i just recently got an apt. together with my boyfriend of 9 months. Now after living together we realize..there just isnt any trust and so we have broken up. We both have signed a lease so we have to stay put for the next 12 months...neither of us have anywhere else to go....I love him and he loves me...but we knwo it;s not going to work out..... this relationship has been very emotional....and now he is talking about what my opinion is on him going on dates or talking to females....HELP...how should I react..he askes me how I felt..what should I do or say....
2007-03-27 07:42:06 · 20 answers · asked by jyyyyy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You should move out and make him get a roommate (or kick him out and get a roommate yourself). Leases are transferable.
2007-03-27 07:46:03 · answer #1 · answered by knowmeansknow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell him that you realize he has to move on, but being the situation that it is, he should not talk to you about the dates at all and at least for the time being he can't bring anyone back to your place. I mean, you just have to go through a healing period first and get some space between the two of you even though you live in the same place. Which really must suck by the way...
Tell him he can do what he wants but you don't want to know about it.
As for you, take as much time as you need before dating again. I wouldn't just jump into some rebound relationship--which is very easy to do, especially since you're in this high pressure-still living together phase and you may think, "well if he's dating I've got to date someone too!" No, don't fall into this trap, it will end badly!
Just take your time and try to move on gracefully.
Good Luck!
2007-03-27 14:50:09 · answer #2 · answered by fleurhelp 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, how do you feel? You are probably not comfortable with it, given that you two still love and care for each other. If you try to keep him from dating, he will end up resenting you and he will probably date anyway and you will be forced to deal with it because neither of you have anywhere else to go. If you allow him to date, it will probably be very painful for you and the relationship will probably continue to be as emotionally draining (if not more) than it was before.
Sounds like a really tough situation.. give yourself some time alone to think about how you REALLY feel, then sit down with him and talk openly about your feelings.
2007-03-27 14:52:10 · answer #3 · answered by Delvala 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well....you didn't really say how you feel about him jumping back into the dating scene.
It would be best to start from there. You've got to be honest with him, especially since it was the lack of trust that stirred up problems in the first place.
Personally, I would tell him that he can date whoever he wants. But if he still loves/respects you, then he would understand that you wouldn't be comfortable with him bringing in any of his dates back to the apt.
Even if you didn't want him to start dating, you can't force him not to. He is his own person and so are you. Respect each other's boundaries and you two should be able to make it through the next 12 months. Best of luck to you.
2007-03-27 14:56:38 · answer #4 · answered by shaigrl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is why women need to stop moving in with men since the honeymoon phase of relationships diminish over time and when you're also playing wife to a man he's less likely to marry you. I spent 5 years with someone who just drained me emotionally and otherwise. If you guys have broken up then you have to come up with a joint way to buy out your lease together so you can both move into separate residences.
2007-03-27 14:46:16 · answer #5 · answered by nabdullah2001 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's understandable that you would feel awkward..a little jealous and a little hurt that he's already ready to move on. if it really isn't going to work...i think staying there will only confuse you more. move out...who cares about the lease? work something out w/ him w/ the lease. u both living together for another 12 months will just leave u in awkward confusing situations. tell him the truth about how you would feel if he started to go on dates WHILE you still live there. ask him how would he feel if you did the same? all in all move out. that's just too awkward to continue to live w/ someone u still have feelings for yet u both know it wont work and he's already trying to date.
2007-03-27 14:48:25 · answer #6 · answered by shabambam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both have the right to date others as soon as either of you chooses to do so. The fact that you are living together and don't presently have any other good options will just cause it to be uncomfortable but you are 2 single adults so there's nothing wrong with it.
Sorry you're in such an awkward situation...hopefully things will get better soon...perhaps one of you can move out if the other finds a roommate to replace them.
2007-03-27 14:45:20 · answer #7 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has someone who he is interested in then you should just tell him that he should make the decision for himself. If he really wants to get back with you then he won't be quick to jump into another relationship. He will try to spend more time with you first. It's not really your business technically and if you say that you don't want him to go out then it's just going to give him power over you because he'll know that you are still stuck on him. It's kind of tough to live with an ex anyway. You definitly need to work something out with him as soon as possible so that one of you can move out. This situaion's not going to turn out well.
2007-03-27 14:48:44 · answer #8 · answered by Vince R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tough situation. lets see.........well one of you can move out or the both of you can move out and break the lease, or since there is no real relationship and no trust you can ignore him and tell him no girls to come to the apt or sleeping over. same with you......no GF/BF comes to the apt. stay together as roommates. it's hard to tell b/c he may want to see other people now just to get you upset. there is no real time table to get over someone everyone reacts differently. for now there should be no throwing people in the others face till you figure out what is going on.
2007-03-27 14:50:49 · answer #9 · answered by chazzz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IF you stay with him the way that you are, you will apparently just have to stick it out. It is a tough question you are asking. What are your limits? When is enough enough? You are unhappy, forget the lease and get out. You need to remove yourself so it drains you no longer. Maybe things will change, but it doesn't sound like it's going to. I'm sorry you are going through this, but only you can change the situation. Good luck. :-)
2007-03-27 14:46:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Almost the same thing happened to me. The feelings are there mutually and it is mutually decieded that you cant be together I have one thing to tell you find a way out. You will never get over him or the relationship if you stay. You will never be comfortable of him being with another woman and you will never be comfortable with yourself to be with another man. Tell him up front how you truly feel about it but one of you needs out of that enviroment. So one of you needs to start looking in order to be better off and not emotionally drained or hurting anymore.
2007-03-27 14:48:57 · answer #11 · answered by Lori B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋