves. Or you and your fiancee could pay for the case out of your own pockets but give it to them as a gift the day before the wedding and explain that since your family is paying for your wedding they weren't willing to pay for alcohol to be served. But you wanted them to be comfortable too, so you've arranged with the venue for it to be ok for them to bring THIS case of wine (but not more).

Is that crazy? That way your folks aren't paying for it and his family is happy. Also the case would limint how much they have available to drink.

You might want to tell your family that you've agreed that they can bring a small amount of wine to the reception or something, so they're not surprised that day. Delicate balance for sure.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Have a small ceremony in the morning, and then a late morning celebration like a brunch. That way you could have just champagne for the toasts, but coffee and juice for the rest.
I think it is well and good for everyone to have their strong opinions, and when it comes down to it marriage is not just between the couples, but a symbolic joining of the families, even if they never end up spending much time together. If you do not make an effort to solve this (which you are obviously trying to do) then you are unlikely to be happy on the day when you know his side or your side are insulted. It does not matter whose side has money and whose does not, it is their money and not yours so is irrelevant.

The other choice is to ask each member a suggestion of how to SOLVE the problem, so they all feel they had a say, and then do it how you both want. Your family do not have to drink the alcohol. If his parents are alcoholics, this is a serious disease and it may be that they need help to get treatment for it. If you mean they are just regular drinkers, that is different. If they have a disease then I would consider putting off the wedding for a year and helping them to seek help for it.

You have alot of difficult issues to deal with, and part of a marriage will be the two of you working together for this. Many couples have difficult hurdles however, and true love does help to work it out!
Our problem was we lived in different countries and neither family could travel for various reasons, and each side wanted the wedding in their country. We ended up eloping for the ceremony itself, then had a recommittment wedding celebration with each family in their own country.
The best of luck to you.

Answer 3

I say since your parents are paying for the wedding that you have a dry wedding reception and if his parents and family want to go party after the reception at their own houses, etc they can. You should also think of this, if the wedding reception is dry you won't have to worry if someone were to get drunk and into an accident on the way home from your reception you could be held responsible (in some states legally) for having served the alcohol (and you may feel responsible morally anyway). So look on that as the bright side of a dry wedding when you know certain guests like to drink. Anyone who can't go that long without alcohol should be in a rehab center and probably won't come anyway. Good luck to you and God Bless your marriage.

Answer 4

Your parents need to copmpromise a little here. They aren't being fair. I can understand not being willing to pay for the alcohol, but to pull out from paying for anything at your wedding because of the alcohol? Not logical.

See if his parents will foot the bar bill, even though they're stingy. If they won't and you can't try to find a happy medium. You could do drink tickets or a keg behind the bar to limit expense, or do no open bar at all and just let your guests pay.

Congrats and Happy Planning!

Answer 5

Compromise. The wedding will be held at a church where there will of course be no liquor. Have the reception at a hall where the food etc. is catered and a bar is available. If a person wants a drink other than non spiked punch or iced tea they can go over to the bar and purchase it. In other words your parents can still pay for the wedding without buying any alcohol for those who wish to drink. Usually the prices at these catering places for drinks on an individual pay as you go basis tend to deter people from drinking very much.

Answer 6

A friend of mine went through the same dilemma. She had a mini bar set up on the side of the grooms family since they liked to drink, but set it at a bar minimum. Its a hard situation because you don't want to disappoint your parents and anger your new inlaws. You can have a dry wedding - I've been to one, which was nice.

Some banquet halls have a bar which they can purchase drinks at - OR, you can have an open cash bar - that might stir them away from drinking if they have to pay for it.

Good luck.

Answer 7

If your family is paying for it then the guests on either side(groom's or bride's) need to understand that if you dont have alcohol..then you dont. Its your big day and if the two families are going to feud over something so silly and something that can be so easily overlooked...then take a second look at who you really want there. The question should be do YOU and your fiance want alcohol. Its your wedding not anybody else's. and you need to stand up to your family about that issue as well. Dont let something so ridiculous as this get you down...YOU decide what you want...and talk it over with your fiance.

Answer 8

If your parents are paying, you need to respect their wishes and have a dry wedding. Set a date for a second reception for the not-so-religious folks and go Irish wake that day! Or, have the non-dry wedding party later in the evening. Just make sure no one has to drive home afterwards. This is no reason to not follow through on planning a wedding, since if you have the wedding as a dry one, anything that happens later is YOUR business as an adult.

Answer 9

You simply inform the parents-in-laws to be that there is no drinking at the reception. If they have an issue with this, inform them that one day without alcohol isn't going to kill them. You could let them know that your parents' stipulation for paying for the wedding includes that there be no alcohol at the reception. There really shouldn't be much of an issue and if there is, you should reconsider wanting to be apart of such a family. Thank you and may GOD bless.

Answer 10

You and your finance' are the final opinions unless your parents are footing the bill. If you are comfortable without, them by all means go without. I have been to many weddings without alcohol, they are beautiful. Shoot for an early afternoon time as most drinkers don't until the late afternoon or evening. Otherwise just do a small intimate family only affair or elope.