16 years ago my father was charged and jailed with child molesting. He molested my cousin when she was just 8 years old. My father went to prison for 6 years. Our families were torn to pieces after what happened. Life became a living hell for all of us. When my father got out of prison my mother took him back. They've been living together for about six years now (unromantically..they live together for financial reasons) and other family members are angry over it. I have mixed feelings about it...afterall, the man is my dad. I typed a blog on Myspace about how I felt. My cousin(the one he molested) read the blog and got offended. Now our family is having a war with each other. I've tried everything I could possibly do to make things right, but I can't change the past or what my father did. How do I deal with something like this?
2007-03-27 05:32:39 · 8 answers · asked by happy hippy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
a similar situation happened to my family. One, it's not your job to fix things. You didn't do anything wrong; it's not your fault what your father did. It's also not your cousin's fault for it happening or for hating and not wanting to see your father. The person it happened to in my situation still had contact with the family members of the molester, but not that person themselves. You have to understand why this person wouldn't want to have contact with your father and mother. I would say you can try and make things right with your cousin based on the things you said in your blog, but you won't be able to change the fact that she hates your father and doesn't want to see your parents.
2007-03-27 05:46:57 · answer #1 · answered by Susie Q 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First you have to fully realize what your father did, he has allot to answer for. He not only wronged your cousin, but you as well. His actions led to him being sent to prison and not being a part of your life. I understand you need to bond with him, your want to have a father, and it's not wrong, but I think you should keep contact limited. Unfortunately most child molesters are repeat offenders, and will do it again, and perhaps had done it many times before they got caught. Any crime against a child is a terrible one, and a child being molested can scar that person for life, and have terrible effects on their self-esteem and life style choices and relationships. SO of course your family is angry, your going to have to find away to understand and accept that. They will never forgive him, not ever. You can, but do not expect them to be supportive of it. It's a bad situation for everyone, I hope you can find some common ground somewhere.
2007-03-27 12:42:57 · answer #2 · answered by cybereagle07 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your father is to blame, and he is the one that started this mess. I don't think I could ever forgive anyone who was a child molester. He would never be allowed to come back into my family only to do it again. Believe me he will do it again someday. Just watch out for the little signs. Go on with your life and don't feel like you need to correct a mistake that wasn't your fault. Stay with the good side of the family and put this behind you.
2007-03-27 15:28:03 · answer #3 · answered by God Bless America 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
the person above me is absolutely right. although this makes me feel a little worried. your mom shouldn't allow your dad to live in the same house with you and your family for he might try to molest one of you. and don't say, "he wouldn't do that. he's my dad and im his daughter." there's no excuse. he did it to your cousin and he could do it to you. being related to his victim didn't stop him. besides, if your mom didnt take him back because she loves him then why in the world would she take him back? you say its financially, i say let him start his own life somewhere else and make his own money. any ways, the person above e is absolutely right. just something to think about.
2007-03-27 12:58:06 · answer #4 · answered by kalawarriorgodess006 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
But you can change the future!!! He is your dad and by accepting him back into your family is making it ok what he´s done. This is exactly what he knew you would do. Although it wasn´t done to you, you shouldn´t accept him because if so, it makes it ok for him to do it to your children..Child molesters are humane monsters that should be exiled from humanity.
I´m sorry if I´ve offended you but unfortunatly He´s´your DAD
2007-03-27 12:43:22 · answer #5 · answered by iluvbarcelona2327 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
hate to break it to you, but it isnt your job to fix everyone. the living situation is between your father and your mother. the anger is between your father and your cousin. they need to work out the peace. you cant do it for them. you just CANT. deal with it the best way you can by learning to personally accept this, but you cant make everyone else accept it.
2007-03-27 12:39:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
ur dad learned his lesson.. tell ur mom about Big Black Bubba that ur dad met in Prison... justice did end up right, ur cousin will be fine, years have past, its not ur job to fix this, its ur cousins decision
2007-03-29 12:25:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
everyone will have to learn to get along, or avoid each other
2007-03-27 12:47:30 · answer #8 · answered by georgewallace78 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋