I had a very horrible childhood and I keep repeating old familiar patterns of isolation and sabotaging relationships.
My longest relationship has been maybe one month long. I always do something horrible to make the other person not want me anymore (sabotage the relationship).
I don't want to be alone anymore, but am terrified of relationships. I just started therapy. I want input though.
How do I break the pattern of pushing men away. I just started dating this guy last week and he is really nice. I am already thinking of ways to sabotage. I almost sent him an email last night stating that we should just be friends and not date again (which is not how I truly feel). But I am scared and fearful.
I don't want to be alone my whole life, but these old patterns and old tapes play in my head and they are very hard to break.
What can I do????????????
2007-03-27 07:41:00 · 8 answers · asked by Attorney 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I am 46, and have currently been in a relationship for six years. The longest before that was a 9 year marriage. I was pretty much 'alone' for the twelve years in between...so I do understand your predicament.
Maybe some time in counseling might be useful in seeing what sort of self-sabotaging patterns you may have...but then maybe there is the possibility that there is nothing wrong with you.
Maybe you are like a great many people who just plain and simple hate the dating experience. I know I do... it feels too much like an audition or the neverending job interview. So...if that is the case, then don't do it. Instead, just get out there and live your life. Get involved with varous clubs and do those activities that interest you...and learn to enjoy your own company while meeting people along the way.
If you do meet a person who interests you, try not to worry so much about whether or not "they" want you....decide if YOU want them. Put yourself into the driver's seat instead...and CHOOSE instead of waiting to be chosen. That makes all the difference...choosing to love rather than just "falling" in love. That's what I finally did...and it's had its ups and downs but mostly it's been wonderful. Good luck.
btw there's nothing wrong with short term relationships. The phrase 'short but sweet' exists for a reason. A long relationship is not always a happy one...and the more unhappy the longer it will seem lol.
2007-04-04 05:55:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If everyone else in your life has disappointed you in one way or another, why are you carrying on the treatment? Why are you keeping that cycle alive? Just because other people may have made you feel like you're not worthy of long-term happiness, it doesn't mean that you should deny yourself of what others failed to give you. It will take you a long time to accept your past and change the whole outlook on life...YOUR life. If the man you're currently with is strong enough...at least give him the chance to see you bloom and tell him who you really are and share what thoughts go through your mind. Trust me, it's so much better to go through (deep rooted) struggles with someone, that truly loves you, by your side, supporting you no matter how crazy you may feel at times.
I really wish you the best and keep working on yourself...you're WORTH every minute of it.
2007-04-04 07:21:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that a way to be able to get past sabataging relationships is to face what happened in your childhood. I'm not saying to just up and forget about what happened, but to make peice with your past before you can move to the future.
2007-03-27 07:54:56 · answer #3 · answered by candy_lover_4ya2002 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is hard but you have to talk to him and let him know more about you. It is really easy to push people away, but maybe you should not be dating till you do a couple of meetings with a therapist.
2007-03-27 07:45:30 · answer #4 · answered by xyz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Open up to him. Maybe if you tell HIM this, you'll feel more comfortable with the feelings your getting. If he doesnt know whats wrong then the relationship wont last. Tell him exactly what you wrote up there.
2007-03-27 07:56:10 · answer #5 · answered by evey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please keep on with your therapy. Maybe you will get some of those issues resolved. You are still very young in life and someone out there is waiting for you when you do get better. Good luck.
2007-03-27 07:46:57 · answer #6 · answered by DOT 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to figure out what it is that makes you push them away. Once you fix that, then you can address the long-term solution.
2007-04-04 03:28:15 · answer #7 · answered by Scotch Tape 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Make a conscious decision!
2007-04-04 06:05:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋