how do I approach my co-workers about how I feel?

Question

I lost my grandfather who is my mother's father. She works at the same place as I do so my co-workers knows that not only did my mom did lose her father but that means I lost my grandfather. So my co-workers got her a plant and sympathy card for her loss and guess what? They got me nothing! I feel offended that I'm left out or forgotten because did those people forget that man who died was not just my mother's father but my grandfather too. My grandfather was someone to everyone, my niece's great-grandfather, my uncle's father, he was a brother, cousin, uncle and a relative to everyone in my family. So my mom gets a plant from work and I don't? I don't get it why they forgot me? I am offended and hurt over this. How do I deal with it or approach my co-workers about this? I know my mom visited him so much, helping him when he was sick before he died and I stayed home and at work but he was still my grandfather too whom I loved.

so you guys are saying losing a grandparent is no big deal and nothing to it? Obviously none of you have lost a grandparent. Wait til your grandparent die then tell me that it's no big deal. A grandparent is next to a parent so it can be almost just as painful. I think saying that losing a grandparent is nothing compared to losing a parent is a little disrespectful.

and saying "go get yourself a plant" is very harsh. How would you like it if you lost a grandparent and I said the same thing to you. If you think losing a grandparent is no big deal, then losing a parent isnt either.

I don't care if it's a plant or if it's something else. If my co-workers don't give me some type of gesture of sympathy then this is what this tells me: they don't care that the father my mom lost is my grandfather and it also tells me they don't appreciate me enough to work there. I'd like to have some kind of reminder that I'm appreciated at work. I felt disrespected when I didn't get one kind of gesture. I think everyone wants to feel that way too. I don't care if it's a flower or something else. I don't care too much about watering it, that's not what I'm worried about.

Answer 1

Give me a break! Go out and buy your own plant!

Answer 2

Loss and grief do funny things to people.

Look what it's done to you: "My co-workers owe me a plant."

It's natural for people to do most for the person most closely involved -- a parent is closer than a grandparent. That isn't saying grandparents don't matter, but parent is a closer relationship (usually, and in this case).

Losing someone does not mean people owe you things.

But I think (or at least hope) that what you're doing is misplacing your grief onto this situation.

Ask yourself this, would getting a plant make you feel any less over your loss?

There's also the fact that she was more invested in him, in that she spent a lot of time with him at the end. Thus, they are more aware of her relationship and her hurt.

Heck, they may have concluded, by the fact that you stayed home and at work, rather than helping him, that you don't care as much as she.

It could also be that they're seeing that you feel this event is all about you, and not loss or grief or your mother, but what you can get out of the situation.

Don't approach your co-workers, they owe you nothing.

If the topic of his death comes up, you might remind them "Yes, he was my grandfather, after all; I really miss him."

There's also the question of how long each of you has worked there -- if they have known your mom longer, then they probably feel closer to her than to you.

But the short answer is, you can't demand that other people give you things.

Answer 3

I think that they automatically gravitated toward your Mom because that was her father and theoretically, losing a father may be more of a blow then losing a grandparent. (Yes, losing anyone hurts and you can't put it on levels, but sometime people do.)

Does it matter? It's over and done.....going to your co-workers to complain is petty and tacky. And if they knew how much time your Mom had been devoting to him prior to his passing, then obviously that is where their focus is when offering condolences. I really think you need to let this go.

**** did you see I said that 'some' people will put a level on the loss and that isn't right, but it happens? I would fall over if I lost my grandma...I was trying to give you an idea of why your co-workers did what they did - not trying to belittle your loss.

Answer 4

Could you be selfish any more?

I am sorry for your loss, and I totally understand your situation, but hey, give your co-workers a break it's your mom's Father who died. Your mom is way hurt than you are because even though he was your grandpa for how many year? he has been her father since she was born!!!

You stayed at work, and your mom was taking care of him the whole time, to whom should the sympathy card and plant go to? Hmmmmm TO YOUR MOM OF COURSE.

Answer 5

People don't deal well with other people who are grieving. You think a plant and a card would make you feel better, go send yourself one, then when asked by coworkers you can explain it was sent for the same reason as your mom. Just know, that you know how this feels and in the future you can help someone who is grieving in the same manner, by say...a plant and a card!