Moral Dilemma, I have cats, my neighbour has a cat phobia and is moving out?

Question

I need advice on what people think is fair. I live in a small rural community and the lady who owns the house opposite has a cat phobia. I have 5 cats. They only use their house as a holiday home so are up maybe one weekend a month. Recently someone moved in next door to her and bought 3 cats with them, and I was led to believe they were leaving because they felt penned in now. HOWEVER my next door neighbour has just made me feel really bad as she is good friends with over the road, but she just said "I am really P*ssed off actually as now we dont know who we will get moving in opposite" and I now feel like the "bad guy". Apparently the lady with the phobia feels like my cats are always staring at her from the windowsill. When she comes up i try to keep all but one of them in so they dont go in her garden, this woman has never spoken to me personally about this at all and we have exchanged hugs in the past and got on well. She is very "old school" and wont try hypotherapy HELP

Answer 1

Her phobias are her problem not yours.

Answer 2

The problem is not that you have cats, and the problem is not that the cat-phobia lady is in the wrong. Whether she deals with her phobia or not, the fact is she has never spoken to you about your cats (if I'm understanding you correctly) and she's tried not to be a bad neighbor. She knows perfectly well that you're allowed to have cats, as is her next-door neighbor, and she's been polite about it, despite her own fears. You have tried to keep your cats in (though I don't know why you think letting one cat out is the same as letting no cats out. It's not.) out of consideration to her feelings, and it sounds like you've been nice to her in the past. I'm not seeing a moral dilemma.

No, the problem here is that your next-door neighbor opened her big mouth and wants to blame you and the other cat-owner because she can't control who lives across the street. I imagine it's been very nice having that house unoccupied most of the time but still maintained nicely as a "vacation home," so that property values stay high and there's not so much drama.

She's not upset about her friend moving away; she's upset because she thinks she's better than someone, and she doesn't want people she's superior to moving in. She probably thinks the wrong "kind" of person will lower everyone's property values. Trouble is, this is a free country, and any kind of person who can afford it can move in across the street.

Ignore your next door neighbor. Give your cat-phobia neighbor a nice going-away gift, maybe a bottle of wine or whatever you think she might appreciate. Do your best to keep your cats from relieving themselves in other people's yards. And make friends with the new neighbors, whoever they may be.

Answer 3

This shouldn't be a moral dilemma.
Your neighbors phobia is her problem.
Don't let you next door neighbor or anyone else make you feel guilty for having cats. It's none of her business anyway. What does she think you should do with your cats? Get rid of them.?
Some people have a phobia with children, if that was the case would you get rid of your children?
The fact you are at least considerate by keeping your cats indoors when she is around is more than enough. If she hasn't said anything to you about moving because of her cat phobia then maybe it's your busy- buddy neighbor who is nuts. Ignore her and don't feel like you are the bad-guy, you aren't. but if It would make you feel better .Talk to your neighbor who has the cat phobia and hear what she has to say.

Answer 4

We also live in a small rural community and have cats and some neighbirs who love cats and some who don't. It appears that the one with the real problem here is your next door neighbor. Sounds like she is upset that her friend is moving and she's looking for someone to blame. You could of course keep your front blinds down while the persopn across the road is there and as one said here you could go talk to her and maybe should since you have a cordial relationship. But basicly as long as your cats behave and don't stink and make your place stink what you have is a next door neighbor with a problem that she wants to dump on you and what you do is put up a mental no dumping sign and pray for great ppl who like cats but don't feed and encourage them to move in across the way. The don't feed and encourage is so your kitties don't get in the habit iof crossing a road and being in danger from cars. Even if your cats were inside 24/7/365 they will occassinally look ou6t a window. You can't be expected to board up all windows after all and there will still be 3 cats next door across the road. Being so afraid that a cat will even look at you is sad but this lady is not even trying to ask you to protect her from the cats looking at ehr so she sounds more reasonable that the neighbor. But of course the neighbor may have just had a slip of the tiongue bec she does't look fwd to the change or she herself may be a bit anti cat.

Answer 5

The one you have the problem with is not the phobic lady! She would have told you if your cats were really bothering her!
I find it hard to believe that she said it's because your cats stare at her. I think It's your other neighbour who is trying to make you feel quilty. perhaps because she's used to having that house empty most of the time and is afraid she wont like any new neighbours! If someone else has moved next to her with 3 cats she may feel that those cats are just too close for comfort and would prefer to move her holiday home to somewhere that perhaps has a smaller cat population.
I'm sure if she felt the need to overcome her fears she'd seek help!

Answer 6

I've got to agree with everyone here. It's HER problem, you don't give up your house for something like that. You seem to have been a great neighbour and sensitive to her phobia but I would not cosider moving because of this. There's a girl I work with who didn't put an offer in on a flat because the man upstairs had a dog... She doesn't even have a phobia of dogs!!! Anyway back to your situation, honestly I would stay put. If you moved out someone else with cats could easily move in anyway. The woman has to deal with her problem and face up to it if she wants to live in any community. Hope that was of some help to you!

Answer 7

It is very good of you to care about the lady with the cat phobia. But to be honest, you must not feel guilty that she has a phobia about cats nor should you feel guilty that you love cats. That lady has a mental problem and YOU did not give it to her. As long as you keep your cats within your own property and out of hers, your conscience should be clean on this score. For all we know, that lady could move to a new place then find out within a few weeks that her next door neghbors have cats too. I mean, it really is HER problem, not yours.

Answer 8

That is very sad.

I have met a bunch of people who are afraid of cats, and can't understand how my babies can elicit the same response from someone as a big hairy spider does with me. Of course, people who keep tarantulas probably wonder the same about people like me:
"Eeek! Get that monster away from me!"
"Monster? But Fluffy is so cute!"

If you think you can talk to her again, you could try doing that. Also, if her phobia is not too severe you could ask her if she would like to meet your mellowest cat. I once asked if I could introduce my cat to a roommate who was afraid of cats, and when she agreed she kept commenting on how sweet and tame he was. I think she was still nervous, but she liked him.

Of course if her fear is too severe, maybe the best thing is for her to move. You and your other neighbor can't just give up your pets for a lady who comes around once a month. It would be hard to find *8* cats good homes, and I personally could not put my pet in the pound. =(

I wish you and her the best of luck.

Answer 9

I feel sorry for the woman with the phobia. I don't mean to guilt-trip you, but phobias can be *serious*, unpleasant and ruin your happiness. The guy who said they are 'her problem' is, IMHO, selfish and narrow-minded.

If this lady comes to this house to relax and suddenly find 8 cats (!) living around her, of course she is going to feel penned in. There is no easy solution, because I can't suggest you and your neighbour get rid of your cats, but you can't expect the woman to just 'not be afraid anymore'.

I would at least start by being brave and going over and talking to her about it - you may find that she's not moving because of the cats after all. And if she is, you could at least ask if there is anything you can do to help ease her mind. If you make friends with her, she may feel less like moving.

I hope you find an amicable resolution soon.

Answer 10

Hi, It's her problem not yours. Why didn't she say something!. If she wont get help then there is nothing you can do. Your neighbour should know you cant pick and choose who moves into your neighbourhood, And let's be honest she may be a lovely neighbour but she wont always be around perhaps she is using it as an excuse about your cats. So ignore what other people are saying.

Answer 11

Hun, do not feel like the bad guy. The fact is...when ever you move somewhere you have to deal with the fact that someone near you may not have the kind of animals you like...if it is that big of a deal then she should have went door to door and asked if someone had cats...it is her problem not yours. if she feels like she needs to move then let her and don't bat an eye lash. You can buy pets around everyone else's comfort zone in the close area of where you live.