He is 9 years older than me - is it too much?

Question

I am 24 with a great career, own my own house, and I am ready for and wanting a committed relationship. He is 33, is in a career he loves, looks and acts younger than he is, complete gentleman (brings me flowers, opens doors for me, etc. - very respectful (difficult to find guys with chivalry my age!)), always making me laugh, is relaxed and prioritizes a work/life balance just as I do. We are both active in sports and extracurricular activities, and have the same outlook on life. I consider both of us to be great catches.....

I think he is great, but just wonder - is he just looking to settle down with anyone or is this creepy for a guy to go after a girl 9 years younger? Is age really that big of a deal?

So I have hung out with him more and he is nothing I pictured myself with... kinda dorky... but I absolutely LOVE the time spent with him!! He is so fun, relaxed, yet motivated with a great job (semi celeb)..... I am just about at the point where it doesn't matter what others think... LOL I like this guy

Plus, I love the balance he brings.. my life is so stressful and I look so forward to spending time with him, because it all goes away

Answer 1

The classic "gentleman's formula" is "half your age plus seven". That is, it's considered okay for a gentleman to date a younger woman, as long as her age is no less than half his age plus seven years. Anything less than than is considered sleazy.

In your case, half his age plus seven is just over 23:
33 / 2 = 16.5
16.5 + 7 = 23.5

...so you're on the edge, but not in "sleazy" territory. Also, the difference will only become more and more minimal as the two of you age.

Of course, maybe you don't want to be so cold as to apply a math formula to your relationship. The real test is whether you are happy, and if all your friends and family are giving you a hard time for the relationship appearing to be unhealthy. If the guy is fun and energetic enough to hold a 24-year old's attention, while AT THE SAME TIME has his head on straight and possesses the professional maturity of a 30-something, then good for him. If he's immature, it could be a problem... "in a career he loves" doesn't tell us much, that could mean working in a shopping mall.

Age 24 is a little past the point when young girls sleep with their college professors, and age 33 is far short of women's fantasies of sleeping with the CEO or powerful politician. I think the age difference in your case is no big deal... as long as you (honestly) don't see it as a red flag yourself, relax and see where the relationship goes.

Answer 2

I would say that since you are 24 and seem mature enough for a long term committed relationship, the age difference doesn't really matter that much. I'm not saying that any age difference doesn't matter, though. (for all those young girls out there that think dating an older guy is ok) If you were younger, like say a 15 year old dating a 24 year old, then that's a whole nother situation. I don't think that's quite appropriate. But as you get older and more mature I think age matters less than compatibility and things like that. Good luck!!

Answer 3

Age really shouldn't be a consideration once you are both over 21, it sounds like you are great for each other and have a lot in common. This is a very good thing for a relationship and I would say go for it, he may be your soul mate. There is nothing weird or creepy about him wanting to date you and I don't think the age difference should matter at all, as long as you are happy together.

Answer 4

9 years. It means something different to a dog, a cat, a hamster (dead three times over), a Giant Redwood (a mere moment in time). It also means something very different to a child versus an adult. In your situation you're both adults. You're in a very enviable position in that you apparently have someone young at heart (added to the fact that you are also mature). Your question about him settling down is something you'll have to find out for yourself but as for him "going after a girl" your circumstance may be that while you see yourself as a girl and he sees you as an adult. I wish you both the best of luck!

Age is a big deal up to a certain point (legal age).

After you reach adulthood, you're free to make your own choices including who you choose as a partner.

Answer 5

If you were still in your teens and he was that much older i would say it's not a good idea... but you're a grown woman, you found what seems to be a great guy! If you like him, then go for it! There's nothing wrong with an age difference as long as your at an appropriate age to be having one! lol... good luck (but it doesn't sound like you need any, seems like you have a pretty sweet guy).

Answer 6

You're an adult now and there is no age limit on relationships. If this guy is going through all the effort to be a complete gentleman and you are happy then keep him. Personal happiness is what is most important.

Answer 7

Just make sure he doesn't have any children out of wed lock, a criminal record, or any children from a pass marriage. You didn't say if he has a house/car or is financially secure. At your age the 9 years is no biggy.

Answer 8

If you were under 24 I would say yes it is too much. But you are both adults and succesful. You need to sit down with and find out if he is willing to settle down and what he wants from the future.

Answer 9

I don't see any problem with that age difference. He seems like a great guy. You're both adults so it seems fine to me. It'd be different if you were like 17 or younger. Trust me, it's very rare to find a man like that nowadays...keep this guy.

Answer 10

Sounds like a good guy. Keep him. I'm six years older than my wife, you'd never know to see us together. I was just slow to settle down, and when I did, most women my age were already married or married and divorced....Good luck!