My best friend of 8 years was in my wedding back in 2000. She is finally engaged and I was shocked when I found out I wasn't in the wedding. That hurt my feelings but what upsets me more is her fiancee's two sisters are in it and doing NOTHING. One lives across the country and the other is 4hrs away. The bide's sister is the maid of honor and has been coming to me for everything. The shower is at my Dad's house, I'm making food, getting the wine, and helping with lists. I have a hard time not having an attitude when I'm doing all this work and I'm not even in the wedding. I want to do nice things for my friend but it's hard when the bridesmaids that were chosen are doing nothing. To add insult to injury, my friend never explained to me why she didn't ask me. How do I make myself happy for her and contribute to the wedding?
2007-03-27 07:44:26 · 24 answers · asked by Lanna P 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
OMG, the samething happend to me. Except when my firends sister asked me for help with the shower, I ever so politely declined. It's a tough situation. It's ok to have an attitude, I know i would. If they ask anything else of you, tell them, where are her bridesmaides, and why aren't they doing anything.
2007-03-27 08:00:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Often times a very close person (friend) of the bride is not chosen to participate in the bridal party. For what reason, I don't know but I do know that you are being used! All the work you are doing should be done by the brides sister (maid of honor) NOT YOU! I would ask your best? friend outright why you were not chosen to participate in her wedding other than what you are already doing which should be being done by her maid of honor.
As for doing something to make you happy, talk with her about how you feel and tell her that everything you have contributed thus far would not have been completed without your help! This should widen her eyes and clear out her head - at least for a while.
2007-03-27 08:13:18 · answer #2 · answered by lilbit48vmb 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest talking to her. She probably knows that she has friends that are hurt by not being bridesmaids, but since she hasnt talked to you about it, you should bring it up gently. She may just family to be in the wedding party and by making her FI sisters bridesmaids, it may make her new family relations easier. In this case, honesty is the best policy and if you just explain to her that you feel like you have been doing alot of work and are wondering why you weren't a bridesmaid. If you have been friends for the better part of a decade, then she can atleast understand your feelings and try to let you in on how she made decisions.
-Does she have other friends that have been frinds for this long/this close besides you? Maybe she didnt want to have to choose between like 10 of you guys who have all been close and decided to take an easy way out and just pick family.
2007-03-27 08:04:46 · answer #3 · answered by Nicole 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The question caught my eye because my best fiend is getting married and surprisingly enough I am not in her wedding either..She chose to go with family rather than to have friend against friend by chossing one over the other..At first, yes I was mad because I know I woud have her inmy wedding in a heartbeat, but you know what , the mature thing to do, is to continue to jus tbe her friend, because even though you are not int he wedding it means more that you are still willing to help out and that makes all the difference. My friend explain tome that family would be best and as her friend i have to except that and support her decision as a friend would and as you should as well, cause think about it , if you made a fuss ans a stink about not being in her wedding, do you still think she would consider you as being a good friend? Probably not right?, so just be as supportive as you can for her on her wedding day. I know I will!!!! Good luck and God bless
2007-03-27 08:47:44 · answer #4 · answered by shawny2623 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like maybe she wanted something small in the way of a bridal party and family almost always gets put in over friends in this case.
If you are her best friend and are as close as you say you are then just respect her wishes or even tactfully ask her about it (not sure if there is a tactful way but you know your situation better then the rest of us). Do what best friends do, keep being her friend and helping her out. Look at is this way, you don't have to fork out for an ugly *** dress that you will never wear again but you get to be an integral part of her very important day, and it obviously wouldn't be the same without you doing your part. You don't have to be in a wedding to be an important part of the day.
Why don't you take an afternoon and just take her out to coffee and chat, I bet her reason comes out without you having to say anything, and I bet you will completely understand why she didn't ask you.
2007-03-27 07:53:41 · answer #5 · answered by kauai_lvr 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
wow, yeah I can see how that would hurt. I would just talk with her and be completely honest. Don't talk to her when your fuming mad but just take her to lunch one day or somthing and ask her why she chose not to have you as a bridesmaid. Chances are (as others have said) she only asked family. Are there other bridesmaids that are not family? But you are being a good friend by still helping out with the shower. If she's really your best friend just continue to be a friend to her and try to find out if there is a problem between the two of you. If she's just being shady, I would accept that and move on...find a new best friend or just forgive her and let it be in the past.
2007-03-27 10:03:19 · answer #6 · answered by Katie Beth 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If she is really your best friend you would not be so upset.She should not have to explain anything to you.Sounds as though they chose family to be in the wedding so there should be no problem.
Just be happy for her and I'm sure she will appreciate everything you are doing for her.You are being a good friend by doing so.
You had her in your wedding but by no means should she be obligated to have you in hers.You can have only so many people in your wedding party and she would have had to draw the line somewhere.The line was drawn with family so be pleased about that.
2007-03-27 08:26:00 · answer #7 · answered by sonnyboy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough one. The bride felt obligation to the grooms' family and made a bad decision to not have you in it at all. Now you are not the Maid of Honor and shouldn't be doing or helping her with her obligations, only if you really wanted to be nice. Your job is to be there for your friend, and show up to the wedding with a gift and that is all. Since you are just a guest.
2007-03-27 07:58:47 · answer #8 · answered by sungirl283 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I havent talked to 3 of my best friends who were my bridesmaids for 4 years now. They moved away. Wedding was 5 years ago. Looking back I wish I would have had family. I can understand that.
How did you get into doing all this stuff, guessing you offerred, so you dont have anyone to blame. Plus you dont have to buy a dress!
2007-03-27 07:53:51 · answer #9 · answered by lillilou 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her. Maybe she just wanted family in the wedding. Or maybe she is short on money and is too embarrassed? I don't know but if I were you I would get to the bottom of it because this could cause so problems later on during the wedding. I know I won't take it sitting down. I would want my best friend to be my Maid of Honor and vice versa.
Good Luck and hope you get to the bottom of it!!
2007-03-27 07:52:13 · answer #10 · answered by letigutierrez77 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since the wedding party is small, and she is only having family in the wedding party, I would not be offended. She probably didn't want to cause tension between her and her husband by not choosing his sisters.
I am having a small wedding party, and my sister is MOH, and my bridesmaids are my other sister, my fiance's sister, and one of my best friends. I have several people I consider my "best" friends, but there simply isn't room in the wedding party to include them all. They are helping in other ways: readings, greeting, directing, and organizing.
2007-03-27 08:16:48 · answer #11 · answered by duritzgirl4 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋