My daughter is 4yrs old. I had never shown her a picture of her dad because I didn’t want to open a can of worms. The other night I was looking at some picture and I found a picture of him and she saw it and said “That’s my Daddy”, I didn’t know what to say, the other day she told me that her daddy is her friend and that he gave her a hug. Last nigh was the worst because she kept on asking me were was her daddy, she kept saying “I want my daddy I want my daddy”, I don’t know what to tell her she is too small to understand. What kills me is that he was the worst dad out there, and when she grabs his picture and hugs it kills me. I have no idea how to deal with it.
2007-03-27 07:17:22 · 14 answers · asked by Jazmin 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
She probably still sees him. Some people, and children can see people after they have passed. It is possible that your husband is still watching over her. You might want to talk to a counselor.
Even thought he is not " haunting" her, you might want to call your local police department and see if they have a medium that they use. She may be able to council you on how to deal best with the situation. She may have pointers on how to explain this to your daughter, and also to you too.
You are truly fortunate to have your husband watching over her. ( even if it does freak you out a little)
2007-03-27 07:21:34 · answer #1 · answered by Rocka 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is 4, she is old enough to see that other kids have daddys and she doesnt. If she is hugging the picture of her daddy, she may feel as tho she needs that kind of affection from a father type figure. Even if her biological father was a bad guy, dont let on to that. That is still her dad and in a sense a part of her and if you say bad things about him in the future, it may make her feel bad. Tell her that her daddy who loved her very much is in heaven. Even if you dont believe in all that, the easier for kids to realize that their loved ones are in a wonderful place and loved them, the more they will be at peace with the death and him not being around.
Good Luck
2007-03-27 07:40:30 · answer #2 · answered by Stephanie S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I also believe she is old enough to be told that her daddy "went to heaven". Possibly she does see her daddy, he could be her guardian angel...while he may have not been the best dad while here on earth, he may have passed over recognizing those flaws and in death his goal is to love his daughter. You do need to talk to her about her daddy so she feels she has some connection to him. If she resembles her daddy, tell her so....etc....if she likes something that was her daddy's favorite share that information with her. Share the positive things with her. Later in life you can tell her more, however, this little girl is growing up without her dad and although he may not have been the best dad while he was here had he had an opportunity he may have changed.
2007-03-27 07:40:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should try telling her explain things in very general easy terms, You may even be able to find a book for her age level that kinda helps to explain it. Although you know he was not a good dad you should not deny her the opotunity to learn about him as she grows. Don't lie to her and tell her that he was perfect but realise that he did what he did and there is nothing that can be done to change that. This man is her father and the pictures and memories you give her are all that she will ever have of him. You may want to talk to people and really work out your feelings about everything so that you do not make her resentful of the father she never had or feel as of her father didn't love her.
2007-03-27 07:26:32 · answer #4 · answered by elephantfun 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
small children i think still see people who have pasted away because they don't understand real life yet and their minds are more open to probability, all i know to tell you is that try to explain to her that her daddy is gone to a happier place, were he gets to eat his favorite food like ice cream for dinner, and never has to take a bath, and gets to play in the rain, but that he still loves her and one day she will get to meet her daddy but not right now because if she leave to see her daddy then who will be there to take care of mommy if you ( your child) isn't there. i am pretty sure that will work ever if she don't understand death yet, then again she might understand more then you think because one of my daughters is 3 and the youngest is 18 months and my oldest daughter knows that her little sister has to go to the Dr a lot and stay over night at the hospital sometimes and she understands that she cant be there and the Dr are taking care of sissy when we (as family) cant, my youngest daughter was born with half a heart and has had 2 open heart surgery, and one more to go
2007-03-27 07:35:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a very difficult situation. If I were you, ask someone you really look up to see what they think. But I agree with the answer above, you need to sit her down and explain to her that he is in a better place. I'm sure she will understand..maybe not completely but to a certain extent. I think it'd be unfair to her by ignoring the question when she asks for her dad.
Maybe shes telling you all of that from things that other kids have told her about their own dad..or maybe something she saw on tv.
2007-03-27 07:27:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
it no longer matters that he was a horrible person she just wants a part of her identity, kids dont need much info they just want a little, you need to tell her that daddy is gone where he can not come back.
when I lost my mother who had been baby sitting my daughter she was only one and she wanted a picture that she could carry around with her so we got her a little pooh picture book and she slept with it every night for over a year.
so the man was horrible he's dead now let her have something of her father to let her feel better, she will move on faster and be able to handle a new "father" in her life one day.
she will understand the facts when she is older.
2007-03-27 07:32:19 · answer #7 · answered by Blessed Rain 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Kids are smart! It is her dad, and you are still grieving! Part of grieving is retelling the about the death. Share it with her and grieve with her. Have her write a message on a ballon and send it to him.He is dead no need to share how bad he was because there are other men who can step in for the Dad role...it's love not genes that makes a Good daddy!
2007-03-27 07:36:49 · answer #8 · answered by gunpowder_tea_4_2 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
the biggest ingredient is your little lady. i could tell her that God took him residing house to stay with him because he became needed up in heaven. no opt for to inform her some thing undesirable about him, you opt for her to advance up loving him and not commence by technique of telling her what he did incorrect. quicker or later she will say that she comes from him and there for she is a nasty lady too. So tell her only the forged issues that were given you to the point that you wanted him to be the daddy of your newborn. There must be some solid to him that made you adore him at one factor. So purely provide her the forged and leave the gruesome only on your memory, at the same time as she is an individual she will thanks for no longer making her memory of her dad gruesome. it truly is what a superior mom will do is spare any ugliness from her newborn.
2016-12-02 21:54:46 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kids are smarter than adults think they are. You should explain things to her now. You can use a children's book on dealing with death and loss of loved ones. Some titles you may want to check out are: I miss you: A first look at dealth and What's Heaven?
Good luck.
2007-03-27 07:33:11 · answer #10 · answered by deejay30 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋